To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

[IceColdCiderPlease]

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

Don't tell him you are on holiday. Then he can say to the kids you preferred to go on your own holiday without them and that gets him off the hook with their questions. That will damage your relationship with them. Don't give him this upper hand!

Also, don't land back the same day. No point in going away so he'll miss you if you are there waving him off and there a couple of hours after he gets back.

Hope you didn't empty the fridge. It would be hilarious to imagine him making a brew when he gets hom and pouring in the milk only for it to plop into his cup in lumps and then it dawns on him you might not have just popped down the shops.

He knows.
I cracked.
For context we live about 5 minutes from the Thames.

After a few days of endless photos of the AMAZING place they are staying, cold beer & cocktails and notifications of how far they’d cycled that day (sad bastard) he sent one of them kayaking.

I had just been kayaking & taken some photos so I replied to his with ‘Snap 😃 ‘

‘ What do you mean ?’

‘ Snap I’ve been kayaking too. I love it 😊 although it’s very hot but the cold beer at the end was an incentive 🍺’

‘Oh did you go to that place I took my DC last year ? ‘

‘No I’m in Croatia. I remembered you saying everyone deserves a holiday so I thought this week was the perfect opportunity for me to have a break.
Xxxx is picking me up from the airport late Friday as she has to drop her Dad off so we are going to go out for dinner & drinks & I’ll maybe stay at hers instead of getting the train . I’ll see you all sometime on Saturday ‘

2 hours of text silence despite it being read.

He then text that maybe we need to reassess as I don’t understand that ‘he needed this time’

We had a long message session.

I said I completely understand that he needs the time with his DC but I was very hurt to just see it on the calendar with no discussion regarding dates etc . He keeps saying we are ‘together ‘ but I said booking a holiday with NO discussion is not together.

He has spent the afternoon messaging about 2 weekends time. I’m to choose somewhere to go, something that will make me happy and to choose something/somewhere that I deserve.
It was never about anything other than feeling like a doormat & respect.
It does feel like a knee jerk ‘oh shit’ reaction on his behalf and an appeasement

I have to agree a complete knee jerk reaction as he's realised that you may have seen the light and had enough of being unpaid skivvy...

It isnt just the holiday though is it?

According to your previous posts he leaves you out of family meet ups , treating you like an outsider.

Let's hope the penny has finally dropped for the idiot.
But HE should be looking at a nice weekend away together. That's if you still want to have anything more to do with him

@HolyMountain - yes he does. If he wasn’t away HE had another invite to a family do.

I think we have a lot to talk about on our respective return.

I’m sick of ‘wish you were here’ ‘it’s almost perfect we one thing missing ‘

If you truly wanted me to be at a dinner/pub/holiday I would be there.

I’m sick of being second best & maybe this is the catalyst that i needed.

Too little too late imo.

You've taken the power back and he knows it.

See if you want to go anywhere with him by how he reacts in the week after you're back.

The context for the Thames is he would automatically think I’d gone close by.

You’re certainly worth more than the way he’s treated you.

Don’t get suckered in by his offer of a nice weekend , he’s been a twat to you.

I hope all works out for you OP .. it’s sad that one has to take a drastic measure or so called for the significant other to kinda see the light ... I salute you 🌷some of us just keep silent,take it a day at a time & make the most of a shitty situation

Whaaat? He booked a holiday that you weren't invited on, with zero discussion about it, told you you'd probably ruin it for him by being miserable when he called, but is now rubbing your nose in it by telling you how he wishes you were there and "it's almost perfect - one thing missing?"

Is he having a fucking laugh???!!!!
I'd ditch him for that alone. Bastard.

You’re brilliant op

Sounds like hes treated you with no respect for too long. Pretty much as a live in servant. Not a partner. I think he forgot about you as a person (if he ever knew) and just slotted you into his life of what you can do for him.

All this stuff about him needing time is very one sided. No attempt to see your point of view. In fact hes made you into the bad guy for daring to be upset and complain.

The best thing you can do now is keep him at a remove and keep up the carefree independence. He thinks you need him more than he needs you. Its a shock to find out he needs you more (for non-romantic reasons)...

Id put the appeasement trip on hold for now. If you let yourself be bought off then the story will become "he messed up but he fixed it". Whereas you will still feel the root problems haven't been addressed. A bit more time apart will let you reflect on whether your relationship is what you want it to be and he can think about his behaviour more too.

Oh he can get tae fuck with that appeasement BS. He knew you wanted to come on the holiday and were hurt at your exclusion; he didn't fucking care until you left the house. I had this with an ex - he did what I'd asked AFTER he left, which really hacked me off. Either don't do it at all, or do it when I ask - don't give me a fucking half-arsed response after I've given up on you.

Speechless
I can't figure out if he is mad or he now understands your point of view?

Don't let this slide. Wish you were here: well you could have invited me!

And as for you choosing where you'd like, how about he put a little thought into it?

Does he often tell you what he wants to do with you or for you, instead of actually doing the stuff OP?

Just tell him him to F off & leave . It's ridiculous

Back tracking like shit.

Even the 'nice' thing you are going to do in a couple of weeks you have to do the donkey work deciding and picking. No thought from him.

He managed to book a holiday with his DC without your input but you have to do the work for one with him.

He just is worried he has gone too far and is losing his cook, shopper and cleaner.

You deserve better OP. Please don't stay with him.

I agree, too little too late. His idea to make it up to you is for you to pick a special place. Sounds like arranging it to me. Why not pay for it yourself. And go with someone else.

Love your 'me too' response.

What @Eddielizzard said really, just that.

A weekend away? He’s panicked rather epically there!

You know what we all think of him, but what do YOU think of him OP? Do you think this is the start of him changing? Or are you mentally checking out?

OP just wanted to say... you're awesome.. !

Loving your work :)

Excellent update. Enjoy your holiday.