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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

683 replies

IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:18

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

OP posts:
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9
MissP103 · 04/08/2018 06:14

All good and well to go on holiday. But unless you are leaving him when you are back, then its just a game of tit for tat.

Cuttingthegrass · 04/08/2018 09:26

nc because she doesn't HAVE to tell us anything.

OP probably doesn't know herself. She's been incredibly assertive. Give her some slack. She needs this holiday to chill and reflect.

emmyrose2000 · 04/08/2018 13:30

Oh I misunderstood too, I thought you were going away on the morning as he came back in the afternoon. Definitely don't get back the same day as him as he will just expect you to do everything. Give him a few days so he has to do his own washing. Or better still don't go back at all!

Ditto. Leaving on the same day he returns seems more logical.

Doingreat · 04/08/2018 13:59

But I thought he was going for 2 weeks? So he's been away 1 week up till now? And she will return on the same day as him? I'm confused.

pilates · 04/08/2018 16:24

I thought the whole point of op going away was so she would miss the headache of cooking, washing etc when they get back. She is going to clobber it all on her return that night 🤷‍♂️

IAintEvenBovveredThough · 04/08/2018 20:12

I thought you were leaving just as he came back.. what's going on I'm so confused😂!

MotherofTerriers · 04/08/2018 20:15

Whatever you decide to do - and I know what I'd be doing - when you get back, I hope you're having a very lovely holiday

PatheticNurse · 04/08/2018 22:31

I'm as confused as everyone else. I thought OP was going away the day he returned too.

BewareOfDragons · 04/08/2018 22:50

Hope you're having a fab time and that you've managed to extend your trip while you ponder your life ... Flowers

Original poster
IceColdCiderPlease · 04/08/2018 23:32

Wanker Update :

He doesn’t know I’m away yet but we’ve had a massive blow up via text

Him to me : I’m not understanding that he needed time with his DCs
Me : just communicate with me
Him : I don’t want to speak to you anymore tonight you are ruining everything

All I ever wanted was a discussion

Him (in my mind ) : ‘ look darling- it’s not ideal & I appreciate everything you do but I need this time ‘

I just wanted a conversation

Anyway the sun shone brightly today. Tomorrow I conquer my fear of water to go white water rafting

It’s not them going on holiday without me it’s the lack of appreciation- i’m , as we all are, someone.

I swore I wouldn’t cry but I had a boo but the cold beer is helping 🍺

OP posts:
Original poster
IceColdCiderPlease · 04/08/2018 23:43

I’m sorry that was to worse update ever.

Left yesterday- hotel is amazing although I woke at 5.30 this morning.

Spoke to DP this afternoon/evening.

It got heated because he kept mentioning his DCs asking why I wasn’t there & I said it’s because I wasn’t invited.

I then did say (rightly or wrongly)

I’m good enough to wash , cook but not good enough to take on holiday....

Apparently if I don’t do it out of love then don’t do it (that his answer)

OP posts:
Cuttingthegrass · 04/08/2018 23:59

Oh OP. He doesn't respect you it seems.

Don't let him ruin your holiday. Turn your phone off. He doesn't know you're away. Enjoy rafting. Shriek and laugh and make yourself some happy memories. Wine

whattimeislove · 04/08/2018 23:59

So you're supposed to be his skivvy out of love, yet he doesn't love/respect you enough to discuss holidays with you, or even consider inviting you?

Love should be a two-way street.

I'm afraid unless he's full of apologies I'd be seriously reconsidering this relationship once you get back. I also wouldn't engage with him via text either - don't want him to put a dampener on your holiday...

findingmywaytoday · 05/08/2018 00:05

Sorry but it doesn't sound like he has any respect for you at all, let alone love. You don't treat people you love and respect like that.

LeighaJ · 05/08/2018 00:06

"Apparently if I don’t do it out of love then don’t do it (that his answer)"

That sounds like a version of "If you love me you'd insert anything "

You can argue that about Anything.

He's ruined his own holiday by being an arse to you and failing to communicate with you and his children. His children clearly want you there...so it sounds like the issue is him not wanting the same, so I agree with the others on reconsidering things.

ihateaparade · 05/08/2018 00:09

It sounds like DP has realized he screwed up based upon his children's questions so he's trying to make this your problem...the best defense is a good offense. If you take ownership of his children's "upset" then he's off the hook. F that. You deserve a fab holiday...and the fact that you even considered stripping/washing/making beds and shopping makes you a far better and nicer person than I'll ever be.
I hope you return with amazing tan lines and an understanding that you deserve far better than this CF (texting you about drinking rose with his sister while you're home alone...wtf?) My hat is off to you for making this amazing holiday happen for yourself. VERY gutsy. You GO girl!

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2018 00:09

What a twat.

Enjoy your holiday! Hopefully having a break from him and his ridiculous messages give you the perspective you need to realise he’s using you and isn’t committed to you or making you happy and you’re much better than this.

PerverseConverse · 05/08/2018 07:35

Stop engaging with him ffs. He's a twat and you know it. Why on earth haven't you switched off his messages? Enjoy your holiday and make plans to leave. There's only misery in your future if you stay with him. If you leave the world is yours and your future will be happy and free of his abusive ways.

arranfan · 05/08/2018 07:44

As the children are questioning this, it's his error and his alone. Don't accept responsibility for any part of it as he's trying to give it away.

Enjoy your time away. Reflect if this is the man with whom you can have a sustainable relationship based on love and mutual respect and consideration.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 05/08/2018 07:45

I think your relationship is over.

Have a lovely holiday.

theredjellybean · 05/08/2018 07:52

you had absolutely every right topoint out to him that you are good enough to be his maid/skivvy/housekeeper but not the person he wants to take on holiday, intereact with his children, socialise with etc

honestly OP i have in years of mumsnetting only said this once but you get my second ...LTB

sparklepops123 · 05/08/2018 07:56

Stop talking to him while you're on holiday, he's spoiling it and he's not even there. Say you're prepared to talk next week

sparklepops123 · 05/08/2018 07:56

Stop talking to him while you're on holiday, he's spoiling it and he's not even there. Say you're prepared to talk next week

winterisstillcoming · 05/08/2018 08:14

If he loved you he'd take you on holiday with his kids

VladmirsPoutine · 05/08/2018 09:09

I think this would be the end of the road for me.