DH withdrawing cash behind my back

[FuckingDH]

Reading my bank statement I've seen a few cash withdrawals the last couple of months that I didn't recognise but I thought it was me being forgetful
Yesterday when trying to pay at the shop, I couldn't find my card and DH suddenly took it out of his wallet and said He had found it earlier at the kitchen floor. My card was declined by the way although I was convenced I had funds

Not sure why this morning I woke up all suspicious, I checked my bank account again and I had a cash withdraw again same time as he went out before we go to the shop
I'm fucking pissed off 17 years together and now I started doubting other things as well. If he can lie about this God knows what else he's done
So:

1. Do I confront him which he ll probably deny or
2. Do I change the PIN and see what happens when the little fucker tries to take money

WWYD

I had no idea the machines have their own camera! Ok I ll tell the fucker this morning...

sanityisamyth that's awful! I have my statements but not sure I want to unearth more

Are you sure it is him and not one of your DC? Seems strange he would take money from you account without asking or telling you he needed money for something. Surely he would know you would realise eventually?

I'm not clear from the thread whose money is being stolen? Is this your own money that you earn and keep entirely separately from your DH's income, or is this family money or part of family money that is paid into an account in your name? If the latter, then I don't see how his behaviour is "stealing". It's a bit strange for sure, but not stealing.

You can't open a fraud enquiry with the bank in these circumstances- presumably you gave him the PIN?

It sounds like there is some background here as you seem very angry about (in my opinion) a relatively minor issue.

You think taking someone else's money from their bank account is a minor issue @EmUntitled?

If their finances are separate, which they clearly are, I cannot fathom how this is minor. He appears to have taken the OPs money (he had her card) and left her short. OP I would definitely change the PIN and tell him you've had to ask the bank to investigate suspicious transactions on your account.

I've had similar to this with my ExH. Turned out he was a secret gambling addict, and was seeing someone else too.

Change the PIN, hide your card. Think carefully about what you want to do for your future.

You can't open a fraud enquiry with the bank in these circumstances- presumably you gave him the PIN?

He probably doesn't realise that though.

DCs very small, oldest is 6
It's him for sure, I lost my card couple of times and then he said he found it in the house which I thought it was odd but I brushed off again
Yes it is strange unfortunately

And ok this is pretty obvious and I can track it via statement. If he did the deed with someone while working late... this is what I cannot track!!

Em it's not a relatively minor issue if he's stealing his DW's money. Her card was declined, so either he's left less than £10 in there, or he's gone over her daily limit. I'd go nuts, because that would be food and uniform money.

AlbertaSimmons
My money, my bank account!

I can open a fraud enquiry assuming I don't know DH did it.... right?

I would straight out ask my OH why he was using my card without my knowledge. However if you want a more subtle approach I would change my PIN now and then in a week or so, or once you know he has tried and failed I would mention that the bank were looking into fraud on your account and see his reaction.

How often are the transactions? I would simply say that I contacted the bank when my card was refused and they changed my PIN and said they would look to see if there was any suspicious transactions.

Do you not regularly check your account or spending as £200 is a lot for you to write off as forgetfulness, more if it’s been happening over a few months.

Sorry, OP, what I said sounded awfully abrupt. You must be very upset, too. x

So he’s just been withdrawing cash? Which then means you can’t find out what he’s spending the money on?

So very suspicious ...

No I don't check my account often. I'm generally very unstructured and he knows that
I got a good job last two months so wondering if he started since then. I ll go and check my account

OP it doesn't seem like stealing, it is stealing.

What a shit. Definitely change the PIN!

@FuckingDH it turned out there were endless payday loans (Wonga, likely loans, satsuma etc.) that he was taking out in both of our names, and some from high street banks (Co-op and HSBC).

There were also subscriptions to a porn website (live cameras) that came out of the joint account (that his salary didn't go in to).

he's an ExH for a reason

It's ok Frankwindsor wasn't that bad

That's clearer then. But the first thing the bank will ask is whether anyone else knows your PIN. When you admit that your DH knows it, they will say it's him ( unless you qualify that with some information that means it can't be him - in prison, in a coma, abroad at the time of the transaction etc).
Change the PIN, don't tell him (or anyone) and see what happens.

Minor issue my arse. What a dickhead. Had you mentioned the cash withdrawals to him as well?
Tell him that you have been through your accounts and that someone is withdrawing cash. You will be going to the bank and the police about it and ask them to get film of whoever is doing it. Watch the fucker try to gaslight you again and call you paranoid. Change your PIN and try to keep your purse in your sightline when he is around- handbag next to the bed etc.
Also, do go through all of the statements to get a scale of how bad it is. It might cause you to freak out, but it's better to know than to live in ignorance.
It would not surprise me if it's some sort of gambling issue.

Why does he know your pin anyway, DH and I have our own bank accounts and share all our money, but don't know each others pins, if we want to give each other money we just transfer it. Change your pin, you shouldn't be giving it to anyone anyway.

What a pig. Does he feel entitled now you have a better job I winder. Do you share expenses equality?

Confront and change your PIN. You need to know why he is doing this and he needs to know it's unacceptable

Alberta I don’t think the OP is really asking the bank, just telling her DH she has, to see his reaction.

I would change the pin then check the accounts. Log a fraud case if you think necessary or tell him that you have seen he has taken the money and that you have used to the cameras by the atm to confirm it was him. Then state you expect your funds to be transferred bank into your account. Set a deadline.