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AIBU?

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Original poster

Complaints when eating out due to other customers?

168 replies

sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 17:59

AIBU to complain to a sandwich/bar place for the fact another customer was IMO very rude and arrogant towards us, and the staff handled it badly? And by badly I mean they just ignored us at walked off with our a word when pipped up?

I understand you can't do anything about the customer, ( that's not really my complaint, but pissed me off)
I'm local, he clearly wasn't, so I know it's not like he's going to be there again

This place was where I went for drinks the night before my wedding. It was the place I first ventured to with my 5 week old baby, and another lovely member of staff kindly pushed her round in the pram when I was near to tears because I couldn't calm her and my food was getting cold.

I suffer PND and it was one of the few places I felt okay going with DD and regularly go there with her to meet other mums or lunch with family.

I requested some doors to be pulled to as the weather had taken a sudden turn and went cold, his comments were along the lines of I shouldn't have a baby there anyway and had used to his chair to block us and the staff from closing them. When the staff tried he said no I like the fresh air and it was my own fault. The staff member just walked off without a word at that point, so I called him back over and asked if we could be moved in that case. What wound me up was the other children on the table next to us ended up wrapped in blankets because of one guy!

Would I be out of order to email explaining this?

I might be way over reacting, but it was somewhere I felt safe going with my 6mo either on my own or with people, because I knew the staff were understanding

OP posts:
Original poster
sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 19:03

Thank you @ProfessorMoody

For those wondering about the doors it was a big sliding glass door, he blocked it with his chair so when the staff member tried to close it the chair with him in it stops it, so he was nicely sheltered

OP posts:
smudgedlipstick · 30/07/2018 19:04

"There table wasn't next to the door and was actually in the corner away from the breeze and rain"
How did he put his chair in the way of the door?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 19:05

Is this for real? 5 months on and you're still even thinking about this?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 30/07/2018 19:07

Oh my god it wasn’t 5 months ago... READ

Original poster
sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 19:07

Clearly not explaining well

Clearly U

Clearly not where I though I was emotionally

Lesson learned

OP posts:
AnoukSpirit · 30/07/2018 19:08

Given the backstory you've set out for you at this place, I can understand why this affected you so much more than it might the rest of us. In your same shoes I think I would have been upset too - it rocked a place that's felt like a safe haven, didn't it? You didn't overreact, you were deeply affected. There is a difference.

Some of the responses you've had here are shameful. I pretty much second everything ProfessorMoody said. Some people just want to stick the knife in. There are some people on MN who produce such venom towards anyone with mental illness who dares to talk about the way it affects them. There's so much prejudice on display in this thread.

I don't see the harm in pointing out that better service would have been for him to follow up with you rather than walking off. It would have been!

I hope you will feel able to go back there and reclaim it as somewhere that feels safe for you. Any mental illness is tough to deal with, and I think you're doing really well to be getting out and finding ways to be in the world and feel safe in it. That's important.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 19:09

It was the place I first ventured to with my 5 week old baby

The baby is now 6 months old. What am I missing here?

Quartz2208 · 30/07/2018 19:10

Whenever I used to take DS to a particular playgroup it always ended in tears over the door to a playhouse. he would invariably want it shut and others wanted it open (and if not him someone else) and there would be a tussle between the two.

Because one persons right to want it shut does not override someone else desire to want it open and vice versa. Here I would tend towards the original default which is open.

Maybe the staff member should have said something but they moved you and presumably cleaned the table they should have had a quiet word but really he wasnt going to back down so you can see it from there perspective. And as a non local he may well have given a bad review

Why do you think the staff were not understanding?

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 30/07/2018 19:10

I just feel an offer of a table and help moving us over to it with the high chair while a man is shouting how I shouldn't have my baby there wouldn't be too much to ask. We had to move ourselves with drinks high chair and daughter

There were three, maybe four adults with you and between you you couldn't move a baby, chair and some drinks? Beginning to see why the man wouldn't budge now. You all sound very entitled.

RiceandBeans · 30/07/2018 19:11

I think to just acknowledge that he was rude

But was he rude? He may have spoken rudely when you asked for the doors to be closed, but ...

Your desire for the doors to be closed doesn't have an automatic priority over his desire for the doors to be left open. Why do you think it does? He wanted to enjoy the fresh air - that was his preference. Yours didn't enjoy the fresh air - that is your preference.

Why is your preference more important than his?

Yes, the café staff should have helped you to move to a table out of whatever draught it was that you felt. That was their oversight.

But I don't understand why you think your preference was more important than that of another customer.

Original poster
sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 19:12

Nail on the head there @AnoukSpirit thank you to you both for the understanding, I though I was doing okay and getting to a good place, clearly I still have some work to do. Maybe MN isn't the place to post for me

OP posts:
Stirner · 30/07/2018 19:12

Local cafe for local people is it ?get a grip op

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 19:13

Confusing first post. The OP went when baby was 5 weeks but then this happened when baby was 6 months?

fezzesarecool · 30/07/2018 19:14

Sorry I’m confused over the door still, maybe cos it’s been a long day!

I’m looking at my sliding door the the way to block it and keep it open would be putting something on the open side, or to block it from closing would be to put something on the closing side.

I may need a diagram!

steff13 · 30/07/2018 19:14

When you're talking about temperature for a group of people, though, people who feel cold have more recourse than people who feel hot. If you were too cold, you could have put on a jacket, a sweater, a blanket, etc. People who are too hot don't have a lot of options, unless the other diners don't object to them stripping down at the table.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/07/2018 19:14

YABU and should have just moved to another table if you were no longer happy where you were sitting.

Why?

Why should WankerCustomer not move?

I am the first to admit that I HATE heat - HATE IT WITH A PASSION!

I would have loved to have the doors open even if it was blizzard conditions, but if the weather changed so suddenly that people were uncomfortable and children were having to be wrapped up, I would have just accepted that I was in the minority and sucked up the discomfort, or offered to swap tables with the OP.

He sounds an arse OP, but I don't think there was much the staff member could do. Either way, someone was going to be upset.

Original poster
sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 19:14

@GreatDuckCookery I go several times a month, I was just using that of an example of how good they have been to me before

OP posts:
fezzesarecool · 30/07/2018 19:15

Lol I’ve worked it out now, sorry!

biscuiteater · 30/07/2018 19:15

Sonlypuppyfat well I find 17c too cold for sitting in which is why my heating is set to 20 / 21c.

SimonBridges · 30/07/2018 19:16

The problem here is that you wanted x and he wanted y.
Who should win?

You say he isn’t local so won’t be back, don’t worry then.

fezzesarecool · 30/07/2018 19:20

Thing is if this is somewhere you often go, why would you email a complaint? Surely that would make you self conscious every time you went in there? Plus if the staff have been lovely in the past especially by calming your baby down so you could eat why not let this go?

slashlover · 30/07/2018 19:20

Why should WankerCustomer not move?

Move further away from the open door where he wanted to sit? Confused

chickenowner · 30/07/2018 19:21

Why are your wishes more important than another customers?

Loopytiles · 30/07/2018 19:22

Yes, it would be U to email and complain, and it would U to stop going there. The staff probably did their best, on that day.

Original poster
sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 19:23

We weren't they only customers cold, but because of the way he was to me nobody else said anything, they just sat there with picnic blankets wrapped round them

I don't think MY needs are more important, but I felt the needs of the rest of the diners should be considered too, it wasn't a me/him situation

OP posts:
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