Annoyed when people insist you can’t hsve an old child

Original poster

Scotgirl80 · 29/07/2018 01:48

Arghh I’m so flipping annoyed! I have 1 child and I’m constantly being asked when we are going to have number 2. When I say I don’t want any more kids (which is actually not the case, I don’t want more for medical reasons) they think it’s ok to tell me how I need to have more for my dc sake and that it would be such a shame if he was an only child. Is having an only child really that bad? Isn’t it better that my son dosnt have to deal with potentially having a sibling who takes up all our time due to life long medical problems?

OP posts:

FissionChips · 29/07/2018 01:51

I bet if you told them to fuck off next time they mentioned it then they’d soon stop.
Try it, the world won’t end.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 29/07/2018 01:55

Some folk they chunter on about only kids as if they’re an aberration,spoilt little lords etc
A loved child is a happy child there is no obligation to have more than 1 child.honestly
You’ll undoubtedly get use to folk,their”wisdom” and you’ll perfect ignoring comments

BoyInTheOven · 29/07/2018 01:57

I think in your situation I'd be overly blunt and a bit over the top with the reason you can't have any more children... then let the silence kick in and watch them squirm. I think I'd potentially even make up random over the top reasons even if it were just personal choice. It's no one else's business and of course there is nothing wrong with only having one. My OH is an only child and has completely revelled in it - lots of money and time put only into him. And only
Children IME tend to build very strong 'family type' lifelong friendships.
There's also plenty of siblings who cannot stand each other!

AjasLipstick · 29/07/2018 01:59

Say "I wish people would think before asking personal questions." and stare at them.

fizzthecat1 · 29/07/2018 02:04

I think people who say this are jealous. They probably would find having one child easier so are martyring themselves. Ignore them.

OkPedro · 29/07/2018 02:04

The children I have known who are only children, have felt as young adults that they missed out on having siblings
Bare in mind that's not every only child ever
I have 6 siblings, I hated it growing up.. I never had my own space.
I'm now only close with one sister.
My own dc only have each other and currently hate each other
There's no one right way
If i had medical problems that might affect the baby I wouldn't have any more children

lborgia · 29/07/2018 02:15

I got this ALL the time for a few years, even though I had two (“everyone” round here has three). It really really pissed me off. Especially if I’d spent a few moments politely batting the comments aside, and then they still carried on. In the end I took to saying “well, I could have another, but then I’d probably have a stroke, or die, and leave DH with 3 to look after, and we don’t want that do we?”. That worked.

The problem is that people always assume they know what it is like from the perspective of a child with siblings. Lots of kids really never do get on with their siblings, obviously lots do, but it’s not a given. There’s a big gap between mine, and I made sure they went to nursery early as possible, lots of friends around, etc etc... but also because my experience is not that my sibling is my best friend.

Too long, but this is a triggering subject for me

Graphista · 29/07/2018 02:24

Been there etc

Dd now 17 and obviously I'm older so don't get asked so much now.,

I used to feel self conscious about it - now I'm blunt and enjoy their squirming!

"I couldn't risk another pregnancy as for medical reasons there was a high risk we'd both die!" Soon shuts them up!

People can be twats. If they're being particularly twattish I expand on the 2 mc and various medical treatments inc surgeries I needed to even get dd!

lazyminimoo · 29/07/2018 02:24

I dont think they are jealous of people with 1 child ,I have just the one i think its harder with 1 child because 2 could entertain eachother just 1 an they want you all the time lol,, but if you dont mind that its fine, an if they also get to regularly see other kids it shouldnt be a problem at all , my son doesnt see other children much an he doesnt seem to care an is so happy boy but i think to myself at times he would be even happier if he had access to a sibling near his age, he is a bit anti social too an doesnt want to go off an mix with kids at the park ect a friend from school asked him to go to his house to play but my son didnt want to,, hes shy i think. But he wants to play with me an his dad all time so thats why i wish he had a brother sometimes he doesnt like playing alone,, I dont think Im having another one I dont get broody an I have medical things going on atm aswell, people would totally understand if you told them its because of medical reasons though , I think its the right thing to not have another if you know it will likely have serious medical problems

sobeyondthehills · 29/07/2018 03:16

I get asked this and have now stopped being polite, its slightly different in my case in the fact we are just not able to have them, but when someone asks me, I now turn around and say we have been for the last 4 years,

The main thing I have learnt is it is better to be blunt then try and fob them off

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2018 04:10

I am an only child and I had an amazing childhood. I know many others who did as well. I never cared if I had siblings and I still don't. Ignore these idiots who have the gall to judge your life choices.

Homebird8 · 29/07/2018 04:11

I’d be tempted to play roulette with a number of answers depending on the audience and my mood...

I don’t know how to make it happen. God gave us this one.
Turns out I don’t like children.
DH’s medication means it’s a really, really bad idea.
Another pregnancy would be life threatening.
My darling DC is all we could ever wish for. Let me tell you about the time when... And when... And when...

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 29/07/2018 04:16

God people can be such arseholes can’t they? I had complications after my first birth, it’s made me nervous about doing it again (we’d be considered high risk and that’s before you think about me being older now as well). Depends how brave you are but tempting to ask “how would that work exactly?” and watch them squirm.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 29/07/2018 04:23

It’s amazing how insistent people can be when they don’t have to go through it themselves

cariadlet · 29/07/2018 07:30

If people ask how many children I have or when they used to ask if I was going to have any more (which doesn't really happen these days as dd is 15 and I'd be unlikely to get pregnant at my age) I've always just said that we would have liked 2, but it didn't happen for us.

That stopped further questions before anyone had a chance to get intrusive or offensive and before I had a chance to get upset.

Angelicinnocent · 29/07/2018 07:35

An acquaintance of mine had this happen several times until one day she completely lost the plot and loudly told everyone in earshot that her ds wasn't an only child but his older sibling died a few months before he was born.

I wish people would think before they speak, what you see is not always the whole story.

TeachesOfPeaches · 29/07/2018 07:44

Ive been asked when I'm having another as it's not fair to have an only child etc and I'm a (very) single parent!

grasspigeons · 29/07/2018 07:47

I think I do wonder, in my head, whether people will have another particularly when their first is between about 18 months and 4 and it seems to be going well. That's an age gap a lot of people have. I don't say it out loud though and I don't think its better or worse to have another, just common that they do.

candlefloozy · 29/07/2018 07:49

I get this all the time and actually we would both love another one but partners mental health wouldn't cope so we aren't going to risk it. Don't like to tell people the real reason

deenagh · 29/07/2018 07:50

Apparently kids with no siblings do better in life, as they have undivided attention from their parents!

Frankwindsor · 29/07/2018 07:55

A whole lot of people talk a whole lot of shit and they don't seem to realise that other people don't want to hear it.

FWIW I wish I had been an only - great opportunities!

Gumbo · 29/07/2018 08:04

I have one only, having lost several others. Stupid ,insensitive comments over the years mean that I now tend to say, "I decided to go for quality over quantity" while looking pointedly at their 'spirited' offspring

CaveMaman · 29/07/2018 08:19

We can only afford one child. I would dearly like another (even though I hated pregnancy and to some extent the new born months) but it's not possible because we couldn't afford to put a second through nursery and we can't afford for one of us not to work. It makes me really sad but when people ask when we're having another one, I just say the truth, shuts them up pretty sharpish!

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/07/2018 08:21

I know this one well. Apparently I was incredibly selfish for only having one. Well, that’s according to my mother. The fact that I had to go through ivf to have dd, had complications from ivf and had a few attempts before it worked and left me disabled escapes her.

She spent a considerable chunk of my dds birthday party 2/3 years ago bending my friend’s ear about how unfair I am to only have one child and how late I left it. I’ve recently had a hysterectomy as my uterus was the size of a 6 months pregnancy, I also had endo and a cyst. No way was that uterus having anymore children. I was incredibly lucky to have produce one child.

We had a fair few arguments when dd was little. She didn’t care how ill or how difficult and how much pain I was in with the first pregnancy. Just that my dd didn’t have a sibling. She absolutely couldn’t understand I risked being in a wheelchair and bedridden if I had another child leaving dh to be my carer plus quasi single parent.