Mil keeps asking and asking

[Stormi12]

Mil has recently been begging to provide full time child care when I go back to work and even suggested she and fil take my 6 month old out by themselves. I do not like them. I do not want them around my child. Why on earth they think I’d let them take the baby out is beyond me.

Aibu to keep visits as a family as opposed to providing alone time?

In what ways is she overbearing and intrusive? Have you spoke to her about these issues?

As the baby gets older and more independent Dad taking them to the grandparents will be more of an option.

Fair enough. Can't see the point of you posting the thread, though. Except to get loads of "yes, you're right, hun"s-because you haven't given enough information for a more measured response.

I think obviously if you don’t want her to have DC for childcare that’s reasonable, and no one is making you. Plus it does blur the line a bit and everyone here is always saying if grandparents give free childcare they should have carte Blanche to do whatever they like.

HOWEVER you are being very mean and with little reason! If they don’t do childcare then please let them at least have visits and other things like that - they sound completely doting and interested and involved, and you haven’t given any reason why they shouldn’t be allowed frequent visits etc.

1. She uses guilt to manipulate

1. I don’t want anyone kissing my baby on the lips.

1. She asks me for a response. I give an answer and then she asks my husband. That is extremely disrespectful.

1. She makes inappropriate comments (ex about breastfeeding saying all I am is food or baby wants me because I’m food)

1. She feels a sense of entitlement to my child (assuming she’d be child care, getting baby items when we said while pregnant there was no need)

If you hadn't massively drip fed then you prolly would have received more helpful advice and a bit of sympathy even.

Have you talked to her about these issues OP?

I think that the more people who love my DC the better for them. I had my own way of doing things and they spent most of their time with me so that was the usual pattern iyswim. DH, DSil , DSis ,all 4 GPs and their nanny all loved them and did things slightly differently . I am not arrogant enough to think that I am always right or that the DC would come to any harm at all from a bit of variance. In fact, of course, I learned lots about childcare from all these people. Of course there were occasional irritations but I could swallow them for the sake of the children.
I can remember going to my Nana's when I was little and staying up late, or having sweets between meals when with the babysitter when my mother was at work. These were positive experiences and I hope my own DC have similar good memories from their time away from me.

It's OK to say you don't like her, OP. You don't have to keep repeating the same nebulous excuses. We get it. You just don't like her.

Mine was similar, I absolutely don't hate her, but I didn't want her to do full time childcare (she's a pathological feeder). I said no thank you but please can I keep you in reserve for when DS gets sick? This happened to me & will happen to you. Your baby will get the sniffles or a tummy bug and you'll be scrambling to organise days off or find someone to mind them.

Never say never. Working FT with a baby is tough. They start crèche or nursery & they get every bug going! If you use a minder the minder might get sick or need days off. Just palm MIL off & keep quiet.

Honestly this compulsion to be brutally honest all the time just causes so much trouble. Be vague & present the truth in a palatable way. You can tell people stuff without being brash & hurtful!

Mumsnet approach: 'no MIL I will never let you mind my child because you are vile' Result? Lots of hurt feelings & a terminally damaged relationship

Real life approach: 'Oh MIL I couldn't possibly ask you to do that, it's too much! But please can I call you if I'm stuck? You know how babies are' Result: Feathers smoothed, she has a line to feed her pals & gets to keep her codependent identity. You have a fall-back if you're really stuck. Win-win

Yes to feb ...I was struggling to find a way to express that sentiment. We all here would agree that women should be seen as more than baby carriers but when it comes to gps feelings apparently that's all we still are. Why would gps want to see baby on its own when they could also see the whole family. Why does everyone now have an opinion on how I parent, even where I'm allowed to move to atm. I have gone through times in my life where I've barely seen my parents as we were all too busy and they never minded but now they want to see me all the time!

BertrandRussell - I don't see how anyone can have a strong opinion. We have no information.

That rarely gets in the way of a good long MN thread

She feels a sense of entitlement to my child (assuming she’d be child care, getting baby items when we said while pregnant there was no need)

Thats called being a grandmother. She bought you presents and you hate her for it......you're cold, dude.

Some of the reasons you have stated are absolutely ridiculous. I understand the whole “your child, your rules” thing, but I think you are being incredibly mean. Can’t you compromise a little? What’s wrong with MIL taking the baby for a 30 minute stroll? Seriously, why can’t she??

Thats called being a grandmother. She bought you presents and you hate her for it......you're cold, dude.

This.

Also the whole “MY CHILD” thing. Well yes she is “your child”. And also the MIL’s grandchild.

But - more importantly - an individual person with a right to enjoy as many loving family relationships as possible without being deprived of a close relationship with one set of grandparents simply because the OP doesn’t like them.

21stCenturyMrsBennett how on earth did you read point 5 without reading the fully inexcusable point 4? You MIL-defenders don't even try to look like you're actually weighing things up fairly any more.

Well I assume that as she is clearly twisting and being nasty about perfectly normal things, that she is also exaggerating and misreading other things as well. Stands to reason.
She simply doesn't like the woman and is trying to present enough reason to make it seem justified.

I am quite sceptical about 4, tbh. Sounds like an ill-advised joke that was taken the wrong way or a deliberate misrepresentation by the OP. Not grounds for excommunication.

My dm fed my kids too many sweets and let them watch too much telly.

It was annoying. Annoying does not mean you cut contact. They gained far more in terms of love and comfort.

Basically, you don't get exactly what you want, exactly the way you want it so you want nothing to do with the woman.

Good luck when your dc start school.

Villagefete. She can’t have him alone because I said so. She can visit with us as a family if she wishes.

So every time she insults me I should just tell her her face has more wrinkles than a crumpled paper? Or maybe she should get a boob job to fix her sag? Why is it that she can insult me but If I say anything back it’s rude?

You haven't mentioned any personal insults.

Or you could be a grown up and if she “insults” you you could either decide to let it go gracefully because it’s something that doesn’t really matter, or politely tell her that you found her comment very rude and ask her not to say that to you again.

What has she said about your appearance that's insulting OP? Sorry if I've missed it.

Blue lady. Read #4 and also in a previous post I said inappropriate comments. If I get into them they will be too identifying.