Mil keeps asking and asking

[Stormi12]

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

Yes to the PP. my mil struggles with knowing her place.

Her place in your “extended family” as opposed to your “family family”, yeah?

Have RTFT and all I can think to add is the old and probably cliched saying that “it takes a village”. Don’t be too quick to reduce your village, you never know when you might need them! My MIL was a little OTT with my firstborn but she soon mellowed and with each subsequent GC she has calmed right down. Myself and DH are our children’s parents, nothing will change that but I do recognise that regardless our respective in-laws have a part to play in the raising of our children and yes some things they do grate on me (excessive treats and disregard of routine) but you need to pick your battles and the benefits of the relationships they have far outweigh the negatives!

LoveInTokyo A MIL is extended family 🤔

OP’s family is her DH and Baby.

My DH calls me and DS his family and other relatives his extended family. “Leave and cleave” as he says, though he’s not religious, he agrees with that!

Missyb1. I am entitled to my opinion. And my opinion is that it is gross.

Tokyo. Yes her place as an extended family member with no say in how we run our household and care for our children.

Op you don't sound too nice either, what you have said about her, does not scream nightmare MIL or toxic. One day you might be one, would you like your DIL or SIL to have such contempt for you. What does your dh say about this? Does he have a say about his child?

Why do you not want your child alone with her, have you reason to believe she will be abuse, neglectful, toxic!

Were you never kissed as a child? By your granny?

Well my mother is a very difficult person but my husband makes an effort and treats her with respect and kindness because she is my mother and he loves me.

I’m so glad there isn’t anyone like you in my family (extended or otherwise).

Kissing on the lips spreads the cold sore virus, which is why people shouldn't do it really.

You come across as very controlling, and maybe insecure. MIL knowing her place! That says it all.

@needto yes but the village comes in when the child starts being less dependent on their mother so at the toddler stage. And the village must all respect the mother as the main person in her childs life.

missy I’m Afraid I also think kissing someone’s child on the lips agains the mother’s wishes is plain weird.

Tokyo yes to the Op she is extended family😂. But to the child she is family. Right now priority goes to protecting the bond child has with the mother and when the mil learns to respect that bond then a lot more can happen for her. Right now the mother has no obligation but courtesy. Sorry

No I am not a MIL, but a mum to two young children, so I am still in the mothering role. my mum is very difficult and at times quite toxic, but dh always makes her welcome, and respects her, despite her not liking him much, due to him loosing his temper 20 years ago when she called him fat and insulted his parents.

tokyo with all due respect you sound like you are guilt tripping your husband and making his feel obliged to act over the top in love with your mother if that’s how you speak to him.

Because as far as I’m concerned the OP hasn’t disrespected her mil (to her face) and is just airing out frustrations here

Aeroflotgirl That’s What my MIL said when we called her out for stealing from us. That one day my son will have contempt for me (because her son, DH) told her she was wrong.

I’m not a thief though!

OP wants MIL to stfu about taking her child. She has a right to feel that. I think this thread will have only strengthened her resolve with every bullying post and abusive name she’s been called!

It’s strengthened mine (MIL cut off by DH -and me) and I’m just a poster!

Tbh I don't thonk mil is 'extended family' to her own son. Parents are always immediate family. But that still doesn't give them rights over someone else's child!

The OP comes across like a controlling brat who wants everyone to jump when she says jump.

I wonder how she will take it when her actual child is old enough to recognise and rebel against this sort of behaviour.

And it will of course serve her right if he grows up and has “family family” of his own with a woman who decides she wants to keep her toxic and controlling MIL at arm’s length.

What goes around comes around.

ILoveHumanity

Well said

aeroflo perhaps after he lost his temper she learnt “her place” and stopped insulting him??

Perhaps the OP is struggling with just that ? Perhaps when her DH figures out a way to keep his mum away from mooing at his wife , perhaps then the OP wouldn’t be insecure ?

Also... who on earth said she didn’t welcome her? She just doesn’t want one on one dealings and that’s perfectly fine

tokyo with all due respect you sound like you are guilt tripping your husband and making his feel obliged to act over the top in love with your mother if that’s how you speak to him.

With all due respect, if you knew my husband you’d realise he does it because that’s the kind of person he is. He doesn’t need to be guilt tripped into behaving like a decent human being. If he did I wouldn’t have married him.

These threads always bring out the “ you’ll be sorry when your child does it to you” people! Is that all you got?

You know something? The child might grow up to not do that at all! Who knows? No one. So to use it as a bullying stick is rather silly 😂

Children who grow up with smothering, controlling parents usually do rebel against it.

Tokyo loves to guilt trip. She and my mil would get along well!