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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mil keeps asking and asking

892 replies

Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 07:07

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

OP posts:
buttercup54321 · 27/07/2018 20:05

You sound a delight. They raised your partner well enough to suit you. Of course they want to spend time with their grandchild. Does your partner realise how much you dislike his parents?

Original poster
Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 20:07

Powerless. She has rights? Lol. Yah I don’t think so.

Husband and I have decided that friends of ours will be the guardian of our child because I don’t want them raising him in the event something happens.

OP posts:
HollyGibney · 27/07/2018 20:08

Another thread in AIBU where OP refuses to accept when the majority feel she is.

It isn't a majority. It's a fairly even split. And even if it wasn't it's still ok for an OP to say "ok, well actually seeing as I am the one actually living this situation and experience I still think I am right and will trust my own judgment over a bunch of internet randoms".

SnuggyBuggy · 27/07/2018 20:09

FFS how is the OP preventing MIL from being a grandmother? She gets 4 visits a month, many grandparents don't get anything like that.

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 20:13

As I asaid, unless there is more that she has not told us, she is being unkind and unfair-she regularly leaves the baby with her own mother and refuses to let her mil look after him ever.For no apparant reason.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/07/2018 20:15

Blimey. Your hatred really does run deep OP.

SnuggyBuggy · 27/07/2018 20:16

It's not always about what's fair it doing what works for them as parents.

HollyGibney · 27/07/2018 20:18

For no apparant reason.

OP has given plenty of reasons. You just don't agree with them.

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 20:21

But sometimes the unfairness is outrageous. One grandmother sees her grandchild 4 times a month- the other 12 times. One gets to babysit frequently- the other never. Unless there is more to this than we know- that’s just wrong.

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 20:23

“OP has given plenty of reasons. You just don't agree with them.”

No she hadn’t. Unless the friends she wants to take the baby to visit smoke 60 a day and keep pit bulls.......

Original poster
Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 20:24

Bertrandrussell. One is trusted the other is not.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 27/07/2018 20:29

Life isn't fair. Mums and dads don't have an 'equal' relationship with the baby due to biology, people are more than likely going to be closer to their own mothers.

My babies grandparents would give anything for even a monthly visit to be possible. This woman is getting plenty of contact.

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 20:30

Sorry- if you’re not going to say more, then there really is no point in this thread. The things you have listed are really no reason not to trust her. So either there is loads more, or you are being unfair,. Simple as that.

SugarIsAmazing · 27/07/2018 20:32

I wouldn't joke about your MIL's saggy boobs if I were you; you're breastfeeding....so you're probably going to get a nice set of spaniels ears yourself Hmm

Singlenotsingle · 27/07/2018 20:32

Both sets of grandparents should be treated the same. The baby has PILs genes as well as the other parents' genes.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/07/2018 20:32

Life isn't fair. Mums and dads don't have an 'equal' relationship with the baby due to biology, people are more than likely going to be closer to their own mothers

You're saying mothers have more rights/say over their children then?

HollyGibney · 27/07/2018 20:34

The things you have listed are really no reason not to trust her. So either there is loads more, or you are being unfair,. Simple as that.

In your opinion. Opinion is not fact even though you keep stating yours as though it is. Many on here agree the OP has valid reasons for the choices she's making.

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 20:34

“Life isn't fair.”

Some of us do our best to make it a bit fairer though.

hottotrotsky · 27/07/2018 20:35

Bertrand you take the egalitarian's name in vain and have no right to declaim on who/why starts a thread. She's given ample evidence of her MIL's fuckwittery.

Get over yerself.

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 20:35

“Many on here agree the OP has valid reasons for the choices she's making.”

You must be psychic then.

Original poster
Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 20:35

Bertrandrussell.

And if she were to make mooing sounds at me and my child was old enough to understand - i should still let her be around us? Maybe you enjoy being disrespected to your face but I sure don’t!

I’ve given plenty of reason to keep her away. Her rude comments and sense of entitlement being the two worst infractions.

OP posts:
justcontemplatingsomething · 27/07/2018 20:40

Just say no if that's what you want, but obviously you can't expect to have a meaningful relationship with your own grandchildren in the future if you're not willing to build the same for your own children.

Bluelady · 27/07/2018 20:41

That's a bit bloody rich. Pot/kettle OP.

LeighaJ · 27/07/2018 20:43

@Stormi12

Mil keeps asking and asking
SnuggyBuggy · 27/07/2018 20:47

When the child is an infant then yes the mother should have more say. Obviously less so when older.

And these family situations can't always be 'fair'. It certainly isn't the mothers job to manage the fair sharing of her child to all his relatives.