Ear piercing - who's right?

[Fiirefly]

Posting in AIBU for traffic. My daughter is 7 and has been asking for a long time now to get her ears pierced. I have no issue with this, I was younger than her when I had mine done. If she was going to get them done it would be at the start of the six weeks holidays (whether it's this year or any other year) to give them chance to heal so for PE at school she'd be able to take them out. I understand (rightly or wrongly) you shouldn't take them out in the first six weeks as it's not properly healed yet.

Her dad, my ex husband, hates the idea and doesn't want her to get them pierced.

Would it be fair of me to take her to get them done if he's so against it?

Happy to hear I'm unreasonable if that's the case. I just don't know what the right course of action is.

I would say the summer before high school too, that’s what I told DD and she was happy with that.
We’re now in the summer between yr6 and 7 and she’s not asked at all, and I’ve not mentioned it.
The high school she’s going to don’t allow earrings at all so I’m not sure she have them done till she’s older still.

@RoboJesus circumcision usually isn't the choice of the person undergoing it. It's a different issue.
Why would they close up the first time she's round his? I've just said I can't see him taking them out. I think it's him wanting control over the decision, rather than the actual piercing he's bothered about.

Can I just point out, that you cannot get a 7 year old pierced using a needle?
Most places will only use a gun for under 13, so all this hand wringing about guns is irrelevant if they are only 7, you won't have a choice.

@steppemum I had no idea about that. Like I said I hadn't really looked into it as a decision hadn't been made.
I thought I'd heard of people getting them done with a needle before 13 though?

Can I just point out, that you cannot get a 7 year old pierced using a needle?

Yes, you can if you go to the right places. Reputable parlours don't use guns at all, and will happily pierce a young child with a needle so long as the attending adult consents to it.

That's your get out then OP. Tell DD it's better to have them done with a needle rather than a gun, but no one will do them with a needle yet because she is too young.

My piercing studio will do it for 8 and over with a needle but they have to do a little course first where they learn to clean and take care of them. They are very good.

That’s not anywhere near Cardiff by any chance, @madamginger?

no you can't have them done, dad says no

What would be wrong with telling her "your dad and I have discussed it and agreed you need to wait a few years until you're older"?

Doesn't need to be "dad says no" or "go ask your dad", surely? Especially as you want to avoid drama.

If you're not sure right now on what you'll do later, either tell her 15/16 but still review it at the end of primary, or say it won't be while she's still at primary.

Personally, I think 7 is too young. To me, it seems so unnecessary for a child, but I appreciate not everybody views it that way.

I vaguely recall nagging my mum to get my ears pierced at that age after a few girls at school did. She told me I was too young and we could talk about it when I was older. I never did get them pierced and I'm glad. It's not actually inevitable that all of us will pierce our ears. I like my ears this way

I would say depending how long she has been asking could be a phase maybe say if she keeps on and on this year she can have them done next school holidays when I was 5 I remember sticking stickers on my ears and going on and on at my parents until I was 6 and finally got them done, i was showed how to look after them and I did my now 25 and still done with not a single infection, however having her ears pierced will not leave a scar so if she gets them done and decides to take them out they will heel quickly. Xx

Pharmacies do them pretty much for all ages where I live... It's a clean environment, the child gets a little course about how to take care of them (recently went with my goddaughter as her birthday present)...

That's your get out then OP. Tell DD it's better to have them done with a needle rather than a gun, but no one will do them with a needle yet because she is too young.

It's not a get out because it's not true. Blue Banana are one of the most reputable nationwide piercing parlours. They pierce with either a needle or a gun and will do lobe piercings from the age of 5yo (with parental consent)

See here: www.bluebanana.com/piercing.php/203/ear-lobe-piercing-pierced-ear-guide-piercing-information-uk

Re age of being pierced with a needle - DD was 11 when she had hers pierced with a needle - at a piercing and tattoo studio.

I would wait until end of Y6, hopefully he will have adjusted his views by then.

Dd just had hers done for her 8th birthday. She started asking a year ago, and I would quite happily have let her, as all the pearl clutching about pierced ears is beyond me. But Dh said no, and I felt it had to be a joint decision, so that was that.

But after a year of her really, really wanting it done, Dh finally relented. I didn’t force it, or try to persuade him. I just kept repeating to her that I was fine with it but Daddy didn’t want her to. Eventually, when she couldn’t think of single other thing she wanted for her 8th birthday, he caved, because at heart he’s a softy.

He now thinks she looks very sweet with her very subtle, teeny little gold studs (and she hasn’t stopped beaming for the four days since she had it done).

This is a child who is not appearance orientated by the way, before anyone starts; she has short bobbed hair because she can’t be faffed with bobbles and clips, she lives in shorts and despises anything pink and sparkly. I don’t know what appealed to her about earrings particularly, but something did. Only one other kid at her school has had it done (and she’s in a different year).

So I would not hold back about how it is her Dad who is against it, and just let her ask him for his reasons. It might be harder for him to say no to her than it is for him to say no to you. If he’s a bit controlling then he may be getting a kick out of saying no to you.

And if she reaches 11 and he’s still intransigent - sod him, just do it. 16 is ridiculous.

OP is he usually controlling around decision making for your DD? I think if he is usually reasonable or at least doesn’t have much of an opinion I would take his views into account this time. If he is just using this as yet another stick to beat you with I would not.
I think 16 is ridiculous, my mother insisted on this until she relented when I was about 13. If you are going to take his views into account I would tell him that you are going to ‘compromise with him’ and go with 11.

I suppose we'll see when she's a bit older then.
I'd agree about it being a phase except she's asked quite a few times. She has cousins who are a few years older and they've had their done for a long time. I expect she just assumed that she could as well.

@tomatosalt not usually controlling with things, but it's because he doesn't normally give a shit about anything. I think it's because he feels his control over the decision would annoy me.

YABVU. Don't poke extra holes in your kids with sharp metal, esp when your co parent (sensibly) says not to.

You are unnecessarily causing pain to your child by stabbing them

Oh ffs. What dramatic nonsense. Dd didn’t even flinch. She got more upset about a stubbed toe on the way out of the house 🙄

I was 12 when I got mine done. I've explained that it hurts to DD 10 and she never ever wants to get it done.

@moanykids18 out of interest, do you disagree with ear piercing for all children, regardless of age? You just come across as very anti-piercing

@TittyGolightly no sorry, it’s in Manchester.

I don't get the angst on here about ear piercing. Everyone I know in rl just gets them done when their DC wants, as long as they feel the DC will manage the after care. It's a tiny hole in the ear lobe, what's the big deal.

I just hate seeing her face when he disappoints her again

It's emotive when put in those terms, but no matter how rubbish he may be in other ways, I think in this he's looking out for her. It would be so easy for him to say "whatever, do what you like, they're not my ears so why should I care?".

Going for a compromise would be sensible. Thinking about what you'd do if he doesn't change his mind in 4 years is jumping the gun. He hasn't had 4 years of her wearing him down on it yet!! No 7 year old needs their ears pierced, she's really not being let down by him here.

I'm going to take my DD to a tattooist/piercer to get her ears done when the time is right and they advise no younger than 14 for ears (or the one we'll be using does anyway!)