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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

683 replies

IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:18

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
FuzzyCustard · 29/07/2018 18:17

Cheering you on IceColdCider. Your holiday sounds wonderful and I hope you have the BEST time. Well done for not being a doormat!

Aprilshowersinjuly · 29/07/2018 18:18

Amazeballs!
Hope you find yourself in a stronger place to ltb when you get back!

Littlewhitedove · 29/07/2018 18:22

Don't forget to report back with his reaction when he calls you after he gets back and finds you gone. I'm sure he will be very upset! Oh to be a fly on the wall. Have the best time ever OP xx

Caffeineaddict994 · 29/07/2018 18:24

Tbh if my DP went away with his DCs without me and without discussing it with me first then I'd have planned my own holiday for the same time and definitely not been there for their return. That's a really shitty thing for him to do so yeah to me yanbu at all.
I completely understand him wanting to take the kids on a holiday but why does that mean you must be left behind? Unless you have a terrible relationship with the DC then surely there would have been no issue for you to join them? Also from they way you say about him always leaving you out/separating you from his family and friends I think I'd be quite tempted to wave him off on holiday then change the locks, then go to your mums and have an amazing holiday with her.

LighthouseSouth · 29/07/2018 18:29

Littlewhitedove "Don't forget to report back with his reaction when he calls you after he gets back and finds you gone. "

actually I'd hope OP would turn her phone off. Give the hotel number to mum and friends. Maybe call en route home to get an idea of what's coming, but otherwise enjoy.

tbh I hope you get enough thinking time to realise you should dump him OP!

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/07/2018 18:35

Have an amazing time!

Detaching from this self-absorbed person, who doesn’t seem to care about you at all, would be the best idea.

icelollycraving · 29/07/2018 18:38

Hopefully your holiday will be an amazing time to realise you deserve better. Have fun!!

Isleepinahedgefund · 29/07/2018 18:51

I’ve been in almost the exact same situation as this OP. It’s a real relationship killer. He’s not your partner.

numptynuts · 29/07/2018 18:54

Have a great time!!

Cambionome · 29/07/2018 19:01

Well done op!!! 🍸🏊🌅

strawberrisc · 29/07/2018 19:13

Yay! Keep us posted!

IceCreamFace · 29/07/2018 19:19

YES! Enjoy your holiday! Would love to know what his reaction will be when he finds out!

Sunnybeachbabe · 29/07/2018 19:24

Woohoo love the update, the holiday sounds great, have fun!!

HappilyHarridan · 29/07/2018 19:29

Good for you :) I bet you will have a brilliant time!

ShumpaLumpa · 29/07/2018 19:30

Fab news. Don't answer the phone when he calls!

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 29/07/2018 19:32

Do no change the beds or do a big shop ( bread and milk is fine).

Have a lovely time in Croatia. When are you telling OH?

happypoobum · 29/07/2018 19:36

Honestly I wouldn't be going back there. What's the point? You sound like you are just a convenient housekeeper.

Fuck that shit.

I would get myself somewhere else to live lined up and move out. And don't make beds/fill fridge. You are not the hired help or even an equal partner. Flowers

Jozxyqk · 29/07/2018 19:41

It does seem like you get extremely little out of this relationship. Hope you have a lovely time in Croatia.

confusedmomm · 29/07/2018 21:26

Good for you! Nothing at all wrong w going on holiday w the kids but not discussing it would annoy the hell out of me. My DH and SS take a holiday themselves every year and I think it's great for their relationship. We still take him with us on all together holidays too. But it is discussed. Please don't go making beds etc that's his problem to sort not yours. You're his partner not his maid.

rookiemere · 29/07/2018 22:44

Well done OP you rock! So often on here people complain but never take any decisive action to make their life better. Not you ! You're a real life Shirley Valentine

ohfourfoxache · 30/07/2018 00:00

Oh that’s bloody marvellous! Well done, still hope you have the most fantastic time x

GreenTulips · 30/07/2018 00:06

Great news - sounds like a fab holiday.

Please report back! I hope you'll just let him find out all by himself .... and yes do leave the fridge empty - and most of the cupboards (is there a local food bank you can donate too?)

DarklyDreamingDexter · 30/07/2018 00:25

Well done OP! You'll have a fabulous time! Make sure you leave the food cupboards/fridge empty so his first task after his fun holiday is an emergency trip to Tesco! And for good measure, strip all the beds beforehand so he has to dig the bed linen out of the airing cupboard and make up all the beds before he can rest. Don't tell him you're going....Let it be a nice surprise for his return, just a note on the table. 'Gone on holiday, back Friday.'

pilates · 30/07/2018 07:27

Good for you op. He can deal with the aftermath of a holiday, loads of washing! I would put some basics in the fridge and make the beds up though.

omgimhavingababy · 30/07/2018 07:35

I love that you have sorted yourself out with what sounds like a relaxing and adventurous trip!! Enjoy it...you deserve it!! But make sure you do nothing to help them on their trip..he really doesn't deserve your goodwill...