Mil keeps asking and asking

[Stormi12]

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

LoveInTokyo But it’s the MIL who is smothering and controlling!

Well I probably wouldn’t be as nasty to her as you obviously are, which would be a good start.

I also don’t think the mil is extended to her own son tbf. She is just not family family to the OP.

If DH has a best friend doesn’t mean that friend is automatically best friends with OP.

The OP is the mother of baby. The mil is mother of DH. She is no longer parenting DH as he is adult. And she isn’t either mother or parent of OP. So should befriend her and respect her boundaries and not push too much. And should accept that OP is the mother of the child and the parent and so , has an important role and so must be acknowledged as such.

The DH is also the parent of the baby and the father. Right now, he isn’t involved much in upbringing. But that doesn’t mean his mother became a second parent ... let alone her deciding to bypass the mother ..

Beingthere we are only getting one side of it and even the OP is saying “it’s my way or the high way” and telling us she can’t trust her husband to parent his own child without her supervision in case he lets his mother do things she wouldn’t let her do.

It’s classic control freakery.

Op you can certainly have an opinion on how your dh kisses his mum but I hope you keep your gob shut to him about it, because for you to complain to him about how he kisses his mum would be very controlling behavior.

I have been out for lunch today with my son and lovely Dil, thank God he didn't marry a dictator with a load of hangs and weird obsessions. All my sympathies to your MIl.

a vicious and unstable abuser

Er, good job this thread isn't a reading comprehension exercise. I think nil marks for you for garnering this from the OP's description of her mil's actions.

Oh now we get the “ well we’re only getting one side of it” cliche. Of course we are, unless MIL comes and joins us, it’s the OP’s thread!

Please please don’t start telling us that the OP is being one sided lol!

Tokyo sorry finding it hard to believe because if he was genuinely doing it out of kind heart and receiving insults and uncomfortable boundary pushing , you would have some sympathy for him.. and would hence have empathy to the OP... regardless of what advice you have for her.

You are coming from the position of absolute obligation. OP is obliged to feel like mil is family. Obliged to trust her with involvement in parenting ...

Have you heard of FOG? You sound like you are doing just that.

Sympathy with you husband

TBH the OP has wasted hours of her own time when she could have been enjoying her baby posting an AIBU thread when it’s clear that she is not prepared to even entertain the possibility that she is BU.

OP, if you’re not interested in opposing points of view (which you clearly aren’t), don’t ask for them. Or at least don’t strop off and start making up fantastical stories about your MIL mooing at you if people don’t unanimously agree with you.

I think you're completely in the right Stormi12. I expect people criticising you have 'normal' familial relationships and can't actually imagine the narcissistic, guilt-tripping, nonsense that people like your MIL deliver to their families.

She is being weird and atypical and disrespectful. Not dissimilar to my mother who I would never let look after my children on her own either. Absolutely not to be trusted and would push every boundary to it's absolute limit and then cross it and disappear into the horizon. And I could give a toss if people think I'm being 'selfish'. I know what I know.

You seem really clear-headed and rational to me. Good for you.

Kissing on the lips, taking them to see her friends? WTF! I thought you were going to say she'd keep the kid in it's car seat all day while she smoked over it and read the racing post.
Everything you describe is everything my MIL did with my 3 while providing excellent free childcare for 5 years!!
You sound precious, rude, and it must be so upsetting for your DH.

LoveInTokyo omg how controlling are you being! 😂

I was really sympathetic at first op, but your subsequent comments make me think you are acting like a princess. Eg

Yes to the PP. my mil struggles with knowing her place.

You really are a delight. Knowing her place??

As a grandmother myself, I agree that it's your baby, your rules, but if my daughter spoke about her MIL like that I'd go ballistic! You show zero respect, not just your MIL, but your husband too. I bet you were a bridezilla too
If you don't like being told a few home truths, don't post. Simples.
I

Tokyo and now you gaslight. Wonderful.

Your poor husband

Sorry, I've read more of your claptrap since I posted the first time.
Babies don't need baths for fun.
WHAT THE????? Just WHAT THE??? Why the hell not??? My younger son had up to 3 baths a day as he loved water play that much!! My MIL used to have mine bathed, Pj'd and fed all ready for me to come home. I can't believe she told you that she missed the caring side of having a baby and you think she's weird and you're cutting her off from her precious grandchild.
You really are coming over as a nasty piece of work.
Wanting to see ones grandchildren on a regular basis is NOT overstepping boundaries you utter loon.

I knew the OP would be called a liar! I predicted it ^^ up there! These threads always end up like that when the OP can’t be bullied.

zeeboo read the thread

Free childcare is worth a load of bullshit. I only wish my MIL had been like this. It's your right to decide what child care you want, but don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

mydog to be fair you sound like my very considerate mother who has never come across people like my mil.

Unfortunately for us , some dil feel absolutely disrespected by their mils and have tried over and over again and so it doesn’t sound so bad to us when we aren’t as respectful as we vent.

I used to think girls who spoke this ill of their mil are very mean and bitchy. Was always preaching to my friends married before me that they should see her as a mum.

So I get you.

But unfortunately to the OP, I resonate with her frustration

Glad your daughter doesn’t need to be this frustrated

Being there. No one is calling her a liar or bullying, but when the op says things like "because I said so" and " mil doesn't know her place" she sounds like a brat who doesn't deserve people being nice

Not all MILs are nice people.

mydogmymate Tokyo said she was lying.

There exact words were “making up fantastical stories about your MIL mooing at you”

That’s calling her a liar.

*Their