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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday etiquette

253 replies

MINKY75 · 31/07/2018 14:26

AIBU? Come away with friends, them two adults two kids, just me and my two kids. We're SC so I'd assumed we'd come up with a fair way to share food bill. First shop they seemed surprised when I suggested paying a little less. Next shop I was again asked to pay half and again pointed out that I wasn't eating and drinking as much as their family. Would you keep quiet and pay half for the sake of a quiet life/harmony?

OP posts:
ScattyCharly · 31/07/2018 18:16

It’s not about you being a single parent, earning less etc.

It’s about the fact that her husband is essentially only paying for half his food and you are paying for the other half of his food!

I think re the accommodation, it was fair to split it 50:50 if both families have an adult bedroom and a child bedroom.

Do you think there is some other reason why they have decided that they don’t need to pay the full 4/7 food cost? Have they done all the driving/cooking/arranging? And might that make them feel entitled to the small food discount?

cingolimama · 31/07/2018 18:17

People, stop with this silly 7% difference, which is unfair and incorrect. This is easy to calculate, as the children are being treated the same in terms of consumption:

Couple 1 has two kids
OP has two kids
So they cancel each other out.

What's at issue is there are
2 Adults in the couple
1 Adult for OP

So the easy and fair ratio is 2:1. Or OP pays 1/3, couple pays 2/3.

That is a huge difference on a shop of £1000!

WhyOhWine · 31/07/2018 18:24

I think it is fair enough to split accomodation assuming you are each using 2 bedrooms. I think they should be paying a bit more for food, but it would be a pain to be completely scientific about it.

For example we have 2 DC and sometimes holiday with another family with 3 DC (2 similar age to our 2 and one a few years younger). When their smallest was tiny we just split stuff in half because he did not eat much. Once he started eating as much as the other DC we still generally split the shopping bills, but they might treat us to lunch out one day, or we would take it in turns to pay and then do a rough calculation of what we had all spent at the end and settle up somewhere that involved them paying a bit more.

LuluJakey1 · 31/07/2018 18:25

There are 7 people, so one family pays 4/7 and one 3/7 - as a percentage that is 57% and 43%. So, applied to £1000, one pays £570 and one £430. It's £140 difference so not pennies if you are counting them.

blackteasplease · 31/07/2018 18:30

They have got the only adult man in the group, who presumably eats the most. They basically want you to subsidise him. YANBU.

Not sure how you go about this politely though.

delphguelph · 31/07/2018 18:30

Come on OP we're dying here...

Cachailleacha · 31/07/2018 18:30

So the easy and fair ratio is 2:1. Or OP pays 1/3, couple pays 2/3. That's not correct, as 1/3 would pay for 1/3 of the 3 adults, so 1 adult, and 1/3 of the 4 children, so 4/3 of a child. The other couple would then be paying for 2/3 of one of the OP's children.

blackteasplease · 31/07/2018 18:31

If it was equal adults and one more or less child if wouldn't bother me though.

TantricTwist · 31/07/2018 18:31

I have to say OP no friends of mine would make me pay a 50/50 split let alone be so stubborn and rude about it they would make sure I paid less.

Your friends are a 2 income household whereas you are a one income house hold.

I hate this with car lift sharing as well where I have had to always drive alternate weeks and friends who are in couples then share the alternate weeks they have between themselves which is equally crap and unfair from a time consuming capacity.

delphguelph · 31/07/2018 18:32

We had a Montague/Capulet style argument over alcohol one year so now each man/woman fends for themselves over their booze.

I drink like a mouse and SIL swigs wodkar like it's water so a bit of a no brainer really.

I have to admit, I'm looking forward to NOT going on hols with them next year - it's fairly hard work really.

delphguelph · 31/07/2018 18:33

For anyone interested I am going on a 20 person, shared accommodation holiday in two weeks time: guaranteed there'll be some fun time threads started by an irate moi

delphguelph · 31/07/2018 18:34

Did they do all the organising?

^^

How much would you clever lot consider this to be 'worth'?

cingolimama · 31/07/2018 18:39

Lulu, calculating 3/7 of something is not only a pain in the ass, but in this particular case not an accurate reflection of fair costing because the OP's children are being counted the same as adults (as are the other couple's children). So she would still be subsidising the other couple. Better to consider each child as half a person (only a maths metaphor), so ration would be 2/5 (40%) for OP vs. 3/5 (60%) for couple.

cingolimama · 31/07/2018 18:41

Cach, you're absolutely right. I've amended my calculations! It's 40%/60%

Jjjjigoo · 31/07/2018 18:49

I wouldn't bother about the exact share but I would expect them to go someway to balance it out either by doing an extra shop or by buying a meal completely.
I'd have to say something along the lines of "you do realise i've been paying for half of Dh's meals and booze all week on my single income." Then if they still don't take the hint I'd ask them to pay for a meal or something "oh and you're still getting a good deal" tinkly laugh.

ny20005 · 31/07/2018 18:53

It's not fair to do 50/50 split in restaurants! Why on earth should you pay for half an adults food & drink bill for 2 weeks on top of yours !!

I wouldn't split hairs over a supermarket shop unless they were adding loads of booze & expecting you to cover it

Freshfeelings · 31/07/2018 19:06

Funny how people are different. I see people are saying their friends wouldn't dream of not splitting it 3/7 and 4/7 but genuinely none of my friends would dream of splitting it anything other than 50/50. I don't drink but still split the bills in restaurants equally and buy rounds of drinks with things that cost way more than my J20. You just don't measure when it comes to friendship (unless, as others have said, you're absolutely broke - but then you'd be unlikely to be away I suppose).

mrsm43s · 31/07/2018 19:08

Why do people keep saying childen = half an adult.

I have a 12 and 13 year old and they both eat far more than DH and I.

Perhaps sub 5 they could be counted as a half (as long as you're not expecting to by any special expensive treats for them), but above that surely they count as a person? They cost as much as an adult to feed.

I'd honestly go with 3:4 split if I was the 4 in this situation, but personally, I'd be happy to pay 50:50 if I was the 3, because the difference is negligible. .

HarryDaylight · 31/07/2018 19:11

Doesn't sound like they were good friends to begin with.

careerontrack · 31/07/2018 19:13

I’d expect 50/50. Just makes it easy

Gwenhwyfar · 31/07/2018 19:15

MN isn't the place to ask questions like these. It's full of people for whom money is no object and who split bills at restaurants.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/07/2018 19:17

"Did they do all the organising?

How much would you clever lot consider this to be 'worth'?"

It's worth nothing. Unless you're a travel agent, you don't get paid for organising a holiday.

givemesteel · 31/07/2018 19:17

Another one to agree to split 3/7. I think you just politely need to say that you can't afford to pay for more than what you're actually consuming as you'd only budgeted for food for one adult and 2 dc (not 1.5 adults...!). If it they don't understand just suggest you do your own shops for the remainder of the hol.

The only thing I would caveat is if you are eating / drinking more expensive stuff generally so they think the 50/50 is fair on that basis or if they are doing a lot to help you out so maybe think that in return you pay a bit more for food.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/07/2018 19:18

"For anyone interested I am going on a 20 person, shared accommodation holiday in two weeks time: guaranteed there'll be some fun time threads started by an irate moi"

Just tell everyone in advance that everyone pays for themselves.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/07/2018 19:19

"Why do people keep saying childen = half an adult.

I have a 12 and 13 year old and they both eat far more than DH and I."

They obviously mean small children.