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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

683 replies

IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:18

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
SpiritedLondon · 07/08/2018 00:21

I think the difficult time is actually going to be when you get back since the initial feeling of power is likely to dissipate and it will be easy to slide back into your previous roles. You need to decide how you want the relationship to change moving forward - if you want it to move forward at all. That goes the same for his children too. There’s nothing to say that teenage boys need waiting hand and foot any more than your DP so you need to consider how much you currently do that could actually be done by them instead. Perhaps one of them would like to try making you a bloody lasagna for a change - they’re old enough to do it. If they’re not prepared to step up then perhaps it will be enough for you to see that your future lies elsewhere. In the meantime enjoy your hols- nothing needs to be decided today.

PinkGinFreak · 07/08/2018 00:23

You'll have your hands full when you get back but I would love to know how this turns out if you find the time to tell us op, best of luck xx

findingmywaytoday · 07/08/2018 00:28

Well done Grin

Cannot believe the blatant attempt to get you to "step online" by saying maybe you needed to reassess. He sounds like a bully.

TemptressofWaikiki · 07/08/2018 00:33

If you decide to not dump this massive wankbadger for good, then you should stop cooking on weekends and let him actually look after his own kids. As an aside, they are old enough to do clean up and make their own fecking beds!

bookbuddy · 07/08/2018 00:49

Good for you OP! Enjoy yourself Wine

SandyY2K · 07/08/2018 00:52

Excellent that you've gone away and this is why financial indepence is vital. You have the means to get up and to when you want.

Raindancer411 · 07/08/2018 01:21

I like your response to the cooking. Their his kids, so he can do the home cooking for them now 😂 Or buy a pre made lasagna sometime and put it in a glass bowl and pass it off as your own and see what they say

Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/08/2018 01:53

OP send him a lasagne recipie to cook with the kids. They will have a great time cooking together.

IAmInsignificunt · 07/08/2018 02:25

RTFT like this Shock

SalemBlackCat · 07/08/2018 05:53

So he doesn't take you to meet with his family, his own children weren't even told you weren't coming, he refuses to discuss where and what he is doing.....

He is not in a relationship with you. He does even like you. He doesn't even want to be seen with you. Take the hint. Get back early, put his stuff outside, and change the locks. What you have is a freeloader. He does not want to be with you. In fact, it seems like he enjoys taunting you and upsetting you. How do you even know he is having drinks with his 'sister'? Or even meets with her? It could/more than likely is another woman, and he will tell his children on this 'holiday' and swear them to secrecy. You are not in a relationship. You are single. He is hoping you get the message. As I said, arrive back early and turf him out. Change the locks. Everything.

Rememory · 07/08/2018 06:13

So what are your holiday plans today OP? I've heard Croatia is amazing. Forget the arsehole till you have to deal with him again, just enjoy yourself Wine

Teaandcrisps · 07/08/2018 06:27

Have a fab holiday OP - hope you have time to reassess whether you want to stay in this relationship. What do you get out of it? Sounds like you are an amazingly strong person with lots of independence. Is he holding you back?

TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 07/08/2018 06:36

OP, would his kids have requested lasagne? It's more likely a clumsy attempt to try and get you back in your box by him surely? He's trying a compliment sort of thing and using the kids as a bit of a weapon here. Most kids on holiday don't think about a meal they will have once home. It's bollocks. It's more manipulation. I really hope you have opened your eyes to this. You are getting all the downside of a relationship and none of the upside.

Goosegettingfat · 07/08/2018 06:53

Exactly what taintfor said.

Cuttingthegrass · 07/08/2018 07:05

The lasagne conversation was maybe the kids saying again they wish you were there and him saying what shall we ask her to cook when we got home to evade questions from them.

OP be careful when you get home that he doesn't put the spin on that you couldn't holiday with them as you were on your own holiday. This time you need to be blunt with them and say it how it is. That their Dad didn't invite you so you decided spontaneously to go away as he had the car anyway so your commute would have really difficult and why sit at home alone when you could be having fun in the sun. Of course you'd have loved to have joined their holiday but it is what it is.

Agree to not answering his texts. He's a goady selfish twat. He has demonstrated he still doesn't respect you.

Enjoy today whatever adventures or relaxing time you will be doing

Fang2468 · 07/08/2018 07:13

OP send him a lasagne recipie to cook with the kids. They will have a great time cooking together.

I was going to suggest this, but then realised he can google a recipe just as well as the Op can. OP It’s not your role to do the ‘thinking’ about their food.
I would seriously consider extending the holiday so he has to fend for himself a bit longer with the washing & cooking for a few days too.
Seriously who does he think he is, throwing you a few little crumbs of ‘l want to book a break with you, something you really deserve’ then in the next breath telling you to cook a lasagne!!! I find it so patronising and disrespectful taking into consideration his attitude before he left.

mummmy2017 · 07/08/2018 07:18

Tell him that you all need a reassessment of house duties, him taking them on holiday has shown you that the boys are now young men. And this has shown you that there is no need for you to cook, as they can find a meal themselves, and you feel all 3 of them need to take over most of the household chores...

SandyY2K · 07/08/2018 07:57

Most kids on holiday don't think about a meal they will have once home

Exactly. I have teenagers and that's the last thing on their mind.

Kids enjoy holidays and all the eating out at restaurants and takeaways.

You make his life easy by taking care of him and the kids.

When such men have split from their previous partner and exhibit laziness with the kids....I always question/wonder why they split.

He'd have been leaving everything to her when the kids were younger...and much harder work too.

If he treated his Ex the way he treats you...no wonder they split up.

annastasiabeaverhausen · 07/08/2018 08:00

He asked you to cook lasagne. Hmm He's trying to put you back in your box isn't he.

beetrootbang · 07/08/2018 08:04

It's time to move on I think. He won't change.

Thebluedog · 07/08/2018 09:34

Good for you OP. Unfortunately this will only get worse before it gets better. Sounds like he’s used to getting his own way and have been stealth treating you very badly. You’re now pushing back, the holiday, not sat waiting for him to return with clean beds and food in the fridge, your comment back to his ‘lasagne’ request. He won’t like it and he will either adjust and start acting like a decent human or you’ll end up constantly arguing before it breaks

ShumpaLumpa · 07/08/2018 10:20

Thanks OP. Was the 'Another holiday night ends shitty' in response to 'Ok. Fuck off.' ?

meercat23 · 07/08/2018 10:25

Perhaps you should tell him "not for me"Smile

Justonedayatatime11 · 07/08/2018 10:34

OP you're bloody amazing!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/08/2018 10:35

IceColdCiderPlease you are my new heroine.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Enjoy Friday night out with your friend.

Enjoy thinking about what the rest of your life might look like without this CF in it.

And his children would not be requesting lasagne on their return (they are teenagers on holiday!) that was an instruction from him, wanting you tied to the oven on their return. Tell him to piss off and go and drink wine with your friend.

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