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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone on mumsnet actually like their MIL..?

191 replies

Tutulafromage · 27/07/2018 20:21

I do
I have noticed that MIL’s get a bad rep on MN...anyone got any positives about their other half’s mother...?

OP posts:

toomuchlikehardwork · 28/07/2018 20:09

Yes I get on very well with her. She's been here today and we were having a really good giggle about a couple of things. Often go out with her just the two of us.

Dumbledoresgirl · 28/07/2018 20:18

Yeah mine is ok. She isn't at all like me but we have come to an understanding of each other over the years. She has tried hard not to be the sort of MIL nightmare you read about here, and I have found that meeting been halfway is the best way forward. E.g., from first having children, I invited her to holiday with us. I find her irritating at times, but that says more about my intolerance than her personality. I could never regard her as a mother figure to me, but we get on ok.

JazzyJelly · 28/07/2018 20:19

I love mine. She's a wonderful person, she really made me feel part of the family.

drspouse · 28/07/2018 20:52

I liked her, she was lovely and funny in a very quiet way. She also brought up DH to be a grownup.
Sadly she developed vascular dementia and then died following two strokes when my DC1 was a baby.
DH drew the in-laws short straw. My family are bananas, mainly not in a good way.

SugarPlumLairy · 28/07/2018 21:31

My first Mil was an utter delight and she/I were so sad when I parted from her son, even though she thought I was right to do so and apologised for his behaviour. Lovely Mil.
Had lovely relationships with nearly all my ex boyfriends mums too 😊

My Mil now.......
nasty, spiteful, negative, drunk, racist, snobby creature. She was a pretty grim mother and my DH sees her rarely as she has not a positive bone in her body but he wants a relationship with his dad.
I have done my best to be kind, understanding, build a respectful relationship etc. However, having been told to "get on the boat back home" (my family aren't English), having my adopted daughter slagged off and told "she's not real family" having been told I couldn't have a wedding dress and should just wear a navy suit to a registrars office amongst many. Many more things... yeah I don't like Mil my and don't see much of her at all.

So, it's not Mil status that defines whether I like a person or not, it's their behaviour.

And if people have never experienced the damage a bad Milcan do, they really shouldn't berate someone in the throes of dealing with one.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 28/07/2018 22:09

No. But I loved her mum. DH was his Nan’s favourite, by a mile, so we had common ground. She was fab.

Malala21 · 05/08/2018 19:31

I’m writing as a mil and looking for some advice. My dil was charming when she met my ds but over the years, approx 10, she’s grown more and more distant and cold. She tries to get out of visiting us, avoids eye contact, gives one word answers, converses very little, never suggests meeting up, often leaves her food on the rare occasions she visits, tries to get out of any photos- she’s extremely bossy to my ds who though embarrassed, shrugs it off. She brings up their boys very rigidly though that’s up to them and I’d never ever comment. The thing is, she is very charming to the rest of the family eg my cousin and my mil. I keep wondering if I should ask her out for coffee and just say that our relationship seems a bit strained and that we’d like to be closer. I don’t want to ask if we’ve done anything wrong neither do I want to list examples of times when she’s been cold and other folk have noticed and commented later. We are very different people- I’m very sensitive, soft and little bit scatty, she’s very matter of fact, not touchy feely, outdoorsy, get on with it person. My dh is sick of it and can hardly face seeing her- he’d have said something years ago if I’d let him. So- apart from saying why do you not like me? what can I say??

EdWinchester · 05/08/2018 19:35

Love mine. She is the best.

corythatwas · 05/08/2018 19:46

I loved mine--and frequently said so on MN. Miss her loads.

Helloisitteaurlookingfor · 05/08/2018 19:54

My MIL is lovely, however, that doesn't mean she doesn't stick her nose in and get too involved sometimes. Overall I am lucky to have her though.

tillytoodles1 · 05/08/2018 19:58

No, she was very posh and I'm working class with quite a strong accent. She was working class herself but developed a posh accent and had a really good job. She's dead now, but she was a snotty madam and I think I reminded her of herself.

TheHobbitMum · 05/08/2018 20:02

Me My Mil & FIL are simply wonderful and I genuinely love them like they were my own parents. In some respects I trust them more with DC than my own mum. They do an awful lot for us and we would truly struggle without them. I even holiday on my own with MIL and we all have out yearly 2 wks holiday together. I consider myself incredibly lucky though after reading some in law horror stories

I'm often sticking up for the great inlaws in real life conversations

chaoscategorised · 05/08/2018 20:06

Mine is amazing. Unfortunately she is very poorly and won't be around for much longer, and I am struggling to hide how upset I am around DH - obviously, his grief is greater and I want to be supportive and strong for him, but I am devastated.

starlightmagic · 05/08/2018 20:09

My future MIL is awesome, can talk to her about anything and is so supportive! It could be awkward as technically I’m her boss but it works!

Namelesswonder · 05/08/2018 20:10

No, she is a vile racist who said she would disown my DH if he married me (I’m white, he isn’t). She wouldn’t let DH invite any of his family to our wedding. Thankfully we live 200 miles away from her.

TorviBrightspear · 05/08/2018 20:14

My late (ex)MIL was ok. She wasn't nasty, was pleasant, seemed to like me, could talk for Britain and at times was quite generous. But I can see how her behaviour and upbringing led to Ex and his abusiveness.

But, there will be a disproportionate number of people on here who don't like their MILs.

It's likely that most people like, or at least get along with, their MILs, but they'll be unlikely to post.

It's the people who have issues with MILs who are most likely to post, because they'll be wanting to vent/seek advice etc. So a thread like this won't be a true reflection of RL relationships.

sockunicorn · 05/08/2018 20:31

mines amazing :). think she prefers me to my DH (her much loved) DS .

dont get me wrong she sometimes oversteps the mark, hears "bath then bed at 7pm as "bed at 9pm with a face covered in ice cream and a bag of crisps in your greasy little paw", was intent on feeding my children sugar from birth and is constantly kissing them on their faces and trying to hug/touch them ... but I ignore it :). The good outweighs the bad and the one day a week she sees them and dictates their food and routine is not going to kill them. Shes actually an incredible person and loves my little family.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 05/08/2018 20:32

Yep love mine. She's not perfect, neither am I, but she welcomed me as part of the family from day 1.
Dh has rock solid, impenetrable boundaries which helps a lot!

killemwithkindness · 05/08/2018 20:59

I'm undecided on my MiL, I don't agree with all her choices , but my DH is pretty awesome so she went right somewhere along the line, so I'm grateful for that.

And I'm pretty sure my DM is maybe a bit more hard work than his

boobietrucks · 05/08/2018 20:59

Love my MIL. She's been more of a mother to me in 10 years than my own mum ever has. I'd be lost without her!

CountFosco · 05/08/2018 21:04

I likke mine. She's staying with us at the moment and barring the odd comment about the DDs being princessesshe's been fab. Done lots with the kids, cooked some fantastic meals and babysat last night. She's very easy going and a lot less judgemental than my DMum who thinks DH is a freak against nature because he's a MAN who can COOK.

BlueUggs · 05/08/2018 21:06

My mil is absolutely lovely....my mother on the other hand........🤬

Fabricwitch · 05/08/2018 21:09

I do like mine but she can be hard work!

wonkylegs · 05/08/2018 21:10

I love mine she's great, I'm much closer to her than my own mother

Hippopotas · 05/08/2018 21:13

Yep mine is super nice. She has fab taste in music too.

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