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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Mil keeps asking and asking

892 replies

Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 07:07

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 27/07/2018 18:07

So what does she say tbat’s Insulting? Give an example.

Original poster
Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 18:08

She has Moo’d at me before when I took baby to feed.

I guess I should have oinked back at her for being a pig?

OP posts:
HattieAndHerBoy · 27/07/2018 18:10

I think this thread is in danger of blowing up and for that reason Im no longer wary of saying I think its a load of made up nonsense and that Ive reported it.

HattieAndHerBoy · 27/07/2018 18:10

I guess I should have oinked back at her for being a pig?

What if she was an arse?

LoveInTokyo · 27/07/2018 18:11

*She has Moo’d at me before when I took baby to feed.

I guess I should have oinked back at her for being a pig?*

Grin

I think you’re winding us up.

But if you’re not, did you ask her why she was mooing at you? Have you asked her to stop? Or do you go straight from “moo” to “you can’t see MY baby” without passing go and without collecting £200?

You sound extremely childish.

Moussemoose · 27/07/2018 18:12

'Because I said so' and you are the only parent.......?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/07/2018 18:13

Moo'd at you? Is that the best you can do?

Original poster
Stormi12 · 27/07/2018 18:14

Moose. Husband is at work. And I certainly am not dropping my child off.

OP posts:
missyB1 · 27/07/2018 18:15

I'm finding the OP to be quite the little dictator, in fact its quite chilling.
"She can't have him alone because I said so"
Yeah God forbid your partner should get to have an opinion eh? Mind you I bet he wouldn't dare express it! Im feeling sorry for the partner, bet he has to toe the line!

Seriously OP grow up, this isn't how happy families conduct themselves. And actually it isn't how successful relationships between parents work either.

crispysausagerolls · 27/07/2018 18:15

I really don’t understand this at all. If she makes rude comments to you, address them with her directly. If you let her have DC and she kisses them on the mouth, you address it with her directly. You don’t just immediately ban her from alone time with them based on a couple of poor taste comments and her enthusiasm?! I really don’t see how her enthusiasm is “entitlement” either - just sounds like an excited granny, and you sound very ungrateful and possessive of your baby. I say this as the mother of a 3 week old PFB. What about your DH? Doesn’t he get a say?

VillageFete · 27/07/2018 18:17

I guarantee, 100%, if your future DIL stops you from having time with your Grandkids it will hurt you, immensely.

I truly don’t see the harm in her taking him for a stroll. I understand the childcare issue, but am baffled by the fact she can’t take him for a walk.

LoveInTokyo · 27/07/2018 18:18

you sound very ungrateful and possessive of your baby

This.

The baby is a person that you are in charge of raising to adulthood, not a dolly that you don’t want anyone else to play with because she’s YOURS.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 27/07/2018 18:19

She didn't buy the OP presents - she bought equipment for her own house, so she can play mummy to the OP's baby!

If mil said that the baby only wants the IP because she is food, I'm not surprised the OP hates her. Way to go grandma, minimising the importance of the parental bond, just so she can feel more important than dhe actually is.

Also, seeing her once a week is not denying her a relationship with her grandchild.
The OP has every right to want to see her own mother more - no one owes an IL a totally equal amount of time and attention that they give to their own mum. OP is a person in her own right - she doesn't exist just to facilitate Mil's access to the baby!

RoboJesus · 27/07/2018 18:21

Your mil sounds lovely. Giving your child a kiss, a bath and taking him out are things all grandparents do because they love their grandchildren...

LoveInTokyo · 27/07/2018 18:21

OP is a person in her own right

So is the baby, but the OP is talking as though she is a possession.

Seniorschoolmum · 27/07/2018 18:21

Op, I’m with you on this. A MIL who bought a stroller, crib and high chair without being asked, and then kept pushing would make me feel very uncomfortable.
Doesn’t she have a life of her own? In my family, we offer to do a bit of babysitting and wait to be asked. It’s much more relaxed and no-one gets upset.

Different family norms I suppose.

chillpizza · 27/07/2018 18:26

Well as the full time care giver to the baby yes it is pretty much if op says no it’s no. Unless you honestly think the Dad is going to come home from work, take the baby and just give him to mil just because she wants the baby.

She’s a Grandparent she has no rights, she sees the child once a week. Hardy stopping her being a grandparent or stopping a relationship forming.

If you birthed or created the child then yes you get an opinion but if you didn’t it’s not up to you where the child is and what you get to do with them. I’m sure the mil didn’t give into everything her mil wanted and if she did she had no backbone.

ElevenSmiles · 27/07/2018 18:29

Don't think OP is going to change let's hope DH grows a pair and stands up for his family.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 27/07/2018 18:31

Baby doesn't give a shit if it sees mil at this point. All he wants is his parents. Baby might well want to see mil later on, which is presumably why the OP visits once a week, so the relationship forms.
Like I said upthread, my ILs never had my kids by thrmselves - my dc still loved them and they had a good relationship.

crispysausagerolls · 27/07/2018 18:34

so she can play mummy to the OP's baby!

...or so she can be a hands-on and involved grandmother? 🙄

bluemoonchances · 27/07/2018 18:37

Another thread in AIBU where OP refuses to accept when the majority feel she is.

I feel very sorry for the MIL. Why have you even bothered asking when you have no intention of thinking of anyone other than yourself and already believe you're NBU?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 27/07/2018 18:38

She doesnt need to be a hamds on, involved grandmother. Baby is 6 months - he just needs hands on, involved parents.
Buying a shit ton of baby equipment without checking that the parents actually want you to look after the baby and constantly badgering to have him without the parents present, is weird.

Seasawride · 27/07/2018 18:40

God yawn!!!

Queenofselfdoubt · 27/07/2018 18:41

I have a MIL like this. She is trying to wear you guys down and I think she will work on your DH more so because she may feel she can crack him. Stay strong. You don’t have to explain why you dislike them. Just say thank you, that’s so nice of you to ask but this is our decision. If she comes back to you, sit her down and tell her how irritating this request is. Be firm but stay respectful.

PennyDreadfull · 27/07/2018 18:46

YABU