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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charity Donations - I may have BU

292 replies

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 30/07/2018 14:13

Just done a bit of a clear out - the first of a number needing done in this house over the next few weeks.
Today it was coats and toys from the garage. I always separate into "sellable" and "rags" and send anything unsellable to fabric recycling.

So - 6 black bags into the car.

Went to my charity shop of choice (shop A) - my friend volunteers there - bum, I forgot its closed on a Monday - however I'm out now, need to not carry these things in the car for weeks - I'm in a fairly big town/city - we have a goodly choice of charity shop, even if most in the city centre aren't easy to park at.

Anyway - I find another - Shop B. Pull up outside, road is wide enough to not obstruct the traffic but I'm not "parked" - Grab a couple of bags, take them in, head back to the car for a couple more - I can then hear the front of shop assistant say to someone "Are we taking donations - she's just dumping things"....I take in 2 more bags to be met with the manager from the back office "We aren't actually taking things I mean, I can take this lot but no more - we don't have many volunteers you know, and the charity shop down the road has closed so everyone dumps everything on us".....

I was a bit perturbed - I did say something along the lines of "Sorry, I was just doing my best trying to help...." and left - in a bit of a daze as to the conversation I had just had.

Round the corner to shop C (more main road so I really hate stopping outside but again - its a wide road so I'm not actually obstructing anyone. Popped in, asked "Are you accepting donations?" - the assistant replied Yes - thank you so much, we LOVE donations and we are happy to accept them"....

So I gave her my last 2 bags and explained another shop had really not been very gracious about accepting things.

Now - this may be where I get unreasonable - I was still so upset at Shop B that I went back, stopped the car, and went back in. I said (politely, honest) "Hi, I dropped some bags off about 10 minutes ago but I got the feeling that you weren't happy to accept the donations - I have found another shop that is happy, so if I can have my 4 bags back, I'll take them round there".

Front of shop went to get the manager. She came out of the office "We are happy to take your donations - but there are only 2 of us."

I replied "To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used - I really would rather they went somewhere that my donations weren't seen as a burden"

Manager "Well we are happy to take them".

Me "Well, I haven't been led to believe you are happy to take them, and I feel really upset by the way my donations have been grudgingly accepted. So Can I take them back - I'll relieve you of them and I'll take them to somewhere that has said they would be thrilled."

Manager "We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

I left, with my bags, took them to shop C who were absolutely thrilled.

I am incredibly non confrontational. I am very shy and quiet but also very generous and have a background in charity volunteering and in customer service.

(I also hit my head really badly just before I went out with something I was taking to the tip and I'm wondering if I've done my head some damage).

For background - 1 of the charity shops is a national chain, 1 is a local charity with 2 shops in our town/city.

The contents of the bags were jackets - good named brands like Regatta, Helly Hansen and Next - as well as some baby born toys and a couple of bags.

Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 31/07/2018 11:35

Why should they be simpering over your bags of old clothes?

Because that’s how they stay open? Hmm

I personally wouldn’t have done this, and I am confrontational at the right times (I’m not a bitch but you generally would know if I was unhappy with something) BUT I don’t think you were unreasonable. I mean you went OTT but who hasn’t at some point? They were rude and I hope you’ve made them reconsider their customer service skills. Volunteers or being paid £50000 you work in customer service you NEED those skills.

Technonan · 31/07/2018 11:39

I'd try volunteering in a charity shop for a couple of weeks, then you will probably understand why you got the response you did. Everyone has bad days when they may not be as welcoming as they should be, but cut them some slack. They are working for nothing, and doing you a favour - you now don't have to take your stuff to the dump or spend ages putting it on ebay only to see it for 50p.

LookAtIt · 31/07/2018 11:44

I’m trying to work out why the OP included details of how she parked. 🤔.

IceCreamFace · 31/07/2018 11:47

YABU. They're probably volunteers giving up their time and they can't handle bags and bags of old clothes dumped on them. When I volunteered in a charity shop people would often dump bin bags outside often filled with stuff that wasn't even sellable.

Grimbles · 31/07/2018 11:53

Just because they are a charity shop doesn't mean they have to accept any and all donations - especially when some just starts dumping black bags and you don't have the staff to deal with it at that point

Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 31/07/2018 12:12

I accept I was a dick and in the wrong.

I’ve written the card (i’ve Left names off for the picture). Off to by naice biscuits and drop them off.

Charity Donations - I may have BU
OP posts:
Technonan · 31/07/2018 12:14

That's a nice gesture. I think they'll appreciate it.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 31/07/2018 12:18

That’s big of you, op. Not everyone can admit when they’ve got something wrong, I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.

GorgonLondon · 31/07/2018 12:19

Managers of big chain charity shops are not volunteers

ShumpaLumpa · 31/07/2018 12:45

I discussed with the volunteers what they wanted and didn't want before I handed the bags over.

They were happy to take books and crockery but not electrical goods and some other items.

I said no problem and took what back what they didn't want to dispose of them.

It costs charity shops a lot of money to dispose of the crap people donate offload

I don't want to add to this mountain of crap, that would be defeating the object of helping the charity.

Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 31/07/2018 12:47

Naice Biscuits. Off to do it now - really anxious but that’s the consequence of behaving like an arse

OP posts:
aperolspritzplease · 31/07/2018 12:49

Well done OP! That's a nice thing to do.

Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 31/07/2018 12:51

On my way

Charity Donations - I may have BU
OP posts:
Racecardriver · 31/07/2018 12:56

YANBU. Charity shops depend pj donations to survive and raise money. If they couldn't take the dibations they shouldn't have been so rude. You went out if your way to support them when you could have dumped the whole lot in the rubbish bin.

Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 31/07/2018 13:04

Job done.

And for everyone worried - I parked legally and there was no “dumping” involved.

OP posts:
LoisWilkerson1 · 31/07/2018 13:42

Well done op.

ShumpaLumpa · 31/07/2018 13:47

Borders Strawberry Drizzle Melts

Why have I never heard of these delights before 😍

Well done OP! How'd it go?

fanfan18 · 31/07/2018 13:49

I just can't believe you think charity shop VOLUNTEERS should be grateful for you handing over your unwanted stuff. They have to wade through dirty clothes half the day!

Like a PP said, I always feel grateful to them for accepting anything I take in.

fanfan18 · 31/07/2018 13:51

Sorry I just noticed you apologised Blush

sadiekate · 31/07/2018 14:11

They should be grateful for donations because they depend on them to exist. If a charity did not seem to appreciate what I had given them I would not donate to them again. This isn't about superiority or "I pay your wages" - it's about appreciating kindness and generosity. As for the poster who said we're not giving it to charity to be kind - how ridiculous. It would be much easier to put stuff in the bin or more lucrative try to sell it, but I would never dream of doing either when I can help someone else.

sadiekate · 31/07/2018 14:13

To the OP - wow, that's a great thing to do. I don't think you needed to apologise, but like a previous poster has said, many people can't even admit when they're wrong, let alone go out of their way to say so to the people they feel they have wronged. I hope your return visit goes well and draws a line under it all.

Thursdaydreaming · 31/07/2018 14:30

Good on you OP. We've all overreacted at times but not all of us have admitted it and made amends.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 31/07/2018 14:41

Just take them to a clothes bank in a supermarket car park in future op rhen you can save yourself all the angst !!!

Trinity66 · 31/07/2018 14:55

You really seem to be spending way too much time on this whole charity shop business. they're going to think you're crazy

slithytove · 31/07/2018 14:57

I could easily put my 8 carrier bags in the bin each month. I don’t believe that’s the best thing to do, so I don’t.

I don’t want anything for this choice. Not praise or thanks or anything.

I do expect to be treated nicely in all my dealings with all people unless I’ve lost that right through my own behaviour.

I don’t believe that donating things / bringing things in while the staff member is talking / donating the wrong season clothes / any random reason that I’ve got it wrong is enough to be spoken to poorly.

I try to treat people nicely regardless - and that’s with retail management experience. Admittedly not charity shop but we still came up against some awful customers.