Annoyed when people insist you can’t hsve an old child

[Scotgirl80]

Errhhh

I’d been pregnant a total of 20+ months by the time my DD was born. Such joy to finally have a living, breathing baby. Marriage ended not long after and I had a demanding professional career so opportunity for another “try” wasn’t there. Felt sad about that as I feel one learns so much the first time round, it’s a pity not to use that experience etc. However DD never really worried and benefited from a close friendship with a child from a large family who was a constant companion, so I got over it. If anyone had asked me they would have been hit by the whole sad story and would have ended up wishing they’d kept their peace.
FWIW in my professional life I’ve seen so many neglectful and abusive parents who have had more the average number of children. Folk should be congratulating parents for their thoughtfulness in deciding to limit the size of their family to one if that’s what they feel is best for their only DC, their health and well-being, and financial situation.

I've tried for 12 years for dc2. People still ask why I have only one and why don't I "just" have another one. I suspect something happened during the birth of dd leaving me unable but people make it sound as easy as a weekly shop. Don't feel bad, whatever reason you have, just be glad for the one you have.

I had a difficult pregnancy and birth and was left traumatised by the whole thing.

Apparently I shouldn't let that stop me and it might not happen again. Except I'd be at increased risk of complications. I'm happy with my life as it is and I'm not risking my physical or mental health thank you very much!

This thread has been (mainly) a real comfort to me as I try to come to terms with not having another.

Thanks so much to those of you who’ve shared your positive ‘only’ stories.

Hopefully those who’ve reiterated that in an ideal world children wouldn’t be onlies have had reason to think again about voicing that IRL.

I get this a lot. I now say ‘look at her though, I did it right the first time, so why bother’ I also seem to get their backs up because they seem to think I’m insinuating that their 1st child was unsatisfactory to them 🤷‍♀️ Can’t win!

Nothing at all wrong with being an only child. People should mind their own business.

The worst I had was being told it was cruel to my daughter as she would have to look after us on her own when we are old. I also constantly get told by an aunt that "it will just happen" because she was nearly 40 when she had her first child, she forgets that she had spent her life trying not to have a child, different to trying for 4 years for the first then trying unsuccessfully for 8 years.

I used to just tell people that there was no fucking way on this planet I was going through that shit again.
They soon back off!

I’ve had the question asked quite often since DD was born - the first was the midwife wheeling me from delivery room to postnatal after the birth from hell! I generally just ignore the question. I don’t want another child. I don’t want to go through all that again.

Do get a bit about the people who suggest having a sibling to share the load of caring for elderly parents. I’m fairly sure that’s one reason why my parents (both onlies) had a second child. And my brother has been absolutely useless in doing anything about caring for either parent.

Have a second (or more) child(ren) if you want them and can afford them. But definitely not to either provide support for looking after ageing parents and not to provide a sibling for the existing child(ren).

I'm an only child and apparently cried and cried when my mum asked me if I wanted a brother or sister at 6. I certainly didn't feel like I was missing out. In fact I think selfishly I liked having all the attention of my parents

Some people are empty headed halfwits.

One woman at my eldest’s nursery decided to lecture me on the dangers of only children when I was recovering from a miscarriage.
She had four at the time, the eldest being not quite four (!) and went on to have at least seven.
How she had the time to worry about what everyone else was doing was a mystery.
Plenty of headspace, though. Nothing else in there...