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AIBU?

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Original poster

Complaints when eating out due to other customers?

168 replies

sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 17:59

AIBU to complain to a sandwich/bar place for the fact another customer was IMO very rude and arrogant towards us, and the staff handled it badly? And by badly I mean they just ignored us at walked off with our a word when pipped up?

I understand you can't do anything about the customer, ( that's not really my complaint, but pissed me off)
I'm local, he clearly wasn't, so I know it's not like he's going to be there again

This place was where I went for drinks the night before my wedding. It was the place I first ventured to with my 5 week old baby, and another lovely member of staff kindly pushed her round in the pram when I was near to tears because I couldn't calm her and my food was getting cold.

I suffer PND and it was one of the few places I felt okay going with DD and regularly go there with her to meet other mums or lunch with family.

I requested some doors to be pulled to as the weather had taken a sudden turn and went cold, his comments were along the lines of I shouldn't have a baby there anyway and had used to his chair to block us and the staff from closing them. When the staff tried he said no I like the fresh air and it was my own fault. The staff member just walked off without a word at that point, so I called him back over and asked if we could be moved in that case. What wound me up was the other children on the table next to us ended up wrapped in blankets because of one guy!

Would I be out of order to email explaining this?

I might be way over reacting, but it was somewhere I felt safe going with my 6mo either on my own or with people, because I knew the staff were understanding

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/07/2018 18:50

Why didn't you mention 'rain' in your OP?

Either way, you being a regular and him not, doesn't give you the right to have the door shut instead of moving tables, which you did eventually.

I appreciate self confidence can be a tricky thing, but you do need to work on it rather than expect others around you to accommodate it.

Willyoujustbequiet · 30/07/2018 18:50

He was a dick with the baby comment and I think you are getting unnecessarily harsh comments.

Next time just dont try to settle the baby with any kind of urgency Grin

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/07/2018 18:51

I can see you're upset and feeling fragile, but I think you need to focus on the root cause of that, and I don't honestly think that root cause is comments on this thread or what happened in the cafe - it's the PND. It's absolutely horrible, so don't feel that I am saying you're not allowed to be upset. You are, but it doesn't change the fact this isn't intrinsically a very upsetting situation, or one where anyone could have done much different.

Sure, he sounds a bit rude, but the person in the cafe was right not to engage with him. In this hot weather, I would also much prefer to have doors open and would be irritated by someone who chose to close them. I wouldn't be rude or comment on your baby, but would probably say something like 'I'm boiling here, mind if I open those again?'.

ProfessorMoody · 30/07/2018 18:51

Ah, the usual dicks of Mumsnet strike again.

Sorry you've had to experience them, OP.

If I choose to eat in a cafe or restaurant, I don't expect to have the door open, have to sit in a draught or be cold. If I wanted all that, I'd eat in an establishment with outdoor seating.

The man was a dick, it was quite clearly cold if there were other children there who needed blankets. It has been cold today, DS commented on how freezing he was, and he's always warm. I had to put socks and a jumper on inside my house.

Shouty men usually get their own way, mainly because they're so badly mannered that the staff fear them kicking off, as he probably would have done. It's fucking unfair and they need to be stood up to more.

You also don't need to justify why you feel safe there. I have severe ptsd and only feel safe in certain places - it's quite understandable.

Try and forget it now. He was a dick. A large percentage of people on Mumsnet are also dicks. Hope you have a lovely evening Smile

fezzesarecool · 30/07/2018 18:52

How did the guy use his chair to block you and the staff from closing it if he was sat away in the corner?

Fenwickdream · 30/07/2018 18:52

I think you would be better off working on your stress levels than chasing this. Shit like this happens all day, everyday, all over the Country. The bloke who did it and everyone else in the restaurant probably don’t even remember it now. It wasn’t a personal attack on you, let it go.

ProfessorMoody · 30/07/2018 18:53

Read the bloody posts, people. The OP wasn't settling a baby this time. That was months ago. Jeez.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 30/07/2018 18:54

If I’ve been sat next to an open door first with my family and someone came in AFTER me and insisted on it being shut, I’d tell you to fuck off too.

If you didn’t want to be near the door then move! Pathetic.

sonlypuppyfat · 30/07/2018 18:54

Sit in a draught or be cold!! It's been 30c for weeks

HelloEllo · 30/07/2018 18:55

fezzes

Grin

ProfessorMoody · 30/07/2018 18:56

No it hasn't, puppy. It's been consistently 16 where I am for the last week. 12 in the evenings. 14 today.

Original poster
sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 18:56

Sorry I didn't mean to drip feed, I was aware it was a long post and was trying to get to the point.

They did my dad go up to go over but my stopped him as it wasn't worth a scene - I agree there was no point getting in to a screaming match with the guy.

I just feel an offer of a table and help moving us over to it with the high chair while a man is shouting how I shouldn't have my baby there wouldn't be too much to ask. We had to move ourselves with drinks high chair and daughter.

I don't want to kick off at them at all, I appreciate they are in tough situation,and I know some people are arses and there's nothing anyone can do about. But is it U to email to say it could have been handled slightly better?

OP posts:
biscuiteater · 30/07/2018 18:57

I don't understand why people are incredulous it's cold. It's raining here and 16c. Not got above 17c all day.

petrolpump28 · 30/07/2018 18:58

I guess you feel loyal and invested in that place and sadly they are just there for their 7 pounds an hour.

Take car. PND is rotten.

sonlypuppyfat · 30/07/2018 18:59

17c isn't cold

Lemontart25 · 30/07/2018 18:59

Today 18:52fezzesarecool

How did the guy use his chair to block you and the staff from closing it if he was sat away in the corner?

I'm wondering the exact same?

happypoobum · 30/07/2018 18:59

There table wasn't next to the door and was actually in the corner away from the breeze and rain

But you said he was sat by the door and blocked it using his chair -

Which one is it?

Also - why does your request to have the doors shut trump his request to keep them open? Are you just terribly more important than everyone else?

Or is it a Local Cafe for Local People?

Original poster
sweatingcobs · 30/07/2018 18:59

@WorraLiberty I completely agree with the self confidence and that's why I was reaching out for objective feedback

Although I'm really regretting it with some of these comments

@LRDtheFeministDragon I think that's why I'm upset, if he'd said sorry but we are a bit warm I would have happily offered to move in that case, it's they way he dealt with it made me feel shit and did get my back completely up

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/07/2018 19:00

Really just let it go.

Focus on why you only feel "safe"there, about why you're scared to go places. These are much bigger deals than a petty argument about a door open or closed and having to move yourself.

Part of it does read like the fact you go there often means you think you're entitled to preferential treatment. And that subjective. It depends on the request and the context as well as the establishment.

I'd focus on your own well being and let this go.

GeorgeIII · 30/07/2018 19:01

If I’d wanted the door open but saw that a family with a baby might be cold I would
Ask if they minded if I reopened it
Or
Take my jacket off
Or
Just get on with the meal
I would not be open the door deliberately wedging it in that position with a chair
But then I’m not a selfish arse.

rollingonariver · 30/07/2018 19:01

I don't think YABU to complain at all.
It may stop people going back and I think the establishment would want to know about that.
I don't know what the staff could have done differently but he was an arse.

Bombardier25966 · 30/07/2018 19:01

There table wasn't next to the door and was actually in the corner away from the breeze and rain

So how did he

used to his chair to block us and the staff from closing them

fezzesarecool · 30/07/2018 19:02

Yes you are being unreasonable, if this man block the door with his chair even though he was away from the door and you had trouble moving your drinks and the baby and the high chair to a different table between 4 adults then how could the staff do anything in this situation.

happypoobum · 30/07/2018 19:03

I just feel an offer of a table and help moving us over to it with the high chair while a man is shouting how I shouldn't have my baby there wouldn't be too much to ask. We had to move ourselves with drinks high chair and daughter.

You said you were there with your parents, your brother and your daughter. Quite how much additional help did you need? Confused

itswinetime · 30/07/2018 19:03

Everyone has different preferences though some people like eating with a breeze ect some hate it, some like being warm others want cool. That's why the staff couldn't win! So I maintain if the op sat down with the doors open as the man did then that was a choice. I wouldn't have chosen to eat somewhere with the doors open today and would have been annoyed if someone else came in and tried to change the situation I had picked. The man was an arse yes! The staff should have helped the op move yes! But the only way to handle the door issue would have been to ask everyone what they wanted and then do that which probably seemed ott to the staff over 2 people who didn't agree!

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