Mil keeps asking and asking

[Stormi12]

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

Ilove you're probably right, I haven't come across this before. My dd doesn't really like her mil, but has never said it. I just know because I know her. But her pil are very kind and have accepted my grandson into their family ( her child from a previous relationship)
so I wouldn't be very impressed if she acted like the op and I would tell her so.

mydog to me she sounds like a new mother asserting her Role as a mother against the tide...

Perhaps you never had to repeat those empowering words to yourself because you had no one minimising the fact that you are the mother of your child. Terrible place to b

Being. Sorry, my mistake.

I do understand her asserting herself, it's her baby and it's up to her what she does. It's just the princessy language I can't get past

I think going on about the MIL kissing her DS on the lips makes the OP sound juvenile, especially calling it 'gross'. It's not as if they're committing incest, and calling it abusive is insulting to those of us who have actually suffered abuse.

You might not like it, but it really isn't anything to do with you. I'd have felt a lot more sympathy for you if you hadn't gone on about that.

OP, my MIL steals and people on MN told me I should tolerate it 😂

Ignore the ones that don’t understand why you posted and are just laying into you for the kissing thing, they are being defensive for a reason!

Sure Tokyo. Believe as you may. Blinded by family, chained to obligation, stuck in the fog. Please refrain from posting on my thread if you don’t feel my demeanour or question is appropriate. I’m sure you must have obligatory family engagements to attend to?

No one should be kissing MY son on the lips. Absolutely no one.

My philosophy is to get people to treat my baby like I would anyone else’s. That means if I’m holding baby and am done, I pass baby back to the parents and not to the “next in line”. It means I ask before picking up the child. It means I follow the rules “ex. No driving lo around” it means I don’t divide and conquer, it means I don’t communicate my concerns to only ONE parent.

Op you sound awful. My mil fell out with my husband and never made any effort to stay in her grandsons life, she hasn't seen them both for a year now. I would love to have a mil like yours.

Op won't spend her own personal free time hosting a woman she doesn't care for. So. What.
The husband is entirely capable of indulging his mother's need for baby-time if that's what he wants. I expect he won't.
Op won't hand over a baby to a woman she has doubts over for unsupervised contact. Again, so what!? What happened to 'follow your gut' when kids safety is involved?

Now you really do sound like a control freak, OP. News flash: posters are free to post on any thread, including yours, as long as they stick to the Talk Guidelines.

Lizzie48 to be fair she was only telling Tokyo what Tokyo had told her, lol!

Maybe you should be letting your dh go to his dm solo if he's on holiday. If he's forgetting to feed DC because it's 'new to routine' then he should be made responsible for making sure it happens. It's the only way he will learn and adapt. When he eats baby eats, pretty simple. At least your mil would know baby needs solids...

Wow OP, you sound positively deranged.
What's your problem with the baby getting kissed on the lips? I would understand if we were just going through a particularly bad period of Black Death but last time I checked we are rather safe right now.
You talk about the baby like it's your possession and not a human being. Wow.

You sound nasty to your poor mil. Let the woman have time with her grandchild. In years to come you could regret closing your child off from family. You should want your child to have as many loving relationships within the family as he possibly can.

Point taken, Tokyo has been very goady in this thread.

Oh Lizzie! Tokyo doesn’t believe this thread is real. If so, shouldn’t she concentrate her efforts elsewhere?

Clandestino. You may like having people kiss your child on the lips. Not every person is the same. I think mil should keep her lips away from my sons.

Chocolateaddict. I do see mil 4 times per month. Although after reading some of the comments here, that feels a bit too generous. Once husband is done his leave and starts back to work he will be busy for the fall season which means we won’t have to see her as much. Thank god.

You can report her posts if you don't like them, MNHQ will then delete them. But it's her own time to waste, I suppose.

I’m sure you must have obligatory family engagements to attend to?

Nope. Glass of wine with a friend, if you must know.

Haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if I miss something. Fair enough if you don't like your mil, but for it to affect your child is unfair. He will see this and your are selfish in what you're doing and it will only bear negatively on you.

@Beingthere I have the thread (with mounting disgust) what is it you think I have missed? The lies about her mil 'moo'ing' at her when she realised the thread really want going her way?

My MIL and I aren't naturally best friends and often she can be verbally critical of me or say things that make me grind my teeth, but she's the love of my kids lives. My adult kids visit her constantly in between family get togethers and our 8 year old begs to see her more often. She is jealous that her big siblings had Grandma as their
childminder. Sadly when dd came along she was elderly and had health problems.
My mother loathed her mil with every fibre of her being, but my brother and I spent equal weekends with both Grannies in the holidays, and days with them when we were babies.

Children are not the mothers personal possession.
Children are not chess pieces to be played to make a point.
Children have as much biological relation to the paternal side of the family as to the maternal.
Children have a right to a private relationship with their grandparents.
Not everyone will or should treat your child in exactly the way you want them too.
How you feel about your in laws has nothing to do with how your child will feel about them unless they are truly unfit and were unfit parents to your husband.

Clandestino. You may like having people kiss your child on the lips. Not every person is the same. I think mil should keep her lips away from my sons.

That sounds like you don't want her kissing your DS at all, which would be extreme, and also very unfair. Obviously if your DS objects one day, that's very different.

Zeeboo. It’s so nice that alone time worked for your family. It doesn’t work for mine.