Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charity Donations - I may have BU

292 replies

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 30/07/2018 14:13

Just done a bit of a clear out - the first of a number needing done in this house over the next few weeks.
Today it was coats and toys from the garage. I always separate into "sellable" and "rags" and send anything unsellable to fabric recycling.

So - 6 black bags into the car.

Went to my charity shop of choice (shop A) - my friend volunteers there - bum, I forgot its closed on a Monday - however I'm out now, need to not carry these things in the car for weeks - I'm in a fairly big town/city - we have a goodly choice of charity shop, even if most in the city centre aren't easy to park at.

Anyway - I find another - Shop B. Pull up outside, road is wide enough to not obstruct the traffic but I'm not "parked" - Grab a couple of bags, take them in, head back to the car for a couple more - I can then hear the front of shop assistant say to someone "Are we taking donations - she's just dumping things"....I take in 2 more bags to be met with the manager from the back office "We aren't actually taking things I mean, I can take this lot but no more - we don't have many volunteers you know, and the charity shop down the road has closed so everyone dumps everything on us".....

I was a bit perturbed - I did say something along the lines of "Sorry, I was just doing my best trying to help...." and left - in a bit of a daze as to the conversation I had just had.

Round the corner to shop C (more main road so I really hate stopping outside but again - its a wide road so I'm not actually obstructing anyone. Popped in, asked "Are you accepting donations?" - the assistant replied Yes - thank you so much, we LOVE donations and we are happy to accept them"....

So I gave her my last 2 bags and explained another shop had really not been very gracious about accepting things.

Now - this may be where I get unreasonable - I was still so upset at Shop B that I went back, stopped the car, and went back in. I said (politely, honest) "Hi, I dropped some bags off about 10 minutes ago but I got the feeling that you weren't happy to accept the donations - I have found another shop that is happy, so if I can have my 4 bags back, I'll take them round there".

Front of shop went to get the manager. She came out of the office "We are happy to take your donations - but there are only 2 of us."

I replied "To be honest, I felt that you accepted my donations really ungratefully - these are items that my children wore and used - I really would rather they went somewhere that my donations weren't seen as a burden"

Manager "Well we are happy to take them".

Me "Well, I haven't been led to believe you are happy to take them, and I feel really upset by the way my donations have been grudgingly accepted. So Can I take them back - I'll relieve you of them and I'll take them to somewhere that has said they would be thrilled."

Manager "We are always happy to take them"

Me - "well, that's not how I've been made to feel - maybe make yourself a cup of tea as I can see you are not happy today but please have a think about how you have made me feel".

Manager - "I don't have 5 minutes for a cup of tea"....

I left, with my bags, took them to shop C who were absolutely thrilled.

I am incredibly non confrontational. I am very shy and quiet but also very generous and have a background in charity volunteering and in customer service.

(I also hit my head really badly just before I went out with something I was taking to the tip and I'm wondering if I've done my head some damage).

For background - 1 of the charity shops is a national chain, 1 is a local charity with 2 shops in our town/city.

The contents of the bags were jackets - good named brands like Regatta, Helly Hansen and Next - as well as some baby born toys and a couple of bags.

Am I the mad evil woman of charity shop donations...???

OP posts:
LookAtIt · 31/07/2018 15:08

That’s lovely OP, a card and biscuits are very thoughtful.

chopsychopsy · 31/07/2018 15:15

Aw, nice one, OP.

I've been a bit peeved in the past when charity shop staff members have been a bit non-plussed at some (very good quality) donations, so I get you.

I do think you went a bit far, but the apology should more than make-up for it - really decent of you.

glintandglide · 31/07/2018 15:17

You’re so sweet OP. I would’ve reacted the same as you tbh, sometimes things just rule you up

Notthatwomanagain · 31/07/2018 15:23

You weren’t a a dick
They were rude.
I think you made a good stand and I’d also have wanted shop C to benefit from my donation not the rude one.

Yes they don’t need to be overwhelmingly grateful but tbh given the number of charity shops around I dont think it harms them to be polite and thankful. It can be a hassle bagging it up and dropping it off and is way easier to chuck in the bin so people should be encouraged to donate

I worked in a charity for a bit and we were told to always accept and always thank customers.

RoseWhiteTips · 31/07/2018 17:14

It’s a sad reflection on them that they would have to told to thank customers! Good god.

RoseWhiteTips · 31/07/2018 17:17

fanfan18

I just can't believe you think charity shop VOLUNTEERS should be grateful for you handing over your unwanted stuff. They have to wade through dirty clothes half the day!

If it’s such a trial for them, maybe they shouldn’t do the job. Of course they should be grateful and show that by being pleasant and polite and by saying thank you.
Frankly I’m embarrassed on their begankf if they think they do not have to do those things, 🙄

RoseWhiteTips · 31/07/2018 17:18

...on their behalf

RoseWhiteTips · 31/07/2018 17:19

Incidentally, you did not behave badly, OP. They did. Nice magnanimous gesture, though. Maybe it’ll give them food for thought.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 31/07/2018 17:25

Fair play to you OP but it was only the ‘cup of tea and think about my feelings’ but that was daft. I know what you mean about the attitudes sometimes so they actually should be thinking about how they’re treating folk.

gettingevenhotter · 31/07/2018 17:37

Yesterday I thought op was a dick.

Today I think she’s got class and style.

What a fucking woman. Wine Her kids are lucky to have such a brilliant role model for a mum. Nice one, op.

Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 31/07/2018 17:57

Well Now you've made me cry @gettingevenhotter

OP posts:
gettingevenhotter · 31/07/2018 18:01

Sorry!

peachgreen · 31/07/2018 18:02

Nice one OP. Everybody makes mistakes, especially when they're a bit embarrassed and frazzled, but you handled this with real class and grace. I'm sure you made their day. Thanks

parklives · 31/07/2018 18:48

You did the right thing in the end op, well done you.

Emmageddon · 31/07/2018 19:06

Aw OP you are a sweetheart.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 31/07/2018 21:31

I think its lovely you apologised. Well done Flowers

GoldenChildReturns · 31/07/2018 22:19

YWNBU to feel the way you did about shop B staffs' ungracious manner towards you. i get where they are coming from- i used to work in a small charity shop (not part of a chain) but they could have been a bit more gentle.

GoldenChildReturns · 31/07/2018 22:21

I do think, though the shop should have put a sign up- "no donations at present please" or something like that.

GoldenChildReturns · 31/07/2018 22:23

slithytove I could easily put my 8 carrier bags in the bin each month I couldn't- the bins round our way have shrunk and are now tiny!

sazza76 · 01/08/2018 07:49

What a lovely gesture OP. We all make mistakes, sometimes its what you do afterwards that shows what kind of person you are. You are an example to everyone.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 01/08/2018 08:38

I don't think you were unreasonable in the first place to be honest. If they weren't accepting donations at the time they should have made it clear and said 'sorry, we don't have the capacity to deal with it at the moment' - not accused you of 'dumping' stuff on them. Charity shops run on donations. Maybe your initial reaction would have made them think a little bit about how they treat donors. Yes, they may have had only a few volunteers and were busy, but they'd have no stock to sell without donations.

CheeseToastie123 · 01/08/2018 08:59

slithytove - eight carrier bags of stuff each and every month? The profligacy is astounding

Thisnamechanger · 01/08/2018 09:25

Good job OP. Good example to set your DC. 👍

RoseWhiteTips · 01/08/2018 09:49

sazza76

The OP did not make a mistake. It has been pointed out repeatedly that those volunteers are the ones who should mind their ps and qs.

🙄

RoseWhiteTips · 01/08/2018 09:50

Some of the volunteers are old dragons, however. I have seen them in action.