Ear piercing - who's right?

[Fiirefly]

Posting in AIBU for traffic. My daughter is 7 and has been asking for a long time now to get her ears pierced. I have no issue with this, I was younger than her when I had mine done. If she was going to get them done it would be at the start of the six weeks holidays (whether it's this year or any other year) to give them chance to heal so for PE at school she'd be able to take them out. I understand (rightly or wrongly) you shouldn't take them out in the first six weeks as it's not properly healed yet.

Her dad, my ex husband, hates the idea and doesn't want her to get them pierced.

Would it be fair of me to take her to get them done if he's so against it?

Happy to hear I'm unreasonable if that's the case. I just don't know what the right course of action is.

I think she’s old enough to decide , the problem is having asked her fathers permission it’s going to cause issues if you ignore him now you don’t like the answer.

Why is he saying 16? That’s really quite old for a single ear piercing in my opinion ..... if I were in your position with my ex I’d be going into negotiation to get the agree age down

Good luck

To those saying at 7 a child can decide for themselves, I can only assume you are deluded. Or perhaps you’re right, maybe I should buy my son his own rifle, let him have a tattoo and just eat pizza all day long 🤔

Thanks @Pingipinguin definitely not trying to score points, I want a drama free life at this rate haha.

I was 8 when I had my ears pierced and if my daughter asked at 7 I would let her.

Ignore the chavvy comments. I've just finished working in a year 4 class in a 'naice' area and most of the girls in the class had had their ears pierced by age 8/9.

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn happily. She's always asking to see more of her dad. I've even said it was properly 50/50 he wouldn't need to pay maintenance as an incentive. He's got a new girlfriend so his excuse is "I'd never see my girlfriend" or "if she lived with me/had joint custody I wouldn't get any time for myself." He's gotten so used to the responsibility-free life that I think he feels as long as he makes the occasional appearance that he's doing his bit.

The piercing shop near me won't pierce ears under 8 years old as that is when the owner feels that dc are old enough to understand the pain and look after them. I would wait a bit longer but not 16. Why did it even come up in conversation with your ex if he is so uninvolved?

My ds is 7 and got his ear pierced the other day...he is doing a fab job of looking after the piercing...haven't thought twice what my ex will think...it was ds's choice not mine

I think the summer between year 6 and year 7 would be good for a compromise!
It'd be nice for her having a 'grown up' treat before starting secondary school!
Good luck OP- you sound very fair and it's obvious you care so much about your DD! I hope your ex can meet you guys in the middle somewhere because you've been incredibly understanding

My DM just said an out and out no! I was not allowed to get them done. So one lunch time when I was 21 (21 ffs) one of my friends said she was going to pop up to a place where one of our friends worked and get a second one done on her ears. I said ooh I'll come with you and get mine done. She was really surprised but we went and both did the deed. I was still living with my DM at the time and I'd barely walked through the door and she said with the most disappointment in her voice 'Oh you've had your ears pierced' and looked ridiculously sad. To give her her due she bought me some beautiful earrings for Christmas that year and I've had some lovely antique ones bought for me since.

16 in this day and age is frankly ridiculous, the summer between primary and secondary is the most obvious but I do think you should point out to him how much she will resent him if he persists.

I remember being in A&E and seeing a six year old screaming in pain with massively swollen and pus filled earlobes as she had repeatedly touched newly pierced ears with dirty fingers. She had to be sedated in oder to get them out.
So I think 7 is too young.
The summer between primary and secondary is a good compromise.

@LemonBreeland we split up a couple of years ago and he'd always had a very strong opinion of it. The first time she asked properly (about 6 months ago) I spoke to him and he was adamant it was still a 'no.'

Thanks @Pingipinguin my parents split up when I was a teenager and I went off the rails a bit. I'm just trying to keep our break up/parenting as amicable as possible so the same doesn't happen.

She's old enough to express her preferences, you have no qualms about it and it's HER body so you should respect her choices.

That's ridiculous. Why are you using an argument for an adult woman to get a needed abortion about a seven year old who wants to poke holes in her head permanently because they look cool?

Would you let her get a tattoo to? It's her body!

Parenting. Try it sometime.

Op Generally when two parents are arguing over this sort of thing I think the NO gets the final vote. Your daughter can still get her ears pierced later, she won't look back one day and be gutted she didn't have pierced ears at 7.

Ah okay. It just seemed odd that you discuss anything much with him really when he is not very involved.

Don't bother with Claire's 3 week healing stuff. It's nothing more than a watered down bleach. And it's rare that piercings heal in 3 weeks anyway, lotion or no lotion.

Best to get a proper piercer, and follow their guidance, I've used a salt solution to clean mine.

I let my DD have her ears pierced at 10, once she assured me she'd take care of them, and she did.

@ war pigeon A tattoo is completely permanent and needs a very painful procedure to have it removed, a rifle is ridiculous - it kills people, ear piercings don't hurt very much, yes they need a little looking after initially but essentially its two tiny holes that soon heal up if you change your mind.

16 is excessive - I'd let her at 10 or 11, as a compromise.

I'm definitely not against waiting until the summer before secondary school. He still wouldn't agree to that, so at that point do I just say 'fuck it, she's older now and you don't get a say?'

Thats 3 or 4 years away OP. Lots could change in that time. Not even worth thinking about til then.

@LemonBreeland probably does seem weird! Guess I'm just trying to keep him in the loop and get him to be a bit more involved rather than just making these decisions without him

My 7 year old wants hers done but I can’t fond any needle piercers prepared to do it on an under 10. :(

Would you let her get a tattoo to? It's her body!

Piercings are not permanent, usually, you can let them heal up.

Tattoos, however, are. So there's a good reason for a law that under 18s can't get tattoos.

ear piercings don't hurt very much, yes they need a little looking after initially but essentially its two tiny holes that soon heal up if you change your mind.

Mine gave me a permanent and severe nickel allergy and my wedding ring saw me hospitalised as a result.

@IDontEatFriedTurtle agreed in some respects. She's 7 so I can't go with the whole 'her body her choice' reasoning. But equally an ear piercing can be taken out if she wanted to. A tattoo can't.
I'm not saying she can have them pierced, I genuinely came on for advice because I feel a bit stuck in the middle. I'm ambivalent towards ear piercings but I know my ex isn't. If she gets to 11/12 years old and he still won't budge does it become more reasonable to let her get them done anyway? Is it just that she's only 7 or is it because I don't have his blessing?