Ear piercing - who's right?

[Fiirefly]

Posting in AIBU for traffic. My daughter is 7 and has been asking for a long time now to get her ears pierced. I have no issue with this, I was younger than her when I had mine done. If she was going to get them done it would be at the start of the six weeks holidays (whether it's this year or any other year) to give them chance to heal so for PE at school she'd be able to take them out. I understand (rightly or wrongly) you shouldn't take them out in the first six weeks as it's not properly healed yet.

Her dad, my ex husband, hates the idea and doesn't want her to get them pierced.

Would it be fair of me to take her to get them done if he's so against it?

Happy to hear I'm unreasonable if that's the case. I just don't know what the right course of action is.

DD is quite happy with that we've discussed it all with her. I let her wear clip on earrings and magnetic earrings just now. I also let her take me earrings out and put them in again when we play "getting ready for a party" together. Seems to keep her happy.

Normally i think this is something both parents need to agree on but clearly he's shirking most of his parental responsibilities. I wouldn't go and get them done yet but encourage her and him to talk about how much she wants them done.
If she's still keen when she gets to high school and he still says no then at that point I'd probably let her.

I am 33 and had my ears pierced at the beginning of April this year by the needle and not gun method. I religiously did the aftercare routine and mine have only just healed enough to change earnings. I was advised by my piercer that the six weeks healing time is rubbish and it’s more 12 weeks plus and that has also been my experience. With regards to her age, I personally think seven is too young.

My dds had theirs done between year 1 and year 2, both had asked for it.

A lot of their friends were told to wait until end of year 6.

It was actually better for them in a lot of ways because they accepted I had to help clean and asked me if it was getting stuck, so any infection cleared up fairly quickly. I know of three friends who ended up at the doctors with the earring infected badly because they didn't ask for help because they thought they were too old, then didn't want the earring taken out and losing the hole. By the time they admitted/parent noticed it was too far gone.

out of interest, do you disagree with ear piercing for all children, regardless of age? You just come across as very anti-piercing

I imagine I do, since I am. Until they can decide, organise and pay for it themselves, leave their bodies alone. You wouldn;t tatoo them or pierce their tongues, nipples or eyebrows, so why ears? It's not ok. I see it as pretty basic parenting actually: don't shoot sharp metal through your kids flesh to make holes to hang jewellry on. Not exactly contraversial is it?

Amongst my peer group the general rule is finishing y6 treat. Dd had hers done then and it was perfect timing as she looked after them well and didn't have to bugger about in pe.

As a teacher I would be delighted if children didn't have their ears pierced before they could manage them independently. Parents pissed off over 5 yr olds taping their own earrings is quite exhausting when I've got 30 kids to supervise changing.

@JustlikeDevon the school could just have a no jewellery policy, both my primary and secondary did

I told my dd that she needed to wait until she was 16. dh was much more relaxed and would have taken her to be pierced when she was 10 or so but as I got an infection when I had my ears pierced and even 30 years later they have never really healed (still regularly get painful and puss filled even though I never wear earings) I was much less keen.

dd was a bit annoyed about having to wait but accepted it, and in the end I relented a bit and she got them pierced when she was 12, as a treat when she had her first period. Unfortunately she also got an infection, but hers completely healed up. The plus point was that I found lots of cool earrings for unpierced ears that we both can wear.

We did both have them done with guns, maybe somewhere with a skilled person with a needle would have been better.

Your daughter will be old enough to have her ears pierced when she is capable of remembering to clean them every day, and doing it unprompted (even when she's with her dad). Before then it's a bad idea. The summer before she starts secondary school sounds reasonable, but you know your daughter and will know when she's grown-up enough to take responsibility for a piercing.

I love this idea that we have lost the power to say no to our children!

As a primary teacher I find earrings a royal pain in the arse. I would definitely get my DC to wait until secondary, which is what I was expected to do.

I bagged my mum for years but she stuck to her guns and it didn’t do me any harm to wait.

Utter nonsense to say if she’s old enough to ask she’s old enough to have them done - what an utterly illlogical argument!

I think the age for needle piercing varies around the country. My local council only allows piercing studios to use a needle on children over 12. I was going to let DD have hers done last week (summer holidays between primary and secondary school) but she'll have to wait.

I said 11 which is the end of primary here. And once I'd set an age no one nagged me about it again. I was not looking for an extra thing to look after. Also both my girls took far longer than 6 weeks to full heal.

I will be waiting until my girls are older but mostly because I had mine done at 8 an it went wrong!
They loaded the gun wrong so the ball hit my lobe first. Accused me of making a fuss then pierced it anyway as the other one was already done. It never healed right and continually closed up. I've had it re-peirced multiple times and now given up on the whole thing...

Broomstick - I think that's right - I wanted to find somewhere who would pierce my 8 year old's ears (she's been asking for a long time, I think she's the right age now) and no-one apart from Claire's would do it, who I wouldn't touch with a bargepole because they use piercing guns rather than needles. They said it was licensing. We border another local authority and I did some research there - they have different rules and I've found an experienced piercer who would be happy to do it.

I also agree 11, I think at 11 there will be more than just ear piercings that she will start telling him she wants and won't take no for an answer. God help him when she reaches 13.

I do think 7 is too young.

I really don't see the big deal with ear piercing. My 6 year old just got hers done and they are fine. We had it done at claires and she didn't cry, she watched a YouTube video of jojo getting her ear pierced beforehand so she knew what to expect. No infections. She knows not to fiddle/touch with and we clean them twice a day. I think 7 is old enough to get it done.
If I was you I would just text him giving him one last chance to compromise on an age and say let her get it done between 8-11. If he won't budge then I would just go ahead with the ear piercing or give notice that it will happen next summer.
Making her wait until 16 seems really silly for a plain ear piercing, especially when they can get belly and other piercings younger than 16

Personally I think it’s too young and would say yr6 is appropriate.

Ear lobes don’t have cartilage in them btw so not the same issues as having a piercing elsewhere that could cause damage.

I'm with dad here.
Honestly I think his opinion trumps all here. She can wait

Until they can decide, organise and pay for it themselves, leave their bodies alone. You wouldn;t tatoo them or pierce their tongues, nipples or eyebrows, so why ears? It's not ok. I see it as pretty basic parenting actually: don't shoot sharp metal through your kids flesh to make holes to hang jewellry on. Not exactly contraversial is it?

Agree totally.

I appreciate everyone's opinions.

I terms of the two people saying it isn't exactly controversial, I'd disagree, evidenced by this thread. Some people are against piercings, others have a minimum age, others don't see an issue with it at any age. Sounds quite controversial to me.

Only here for opinions, I'm not saying I'll let her get them pierced, equally not saying I'd be happy waiting until she's 16 if she still wants them done in the mean time.

You wouldn;t tatoo them or pierce their tongues, nipples or eyebrows, so why ears?

I don’t get these comparisons that are often trotted out on piercing threads.

There really is no comparison - hence why tongue piercings, genital piercings and tattoos are age limited and lobe piercings are not.

Just leave it. It's not the end of the world if she doesn't have them done. Get her some clip on ones or gems to play with for now.

Why don't you get the comparison? Can you explain to us how piercing your kids ear is any different to piercing another bit of skin a few cms away?
Because in reality, there is not difference, other than you are culturally acclimated to one and not the other.

Why don't you get the comparison? Can you explain to us how piercing your kids ear is any different to piercing another bit of skin a few cms away?

Tongue, nipple are not comparable because they’re not just piecing bits of skin. There’s cartilage, veins to consider etc. They’re higher risk piercings. Plus the aftercare for tongue can be tricky!

Ear lobes are just fresh. Quick to pierce, quick to heal. Very very low risk and no associated risk factors that come with more “intense” for want of a better word piercings.

I suppose that is the difference thought .. culturally acclimated. Over time it's become acceptable for ears at a younger age than something like a tattoo or a bellybutton piercing where they've got a legal age limit.
I'm not saying that people need to agree with ear piercing, but I do think people should realise that for a large proportion of the population it's seen in a different light to other piercings.
By your same reasoning a tiny tattoo would be exactly the same as an entire back piece. It's still only ink and a needle. But plenty of people would see a difference between the two.
I had my tongue pierced at 18 (and took it out two years later) but I always considered it different to ear piercing. It's not as common, or as widely accepted.

You have the right to your opinion, as does everyone else here, I just think it's not comparing like for like.

*flesh. Not fresh.