Charity Donations - I may have BU

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

Just done a bit of a clear out - the first of a number needing done in this house over the next few weeks.
Today it was coats and toys from the garage. I always separate into "sellable" and "rags" and send anything unsellable to fabric recycling.

So - 6 black bags into the car.

Went to my charity shop of choice (shop A) - my friend volunteers there - bum, I forgot its closed on a Monday - however I'm out now, need to not carry these things in the car for weeks - I'm in a fairly big town/city - we have a goodly choice of charity shop, even if most in the city centre aren't easy to park at.

Anyway - I find another - Shop B. Pull up outside, road is wide enough to not obstruct the traffic but I'm not "parked" - Grab a couple of bags, take them in, head back to the car for a couple more - I can then hear the front of shop assistant say to someone "Are we taking donations - she's just dumping things"....I take in 2 more bags to be met with the manager from the back office "We aren't actually taking things I mean, I can take this lot but no more - we don't have many volunteers you know, and the charity shop down the road has closed so everyone dumps everything on us".....

I was a bit perturbed - I did say something along the lines of "Sorry, I was just doing my best trying to help...." and left - in a bit of a daze as to the conversation I had just had.

Round the corner to shop C (more main road so I really hate stopping outside but again - its a wide road so I'm not actually obstructing anyone. Popped in, asked "Are you accepting donations?" - the assistant replied Yes - thank you so much, we LOVE donations and we are happy to accept them"....

So I gave her my last 2 bags and explained another shop had really not been very gracious about accepting things.

Now - this may be where I get unreasonable - I was still so upset at Shop B that I went back, stopped the car, and went back in. I said (politely, honest) "Hi, I dropped some bags off about 10 minutes ago but I got the feeling that you weren't happy to accept the donations - I have found another shop that is happy, so if I can have my 4 bags back, I'll take them round there".

Front of shop went to get the manager. She came out of the office "We are happy to take your donations - but there are only 2 of us."

I replied "To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used - I really would rather they went somewhere that my donations weren't seen as a burden"

Manager "Well we are happy to take them".

Me "Well, I haven't been led to believe you are happy to take them, and I feel really upset by the way my donations have been grudgingly accepted. So Can I take them back - I'll relieve you of them and I'll take them to somewhere that has said they would be thrilled."

Manager "We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

I left, with my bags, took them to shop C who were absolutely thrilled.

I am incredibly non confrontational. I am very shy and quiet but also very generous and have a background in charity volunteering and in customer service.

(I also hit my head really badly just before I went out with something I was taking to the tip and I'm wondering if I've done my head some damage).

For background - 1 of the charity shops is a national chain, 1 is a local charity with 2 shops in our town/city.

The contents of the bags were jackets - good named brands like Regatta, Helly Hansen and Next - as well as some baby born toys and a couple of bags.

Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???

Eve - have you asked if your school have a used uniform sale? Ours do each year and it’s great - you may be able to donate there

Silthy , the school happily took all the branded items such as PE kit, rugby tops, socks etc. but wouldnt take the genetic trousers and shirts.

My friend told me that my DD's teacher has a photo of DD on her personal Facebook site. I searched her name and she is right - there are several photos of multiple pupils with no security settings at all. Other members of staff have liked and commented on the pictures (including the deputy head) so the school must be aware they have been posted. There is nothing wrong with the photos other than that I don't want them there. AIBU and a real misery guts to make a fuss and say I want them taken down? I'm worried the staff will think I was snooping when I wasn't - I just got told they were there.

Can't be arsed to read the thread but man, get over yourself. I'm embarrassed for you.

We have a wonderful organisation locally set up by a quite amazing woman. They have what is basically a giant shed and garden in the grounds of a very generous wealthy family. They sell donations for really reasonable prices (baby dress - £1.50, adult dress £2.00, prams - £25.00 etc. They take everything. Some bits they sell on Facebook for the same cheap prices. Anything marked but looks like it could wash out or toys that are a little battered they put on Facebook for free. They run a toddler group with the profits. They aren't a registered charity so it enables them to help in ways charities can't really. They sort out new nice bits for raffle prizes for local schools or organisations. If they know families that are really struggling they will do things like take them for a big food shop, put £10 on their electric, help out with cabs to hospital. Foster carers can come in and grab a full wardrobe of clothes for emergency arrivals. They wash them and drop them back when they are finished with them. People donate excess fruit and one of the ladies turns it into fabulous jam (strawberry and prosecco or blueberry and gin always go first).

They are also in the foodshare scheme so have all of the bread, pastries, rolls, veg and fruit that is going out of date. There is plenty for every one who can use it and obviously free.

The best thing is the atmosphere. There is always a brew on. The garden has a little play area and a sand pit. Kids can play with anyone in the shop. She really listens as do all the volunteers. She offers practical help for those who need it but mostly just has a friendly chat. People sit down with a cuppa and talk to each other while the kids play. She is a lifeline to so many people who are lonely, depressed, or just struggling a little and need an escape.

I love her so much, she reminds you that there are truly good people out there.

I don’t see why anyone thinks op is wrong. The charity shop didn’t want her stuff, she rectified the situation

Nothing wrong with reclaiming the donations she'd made (although it might have been a tall order for the manager to identify the specific bin bags that she'd brought in, out of the 100+ bin bags that were more than likely piled up in the back of the shop) It was the tirade of criticism aimed at the manager that was totally out of order.
Have a cup of tea? Make yourself a cup of tea? That manager would probably have killed for a cup of tea and a five minute sit-down.
Obviously, as they were too overwhelmed to accept more donations, they were overwhelmed with sorting and cleaning and steaming and tagging and pricing and hanging clothes in order to make more room for more donations. I see how overworked the manager is. I see how she has to meet a weekly target income. Nobody wants to turn away donations, but when you're stacked to the gunnels, and yet another couple of volunteers let you down, and the black bin bags keep-a-coming you just get to the point where you just can't stuff any more in. And yes, sometimes it all gets a bit stressy.

And for the record. Not all volunteers are 'ancient' retired people, or on JSA or Community Service. I volunteer in a Red Cross shop because I'm a carer for a family member, and that's quite isolating.
I relish spending my free 3 hours a day working the till in my charity shop and talking to people who aren't in a hurry. Nobody who walks into a charity shop to peruse the goods is in a hurry, obviously. You are not rushing into a shop to buy a pint of milk or a packet of fags. Our customers don't even know what's going to be in here, so their
reason for drifting in is . . .leisurely. And lovely, rewarding and informative conversations ensue. And some regular local customers just pop in for a sit down and a chat with the till-lady. And the till lady loves it! (obviously, that's me) It is in my own interest to be nice and chatty to all-comers. My daily life lacks interaction with grown ups and I go out of my way to be engaging and pleasant. And every day I talk to a vast array of people from all walks of life. The mums who pop in on the way back from school pick up. (And I see it first hand! some kids are really adorable and well behaved. Others come in on scooters and skateboards and mess up the floor and are proper little shits. I don't engage with those parents)

A woman came in with a possibly about 2 year old in a pushchair.
She was buying him a toy which had a gift aid sticker on it, which I had to scan. Both she and I explained to this huge toddler in a buggy that I just had to hold it for a few seconds while I scanned it and then he could have it right back. He wasn't having it. In fact he screamed so loud I was gobsmacked at this toddler's reaction to something so normal. What amazed me was that the mother thought I was being a bit of a jobsworth.
I then suggested that perhaps I could just peel off the gift aid sticker from the toy, and scan it. This made her happy. But what!?
How are kids now making all the rules?

So back to the subject.

People who have just had a clear out and run in and dump 3 bin bags in the middle of the shop without a word, and then rush out to collect another 3 bin bags ad infinitum, not so much affinity with them.
I have been on the till and seen the shop floor fill up with bin bags that somebody is rushing in and out to dump. And yes. 'Dump' is the right word.
Of course we appreciate the donations. And that most peeps just want to dump and run
But please don't take umbrage if we can't take it because we are already overwhelmed. Please don't come back and give us a gob full of indignation! Because you are giving us stuff your children have worn and is still in good condition, and it means an awful lot to you to donate it. We have no way of knowing that your stuff is shit hot high earning stuff.

There is a big sign on the door saying "Please ring the bell for incoming donations" Or occasionally "We are unable to accept donations today, due to lack of space and staff shortages, but thank you for thinking of us" are largely ignored.

As is the sign outside the door saying "Please do not leave donations while we are closed"

A woman came in this morning and said "I was a bit naughty last night. I know I shouldn't have left a donation, but I left a bag outside your back door about 8pm and I've just realised I left the wrong bag.
It was full of brand new baby clothes for my son and his wife. Can you give it back to us?

Given that it might very well have been stolen between 8pm last night and 9am the next morning, would anybody here feel inclined to search through 200 identical bin bags to find the missing baby clothes? If you were the manager, struggling to meet a target, would you put one volunteer onto the job of going through all the bin bags to find one full of brand new baby clothes, when you had to get more stuff out on the shop floor? Especially when it had been left there out of hours so it might have been stolen? And there is a sign on the door saying "please don't leave donations out of shop hours"

Nah. Of course you wouldn't.
I work 20 hours a week unpaid, and I love it and I'd never give it up, regardless of the shit I often get from customers.

On one occasion, when I asked a circa 8 year old to get off his scooter whilst in the shop and stop almost bumping into people, his father approached me and told me that he was going to complain about me and I'd lose my job and my income. He was completely taken aback when I told him that I did this for absolutely no money at all, and that it was unlikely that I'd be dismissed, having worked there for absolutely no cash payment at all for over 10 years so being sacked from my job would just give me more leisure time. I hope it gave him pause for thought.

Why would anyone give their own valuable time for no cash payment at all? For me, it's because I get out, get to talk to and engage with lots of really interesting people. Rich and poor alike pop into charity shops. I absolutely love it, and I am rarely grumpy with anyone, unless they really deserve it.

There were 6 bags in the back shop.

4 of them were black bags. 2 of them were white.

So I very easily got my bags back.

But yes, I have realised that I was unreasonable, out of order, and embarrassment and a dick.

Sorry for not replying earlier- out with my Mum.

not talking about her as if she wasn't there

Well she probably wasn't there. She'd dumped her binbags and was on her way out to get some more. The volunteer was probably panicked because she knew there was no more room at the back of the shop, knew that, and didn't know what the fuck to do to stop this woman dumping who knew how many more binbags full of stuff.

Some people who are emptying a house bring 20/30 binbags.
It's proper panic stations in a small charity shop.

I think the shop were very rude to you op.

This is so rude

“People who have just had a clear out and run in and dump 3 bin bags in the middle of the shop without a word, and then rush out to collect another 3 bin bags ad infinitum, not so much affinity with them.”

Makes me not want to bother honestly. Except my local shop is grateful and I appreciate their time - I shop there as well as donate. They recognise that I don’t have time to hang about and that I donafe each month. If they referred to it as dumping, just because i go back to the car while they are dealing with other customers, I’d be fucking furious.

Maybe everyone should just bin their things - I’m sure charity shop volunteers / workers would be happier then.

I worked in a charity shop one summer as a teenager, and it was a pretty awful experience.

We did not sell electrical items, and we had no storage for them, so we had to reject all of the electrical donations (there was a big sign up on the window saying this). The real anger and bitterness I got from people when I told them we couldn't take their donation was insane - especially considering we directed people to a shop nearby that did take them.

People think that a charity shop should be grateful for any donation, but if they can't sell it or don't have room to store it then it actually costs the charity who have to waste time dealing with it for no profit, and possibly even pay to dispose of it. No one should be rude to you, be please be understanding that the shop will get donations every day/week that only cost the charity and, no, they are not grateful for that.

Thanks DorisDay! :-)

The last lot I ‘dumped’ had a pile of lightly worn fiorelli bags in, and about 4 pairs of Aldo shoes in boxed unworn condition (gifts that didn’t fit). All resellable stuff.

But yeah - don’t have affinity because I went back out to the car to get more stuff after dumping my bags by the till.

And Pomegranate you have clearly come up against some rotten customers but why assume all are bad? Most of your post is irrelevant to the OP situation.

And the OP wouldn't have ended up being patronising if the manager hadn’t tried to backtrack. They said she was dumping her stuff, said that they weren’t taking things. They should have accepted her efforts to relieve them of the problem with grace, as it was, the manager worsened the situation. If the manager was genuinely happy to take the bags, then an apology should have been made on behalf of the earlier staff member.

Mysecret unicorns

Copy and paste your question into a thread of its own for replies.

slithytove you seem to be getting quite angry about this when really you make a valid point:

Ok - most practical thing for me is to bin stuff, no sorting, cleaning, folding etc

Is that best for the environment?

Sure. Take it to the recycling plant where someone is paid to do that shit (maybe better for "the environment" than a double clean in fact) and stop trying to think of yourself as a "good person" for getting rid of your stuff at a charity shop rather then the recycling plant.

Many people will make the decision that they'd rather take it to a charity shop because they have an affiliation with the charity's cause. If - as you have expressed - you are concerned about being "treated like dirt" as the OP was (?!?) because people don't say thank you to you for dumping your stuff at the charity shop without engaging with them, rather than dumping your stuff at the recycling plant and having no need to engage with them, then just take it straight to the recycling plant.

Getting rid of shit doesn't make you a hero.

I used to work in a charity shop and realised pretty quickly that if someone made a big ass deal about their donation, and wanted lots of recognition, it was usually crap stuff, a lot of it not even sellable. The really quality donations were usually given without any fanfare. If the OP is working this hard to justify her items then they were probably not that great.

HOWEVER

We never ever ever turned donations away, ever, or acted less than happy to receive them. Even when we were short staffed and even when we had piles upon piles of bags. We just added to the pile and got on with it. And we were a big national chain as well.

maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today

You’re lucky you weren’t escorted off the premises. Utterly awful way to conduct yourself. You should be very embarrassed.

Stop trying to think of myself as a good person?

It’s actually laughable that you have brought it to that level.

One of the points of charity shops is to do better things with items. Help people who can’t afford new, reuse, give back. Recycling plants (and mine has a very low recycling %) don’t help people to buy things cheaply.

There is literally nothing wrong with a. Donating looked after items and b. Feeling good about it. Nor is there anything wrong with expecting to be treated with basic courtesy while doing so.

And if everyone did as you suggest there would be no charity shops.

And you can sod off patronising me telling me I think I’m a hero. I don’t. I have nice items which can raise money and others may benefit from which is nice, I have no time to give currently so I do this instead. I expect to be treated nicely while doing so even if I’ve given the wrong seasons clothes. That isn’t me thinking I’m a hero. I donate money and fundraise when I can for the cause closest to my heart as Sands doesn’t have a charity shop.

I don’t engage with my regular shop where I know the staff and they know me IF AND WHEN THEY ARE BUSY. So don’t pretend I said otherwise. And no it’s not a concern, because the team at my local shop aren’t twats.

Baldrick - were you ever in the position of having the neighboring charity shop close down and dealing with x2 the amount of people dumping crap on you without so much as a 'hello' before they've arrived with their 4th bag? Because that's what the OP said happened.

Just to clarify I want no bloody recognition.

But there is a massive difference between happily donating items with no expectation of anything other than politeness, and what the OP got back.

There is nothing wrong with expecting politeness, even when you have donated wrongly.

Ok slithytove - well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel.

There were 6 bags in the back shop

So why were they not accepting donations?
We only turn down donations when there are 100/150 black bin bags and cardboard boxes full of crockery and vases and all sorts of unwanted cushions and duvets and odd bits of furniture. And toys and lego and board games, and jigsaws of which all the bits are painstakingly counted out by elderly people in residential care who are actually 'not' intellectually challenged and don't have dementia. They are just, for one reason or another, stuck there and want to do something a bit useful. And their input is fucking priceless. And they do that without much thanks. And all the volunteers who give freely of their time, and their own set skills, for free and for nothing. All these people you encounter in the charity shop. They are giving their time for free because they are very nice people who want to spend their spare time doing something that will benefit humanity.

And here comes you with a attitude and a cob on because one of the women in the shop was having a bad day. Shame on you.

Spend a day doing her job. Unpaid.

At least you ended by making me smile 👍🏻

Why does the woman in the shop get to have a bad day? Surely that goes both ways?

This has really wound me up (obviously)

Donations are good. Keep charity shops going.

It’s shit that many people give rubbish that apparently make all donations untrustworthy. But that shouldn’t be the default no matter how hard it is.

It’s shit that the volunteer was having a bad day. She didn’t need to be unpleasant to OP. OP didn’t really do anything wrong and now that charity shop will lose out from further donations.

If the manager is to be believed, the volunteer gave the wrong information. That is a shame.

But posts on this thread could make people not bother with donating because they see how unpleasantly they are viewed thinking of themselves as hero’s, that they shouldn’t bother, that it’s dumping, it’s rubbish etc. That’s not a good view to portray.

It’s better all round if everyone donates what they can and those working in the shops at least fake politeness, rather than that they are doing the donators a favour - because who benefits then?

It’s so easy to say take it to the recycling plant, but it’s more likely to end up in landfill as general waste. I for one would rather that donations were in shops so those who can’t afford new benefit from decent secondhand stuff. I certainly have in the past.

OP - for clear outs I really recommend BHF as they collect and are happy to do so. Then you avoid the issue of a - making the effort to take stuff and b - it being unwanted.