Annoyed when people insist you can’t hsve an old child

[Scotgirl80]

Errhhh

Apart from being boring, it is rude and none of their business. They do not know financial situations or about medical issues. I wish that I was an only child and only ever wanted 1 myself.

There’s a lot of assumptions in this thread that those with only children have a ‘reason’ other than perhaps just wanting one child. Is there the need for a reason for none or two or more?

I am financially very stable, no medical issues. I just wanted one child

People are thoughtless twunts sometimes! People assume my large family happened easily and make comments like “no telly in your house”? Aside from the 6 I have, have had 6 MC’s and still born twins.
I think if you asked my brood they’d all happily have been an only child! xx

Has no-one heard about over population. We are having too many children. Only last week D.Attenborough was advocating we should all have 1 less child. You can always say you are doing your bit for those who indulge in having too many children and straining resources. Single children do seek attention more from parents but with only one, there is more time available. Effort has to be made to give contact with other children but nurseries, activity clubs and then school offer this. Folk who say you should have more are ignorant of life.

Eventually I told my mother to stop asking because it was none of her damned business. It shut her up, mostly.

I had this for years. Never saw the mither as I was an only child. Plus my DS1 was a traumatic birth so I didn’t want to go through that again. Drove me nuts all those “oh you can’t just have one” crap. When I divorced, my DS1 was nearly 11 and stayed living with his dad. He was 12, nearly 13 when I met someone new and had DS2 with my new partner. The age difference and living in different houses means both my boys have/are growing up as “only” children in a way. Doesn’t seem to be doing either any harm. Plus, it’s no bugger else’s business.

I'm an only child. All good. Went through ivf to have my first child, got so annoyed with people asking about having a second. As an only child I love the fact I have my my mum to myself and helping me raise the next generation. I don't have to share Mum with other siblings. We are close and she adores the new lease of life with her granddaughter.

I get asked this regularly. Would love another but we need ivf and haven't managed to save enough yet. I get so sick of the question, people don't think there might be a reason that's sensitive. And of course some people do just want the one...but really it's nobody's business whatsoever.

ha ha this came up in my feed

I’m the eldest of four - 1970’s born with all the challenges and issues that presents 🙄 and the mother of one DD aged 19 who is wonderful but the usual challenging teenager.
I don’t care what anyone thinks or says - our child was meant to be and that’s that!

I'm an only child, my mother was an only child and my daughter is an only child. There are SO many advantages! Just ignore them. Any more than 2 kids is bloody irresponsible and selfish anyway.

Any more than 2 kids is bloody irresponsible and selfish anyway NO.thats BS
Let’s be clear you don’t get to make that shocking generalisation
Anymore than others who are critical of only children

Remember one old dear saying to me ‘aren’t you lucky you have only one’ while pushing only son in buggy just days after second miscarriage. I just smiled. Too painful. Luckily, I did eventually have a second.

I'm an only child. I've been left to care alone for my elderly parents. I don't get any help. One of my DP's died and the other is incredibly reliant on me now. I'm supposed to be going on holiday, and I'm dreading the inevitable phone call when I'm 200 miles away that something has happened. But I can't let my DH & DC's down and not go.
No friends, no family. Only me. I'd give anything for a sibling or two to help me out.

And I know I could of had a disabled sibling, or there could of been any number of reasons why having one would be awful, but honestly, it's so difficult on my own.

If somebody asks when you're going to have a second child, just ask them when THEY'RE going to have a fourth (if they have three), a fifth (if they have four) etc.

If they respond by saying "Three is enough for me!" (or "We'd like a third"), give them an innocent-looking Paddington stare and ask if you should tell a friend (mutual if possible) who has four children that they suggested they'd had one too many.

When they hastily backtrack and (invariably) say "No, no - I said three is enough for ME, but people can have as many children as they like", they have made themselves look very foolish indeed. Say no more and just smile and walk away, point well and truly made.

I just want to say that it depends on your definition of an "old child", but imo it's technically possible. Some might find 12 old, others not so much. ::ducks::

I’ve got on dd, 16, and only ever wanted one child. Occasionally I felt a bit selfish about that decision but I don’t think dd ever asked about having a sibling. And I don’t remember anyone asking me much about having any more. I’d probably say “I’m happy with what I have.”

I have a brother myself and we have always been really close and supportive so I guess that would have been nice for dd but I don’t see any guarantee that siblings will get on.

Each to their own.

This seems to be something that never ends, no matter how many kids you have! I’ve got four and I still get asked/told to have more kids!

I’m 1 of 3 children myself and the only one of us to have any kids. My siblings are happy without any so I keep getting pressured to have more, although I’ve done my best to make it clear there will be no more babies. My gran in particular is always pestering me to another 2 so I have 6 like she did (Even though she has loads of Great Grandkids) It’s very wearing.

My OH is an only child, wasn’t spoiled growing up like some people seem to think happens to only children, had a great childhood and is very happy. His mother encountered much the same as you but had such a traumatic time with pregnancy and birth she was adamant she would never do it again. She can be very blunt though and apparently one day started telling everyone who asked to not be so fucking rude and people got the message. I love her style and wish I was a bit more like her in that regard lol.

I have one child. When people asked if I was having another, my answer was usually " God no, one 's enough ! "
She was a brilliant baby, no trouble, I was just happy with my lot.

People are so thoughtless and stupid. I recall this bloke two days after me having miscarried asking why I didn't have make up on, and if I looked like that then there would be no hope for a second child. Lovely, what a wanker.

Luckily I did have that second child, but we had problems in terms of her being at risk during the pregnancy and we were advised not to have another, so if anyone asks I bluntly tell them that. Job done.

Christ - I don't blame you for being annoyed. I cant understand how people think they have the right to ask such personal questions (or insist you have another? that's mental!).

Some good responses suggested already.

I would never ever say the things you've mentioned to someone in 'RL' (obviously) and I say that as someone who has strong personal views on this - I am an only child and I hate the fact that I'm an only child and as a result, I would never choose to have an only child myself (given the choice - health/ fertility/ finances/ relationship dependent). The only person I would say these things to in RL is my husband - as he is directly involved in our decisions on how many children we would like to/ hope to have. Anyone else? Its absolutely none of my business and I find it baffling.

I recall this bloke two days after me having miscarried asking why I didn't have make up on, and if I looked like that then there would be no hope for a second child. Lovely, what a wanker.

With a nasty attitude like that, I'm guessing that every woman he ever meets is either devoid of make-up, hasn't just had her hair done, isn't dressed glamorously enough or has committed some other 'crime' that would automatically disqualify her from being considered as the 'lucky' beneficiary of his world-renowned coital giftings. Nothing whatsoever to do with his personality serving as the ultimate contraception, noooo, it's never his fault that he hasn't had any for years....

If people are asking nicely I generally just say something like, "Oh I don't think I could cope with two". If they're being goady or judgey I might respond with something more in the line of, "Well, we got it right the first time so didn't feel the need to have more" just to be persnicketty.

This gets me more than annoyed. I’d love a second child, yet during my last pregnancy I had to abort due to serious medical reasons and am currently on the waiting list to be sterilised as it’s extremely dangerous for me to get pregnant again. It breaks my heart, and I have to admit I give very short answers when I get the “don’t you think he’s like a brother or sister to play with” questions.

I have one. I would have liked more. It didn't happen but I feel pretty lucky to have had one at all. There are advantages and disadvantages to having any number so you have to take the positives of wherever you find yourself. DD would love a sibling - all her friends have them and I think she feels lonely sometimes. We arrange play dates and sleepovers obviously but having someone around all the time is what she would like. DH and I both have great relationships with our siblings and it would have been lovely to give her the same but there is no guarantee they would have got on if we had more - plus we couldn't have more so there you have it. But there are many good things about having one which many pp have mentioned and as I have friends who didn't get to have any I am not complaining about my lot at all