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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ear piercing - who's right?

158 replies

Fiirefly · 26/07/2018 19:45

Posting in AIBU for traffic. My daughter is 7 and has been asking for a long time now to get her ears pierced. I have no issue with this, I was younger than her when I had mine done. If she was going to get them done it would be at the start of the six weeks holidays (whether it's this year or any other year) to give them chance to heal so for PE at school she'd be able to take them out. I understand (rightly or wrongly) you shouldn't take them out in the first six weeks as it's not properly healed yet.

Her dad, my ex husband, hates the idea and doesn't want her to get them pierced.

Would it be fair of me to take her to get them done if he's so against it?

Happy to hear I'm unreasonable if that's the case. I just don't know what the right course of action is.

OP posts:
fourplusonemore · 26/07/2018 19:48

Yes, it's fair. She's seven. She's old enough to express her preferences, you have no qualms about it and it's HER body so you should respect her choices.

As long as she's old enough to take a lot of the responsibility for cleaning them and not twisting or touching them, it should be up to her.

NapQueen · 26/07/2018 19:48

I would ask what age he has in mind and try and come to an agreed age which meets somewhere in the middle.

If he refuses to compromise then just take her when you want.

Id hate it uf dh took dd to get hers done without prior conversation.

Original poster
Fiirefly · 26/07/2018 19:50

I just about to drive home (bloody swimming lessons!) but I'll respond to everyone when I'm back. Thank you :)

OP posts:
ToastyFingers · 26/07/2018 19:51

I think it depends on if it's an arbitrary no, or if he thinks there's an age at which it becomes appropriate.

To be honest, I think at 7 it should be her choice.

greenlavender · 26/07/2018 19:55

I think 7 is too young personally so if I were her Dad I'd be the same.

VeraViolet · 26/07/2018 19:56

I would wait. She's still little, and I'm presuming he has parental responsibility.

I would agree an age with him when she can get it done - maybe 10/11 - and then make him stick to that.

VeryHangryCaterpillar · 26/07/2018 19:57

A 7 year old isn’t old enough to take responsibility for a caring for a new piercing and it looks horrendously chavvy on children.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 26/07/2018 19:58

I would try and agree an age with him, if you go against his wishes you will have no course to complain when he does the same.

Seven is very young and she won't understand the long term implications at that age.

KindergartenKop · 26/07/2018 19:58

7 is too young for it to be her choice. I'd suggest between primary and secondary school, so 11.

Would you be pissed off with ex H if he allowed her to shave her head or pierce her bellybutton when you'd said no?

SilverHairedCat · 26/07/2018 19:59

7 is too young to be the one for her to make the decision to override her dad IMO.

What if he sent her home with her hair in a pixie crop you hated, but she wanted (for example)? Would you be furious then?

ClearlyNotAFish · 26/07/2018 20:01

I would say 7 is too young to do something permanent like that without the other parent's consent and you do need to ask him when he would think it's ok.
I've told DD she can have hers done when she has finished primary.

OpheliaLeghorn · 26/07/2018 20:02

^^ As Veryhangry says, in spades.

Mousefunky · 26/07/2018 20:02

Seven is too young and I think both parents should agree on something like that personally.

Lilacwine1 · 26/07/2018 20:03

Let her Father explain to her he would rather she waited until she was older, and make sure it's face to face and not over the phone...... Let him be on the receiving end of the ensuing tantrum.

Fifthtimelucky · 26/07/2018 20:04

I think she is much too young too. I hate seeing children with earrings. I'd say 13.

Reaa · 26/07/2018 20:04

If she was a teen, I would of said go against him but at 7 I think it's fair to wait.

As a side note, Claire's now do a 3 week healing time for ear piercing if you pay a bit extra for a different cleaning lotion.

Smidge001 · 26/07/2018 20:07

I definitely think this is something both parents need to agree on. You would be being massively unreasonable to do this without his consent. She is still very young.
Personally I hate the look of earrings on young children. But that's not your question.

Agree with others that you should have a discussion with her dad about when he thinks it would be OK. My parents said I had to be 15! By the time I was 15 I decided I didn't want to do it Grin.

BlueBug45 · 26/07/2018 20:07

I had mine done when I was a baby so I had no choice. However I had friends', including boys, who asked from age 5 to get their ears pierced. The ones who weren't allowed to do it until secondary school just went on and on and on about it.

In short if she is older enough to ask for it she is old enough to get it done.

Original poster
Fiirefly · 26/07/2018 20:08

I suppose it would depend on how much I felt like those things were her choice or if they were forced on her. (To the head shaving/belly piercing comment). I think legally you can't get your belly button pierced until 13 so that's slightly different anyway.

But these kind of responses are exactly why I'm asking. He doesn't have a huge amount to do with her, through his own choice, so I wanted outside opinions on whether I'm being fair or not.

I appreciate some people don't like seeing kids with their ears pierced. Personal preference. I don't like it on babies/toddlers, but have no preference once they're a bit older.

A lot of her friends at school have had them pierced in the last year or so, which is why I think she's been asking a lot.

Also wouldn't know how to say to her "no you can't have them done, dad says no." Without seeming like I'm bad mouthing him in front of her, that's not what I want. He's a royal twat most of the time, but as far as she's concerned 'Mum and Dad are friends.'

OP posts:
Original poster
Fiirefly · 26/07/2018 20:08

To the other posters questions, he's of the opinion that he won't be letting it happen until she's 16.

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 26/07/2018 20:09

Also, when she does have them done, please don't take her to Claires or have them done with a gun! Go to a reputable piercing studio and have them done with a needle.

Much better for multiple reasons.

fourplusonemore · 26/07/2018 20:10

I agree with @SilverHairedCat on the above.

16 and doesn't have much to do with her? Jog on.

Original poster
Fiirefly · 26/07/2018 20:11

Agree with you SilverHairedCat about Claire's. I've had a few piercings as a teenager and always went to somewhere that didn't use a gun. It can shatter the cartilage if I remember rightly.

OP posts:
Reaa · 26/07/2018 20:11

Has he tried asking him herself?

She can say mum said I had to ask you.

So when he says no, she will know it was him without you having to say dad said no.

KC225 · 26/07/2018 20:12

7 is too young to make a decision. How woukd you feel if your exDH did something you were against.

My 11 year old DD wants hers done. I was allowed mine to be pierced on my 13th birthday and I was allowed to chose some gold earrings for when they healed. My daughter has been told it will be the same gir her - when she can look after them properly.

Agree on an appropriate age with your DH choose your battles OP.

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