Annoyed when people insist you can’t hsve an old child

[Scotgirl80]

Errhhh

Also, some of my favourite people (including friends and exes) were only children. You don't need to grow up around siblings to be a lovely, kind person.

I tell them (it's mainly my inlaws) that I currently pay £1k per month for childcare for DC1 and that if they want to give me £1k per month for the next 5 years to pay for childcare for a second child then I'll go ahead and have another

I have an only child (6) and not one person ever has made any comment to me that I should have more. Plenty of people with more than one and told me I made the right choice! Not that their opinion made any difference to mine.

The notion that children are automatically better off with siblings is nonsense.

I have one not by choice. If people are rude enough to comment I am honest and they squirm.

As an only child myself I believe I had a very happy upbringing. Admittedly I have a very large extended family with more than enough cousins to compensate for not having a sibling at home. However I enjoyed being an only child, my parents made sure I had plenty of social interaction with other children and especially as a teenager not having to share my space was wonderful! Only having one child gave my parents extra time with me, I always had someone to help with homework, help me study, play games or just talk to and I never feel like I missed out on anything. Be happy with your decision, your DC is not going to suffer from being an only child and you don’t need to explain anything to someone else.

The problem is that people who are insensitive and thoughtless enough to make these comments are not the sort of people that you want to share your personal situation with. I was once told by a smug bitch at work that I was selfish for not having children. I actually suffered years of fertility issues but I certainly wasn’t going to share that with her. I find ”it’s not really your business” is the best answer.

We only wanted one. Usually I just say that if asked, but if people are being rude to me about it by implying that DS will be damaged in some way (I am an only too) I say that we got it right first time, so no need to carry on trying.

If women have one child they are selfish, evil people if the have more than two then they are ecologically and financially feckless... there is a very small window for perfection and don’t worry if you have two children there are a load more ways to judge and critique women... perhaps they have different dads or you work, or you don’t work or you spent quality time together or you are a helicopter mum...... get more brutally honest in your response or let it go. X

I think however many you have someone will comment
It’s either ‘oo aren’t you having another?’ S/ he will be Lonely/ spoiled etc.

Or ‘oo you’ve got your hands full there. How do you cope? Don’t you know what’s caused that ‘
Haven’t you got a telly etc etc

It’s just stupid nonsense from stupid people

I am an only child and as a child I actually felt sorry for friends who had to share their parents. I never once felt I was missing out by not having siblings.

Now I am heading towards 60, my dad died 5 years ago and my mum is disabled and I am her carer. I occasionally wish I had someone who would share the responsibility (husband and kids are great at helping) equally with me but there is not guarantee that any sibling I might have had would continue to live locally, or be in a position to help so who's to say I would be better off!

I would not have changed a thing about being an only child.

Try not to get too upset, some people seem to ask personal questions all the time. We have twin DS, a lot of time people - especially MIL - have asked "when are you trying for a girl?" or even "shame one wasn't a girl then you'd have a pair". I'd never comment on what children people have or don't have as it seems rude, unecessary and none of my business. Our 2 DS are 16 now and they have stopped asking.

I'm an only child and as a child I wanted a sibling and as an adult I'm a bit worried about being solely responsible for my parents as they get older.. However these were /are minor things. What has had a huge impact on my life has been having loving kind parents and a good upbringing

I have one through choice,people stopped asking eventually

I get this question too. My answer is always no. Full stop 🛑 no explanation

because 2 could entertain eachother

Rubbish.

I have a friend who's kids are close in age and they do nothing but fight and have done for as long as I can remember.

Makes me so glad that we made the conscious decision to stop at one.

I am one of 5 siblings and I honestly can't remember us playing together as kids, so the notion of happily playing together as siblings, is totally lost on me.

A friend of mine had a baby recently. She's in her late thirties, had been trying for quite a while and considers herself very lucky to have one. She knows she's unlikely to be able to have anymore and she is fine with this.
After the baby was born, I went to see her in hospital. She'd had an emergency section and was sore and a bit weepy. Her DH's sister was there and was asking her when she was planning on having the next one! My friend gave a non commital answer and her SIL told her she'd have to have more because "An only child is a lonely child"

I swear I nearly hit her myself! Some people really need to learn to mins their own business and keep their nose out of other people's lives.

People are just making small talk, they don't actually care. If you had 2 of one sex they'd as if you will have another to get the other sex, if you have 2 different they'll say do you not want your dd to have a sister/son to have a brother, if you have 3 then the same, if you have 4+ they'll ask why so many.....

Nobody cares. It's called human conversation and I have no idea why people choose to get irate about it.

It's called human conversation and I have no idea why people choose to get irate about it

It’s invasive. Hence why if someone asks me about my fertility they get told. Their issue if it makes them uncomfortable

21stCenturyMrsBennett how is dead children, medical issues, financial issues and your sex life a topic for small talk? I'm pretty sure it's normal manners to stay well clear of topics like that unless you're intending to have a serious conversation.

how is dead children, medical issues, financial issues and your sex life a topic for small talk

Who said it was? Asking if youre having more kids doesn't have to involve any of that, unless you for some bizarre reason start to talk about those things to someone just making small talk, in which case you can hardly complain about the content of the conversation!

The OP isn’t about just asking whether you are having more kids. It’s those tiresome people who feel the need to tell you why you’re wrong.

That isn’t polite conversation.

The OP isn't asking about people talking about dead kids and your sex life though, is she? So why be over dramatic and claim that's what its about?
If you don't want to have such conversations, don't have them. Nobody makes you.

@betrandrussell I think that in an ideal world and everything else being equal, children shouldn’t be onlies

It’s this type of comment that people are talking about. It’s your opinion - based on nothing but your own biases. Only children have time and time again been shown to be as, or more, successful AND happy as those with siblings. All the rubbish about being selfish and lonely has been scientifically disproved.

So why do you feel you need to posit to other parents that children shouldn’t be onlies. If they want an only they damn well should do what they want and not have to suffer listening to ill informed judgements

So why be over dramatic and claim that's what its about?

If you're continuing to press someone as to why they have chosen the number of children they have, then yes you are doing no more than rubbernecking about their health/sex life.

But then I tend not to converse with people whose idea of imaginative conversation is "when are you having another one"

Things people have said to me as parent of an only.

"It is very selfish depriving X of another child" - Ex-H's grandmother.
"Why haven't you had another?" - my old work assistant.

The ONLY way to deal with people like that is to refuse to enter converation and shut them down. If they're uncomfortable they may think twice about doing the same to other people.