Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Mil keeps asking and asking

892 replies

Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 07:07

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

OP posts:
givemecakee · 27/07/2018 18:49

You sound hard work!

Hadjab · 27/07/2018 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Powerless · 27/07/2018 19:03

@Stormi12 You have NO right to stop her taking her Grandchild out! You don't 'own' the child!

She has rights! And you have not mentioned any actual safeguarding issues so YABVVVVVVVU

heartsease68 · 27/07/2018 19:05

so she can be a hands-on and involved grandmother

But this doesn't have to mean baby care!!

Glaciferous · 27/07/2018 19:08

You have NO right to stop her taking her Grandchild out! You don't 'own' the child!

Of course she has a right! She's the child's parent! She can stop her child doing anything she feels it unsuitable for the child to do. Grandparents have no legal right to see grandchildren at all, let alone take them out without the parents present. And the OP isn't saying they can't see the child, she just doesn't currently think it would be OK for the young baby to go out alone with them.

Quite honestly, OP, I'd leave this thread well alone and do whatever you like, as you are completely entitled to do.

GreenTulips · 27/07/2018 19:11

You have NO right to stop her taking her Grandchild out!

Yes she does

LoveInTokyo · 27/07/2018 19:15

as you are completely entitled to do.

Grin
SnuggyBuggy · 27/07/2018 19:17

She is the childs mother FFS. She didn't have a baby for the sake of her MIL. The baby isn't a doll that should be shared out fairly between relatives.

LoveInTokyo · 27/07/2018 19:19

Or guarded jealously as though she is one person’s possession.

whylie · 27/07/2018 19:24

*Powerless;
*
Seriously?!..😳...😆...what planet are you on?.....

Sure your not OPs monster in law?..🤔...sounds like it!

Or your one of those "monster in laws" who have been put in their place?!...🤣🤣🤣

She doesn't own the child?...OKHmm
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍🤣

heartsease68 · 27/07/2018 19:25

You have NO right to stop her taking her Grandchild out!

Bollocks. A grandparent has no right to take their grandchild 'out' (i.e., away from the parent) without permission.

Grandparents don't have rights. The child does. The child has a right to know their grandparent. It's only the grandparent who is getting a buzz out of taking a pram down the street alone. The baby knows nothing about it.

heartsease68 · 27/07/2018 19:27

LoveInTokyo Babies like being guarded actually. They like being close to their primary carers. It's how they do best. Sorry if that doesn't fit in with your plans.

LoveInTokyo · 27/07/2018 19:30

“My plans”?

What do you think “my plans” are?

I just think the OP comes across like a three year old roaring “She’s MY DOLLY and I don’t want you to play with her!!!”

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 19:30

She has an absolute right to decide who spends time with her child. Unless there is more to the story than we are being told in this particular case she is being unkind and unfair, but she still has the right to do what she is doing

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/07/2018 19:31

A baby won't know who's pushing them down the street that's true but as they grow they definitely bond with their grandparents given the chance.

When there's a good relationship between everyone the DIL understands that it's important.

heartsease68 · 27/07/2018 19:43

But unkind and unfair...she is taking this child to the child's grandparent once a week! That's a huge time commitment. She could be doing it once a fortnight and still be being kind. And if unkind and unfair means not being prepared to leave your baby with someone you don't trust to follow your directions...I don't blame her. How many threads are there on here saying 'Mum/MIL is feeding my baby unweaned baby ice cream/won't strap her in/etc etc etc. While those things might be ok, they might not be and could cause the child discomfort and harm (as my own DM repeatedly demonstrated when she lovingly stuffed my son with chocolate and condemned him to evenings of colic.)

Her responsibility to be kind and fair is more to herself and her child than her MIL, provided she's providing regular access.

SnuggyBuggy · 27/07/2018 19:44

The baby and the mother are a unit. MIL has had her chance to be a mother.

Maybe she should get a dog.

Glaciferous · 27/07/2018 19:44

Stormi12 says they visit the grandparents around 4 times a month. That sounds like plenty of time for them to develop a good relationship to me! My DD only saw my parents about three times a year when she was little (distance issues) and she has an excellent relationship with them. She saw PILs about once a month (smaller distance but still hours away) and thinks they are nice but odd. That's because they ARE nice but odd.

hottotrotsky · 27/07/2018 19:46

Unbelievable bollox on here. She's the baby's mother and SHE decides. End of.

Get over yourselves weirdos who believe a grandparent is on a par with an actual parent..

I can't wait til my DS meets a lovely lady with whom he wishes to procreate at which point I can BACK OFF and leave them to it. I've done the parenting thing. Women who still need to control other people's babies must have seriously fucked up first time around. My DD, however, is a different matter entirely.Wink

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/07/2018 19:53

My DD, however, is a different matter entirely.wink

What does that mean?

21stCenturyMrsBennett · 27/07/2018 19:54

MIL has had her chance to be a mother

But not, it seems, to be a grandmother.

SharronNeedles · 27/07/2018 19:55

Do you love your baby? Do you kiss him? Is he your absolute world? Well guess what, you married her baby. However you feel about your DS she feels about your husband. And your baby is her baby's baby. Like it or not. She will of course see your DS as an extension of her as that's exactly what he is.
I could never prevent my MIL from having s relationship with my son unless she was a genuine risk to him. Imagine something happens to you and your husband? Even if your DM gets custody, wouldn't you want your child to know that he has real tangible links to her dad as well as you? Someone who can tell him all about his dad and how he was 'back when he was your age'? I know that's morbid but it's where my mind goes to. I want my child to be loved, healthy and happy first and foremost. My MIL pisses me off loads but she makes my son happy and loves him unconditionally so that's all I could ever ask.

hottotrotsky · 27/07/2018 19:58

Great it means in a semi jokingly way that I'd probably feel more able to help my DD in her mothering seeing as I'm, you know, her mother.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/07/2018 20:00

Oh right. But this MIL can't "do more" even though it's her son? How is it different?

BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 20:01

"The baby and the mother are a unit. MIL has had her chance to be a mother."
Well, actually, it seems that the baby, his mother and her mother are a unit......