Ear piercing - who's right?

[Fiirefly]

Posting in AIBU for traffic. My daughter is 7 and has been asking for a long time now to get her ears pierced. I have no issue with this, I was younger than her when I had mine done. If she was going to get them done it would be at the start of the six weeks holidays (whether it's this year or any other year) to give them chance to heal so for PE at school she'd be able to take them out. I understand (rightly or wrongly) you shouldn't take them out in the first six weeks as it's not properly healed yet.

Her dad, my ex husband, hates the idea and doesn't want her to get them pierced.

Would it be fair of me to take her to get them done if he's so against it?

Happy to hear I'm unreasonable if that's the case. I just don't know what the right course of action is.

I think 7 is a bit too young. We said our DDs had to wait until they were 12 but that was over 10 years ago.
16 is a long time to wait though. So you ex is being unreasonable about that.

Make sure he tells her.

I really appreciate everyone's responses. I was a bit nervous posting here because AIBU can get quite heated at times, but o really appreciate people trying to put it all into perspective

100% I'd say that this isn't your decision to make alone. Her father has said no. If this was the other way around people would be calling the father all sorts of names and demanding you go NC with him immediately.

Seconding pps don't go to Claire's. My dd had here pierced at 8. We kept them clean as per instructions but a few weeks later we were in A and E getting one removed which had gone inside her ear and become infected. Ear was swollen horribly and dd in pain and upset.
The nurse who removed it was lovely but said dd was the sixth little girl that month who ended up there due to Claire's not using a long enough bar.
Since then both dc only use proper piercers

Mine gave me a permanent and severe nickel allergy and my wedding ring saw me hospitalised as a result.

Titty thats awful so sorry you had to go through that.

There are always the possibility of allergy issues. I did insist when my DD's had theirs done (age 10 and 8) they had gold studs, they didn't change them for way longer than the advised 6 weeks and they weren't allowed to wear 'cheap fashion earrings' for probably 12 months.

Thanks @SharronNeedles - I value your honesty

'm ambivalent towards ear piercings but I know my ex isn't. If she gets to 11/12 years old and he still won't budge does it become more reasonable to let her get them done anyway?

If she has been asking for 5 years, then yes, I'd probably be pushed to give in at that point. If only because I'd expect her to go and do it herself at a mate's house. I think like other posters that 11 is a good age as they're a bit more mature and less likely to be doing silly things that would rip the earring out. DD is 7 and can barely get jumper off without help, she'd rip it out of her head in no time.

I got mine with 5. I apparenty started asking (extremely insistently... On every birthday and Christmas wishlist / when someone asked...) when I was about 3.

I've never regretted my decision.

Until she's 16...?! Goodness. This actually seems extremely controlling to me personally...

Tell her to ask him...?

You could discuss it with him when she's present. But that is a bit manipulative and could potentially drastically worsen your parental relationship.

Seems unfair to me that he can have so little involvement in her life but overrule OP on something the little girl so clearly wants for what what don't sound like well thought out/explained reasons. May I suggest f*ck the pariachy!

patriarchy**

I understand why people say I should get her to ask him, I just hate seeing her face when he disappoints her again. I know it's only an ear piercing but she's gutted when he lets her down with anything that I just think this would disappoint her as well. Maybe I should bite the bullet and just say she needs to ask her dad.

Can't help thinking the answers would be different if it was a man wanting to go against the 'mother's' wishes.

Both parents need to agree to it IMO.

@thisneverendingsummer that's exactly why I posted. To get other opinions about when I would be unreasonable

If she gets to 11/12 years old and he still won't budge does it become more reasonable to let her get them done anyway? Is it just that she's only 7 or is it because I don't have his blessing?

Much more reasonable to let her.

Simply because 11/12 is an age where her body/her choice is an argument that can be made in a situation like this. (Obviously not in regards to all kind of things. Common sense and parental judgement obviously still applies.)

But properly done ear piercings are relatively low risk. M

But more importantly... Why does he oppose this so strongly? Until she's 16??

@MariaMadita I'm not completely sure. He's very stubborn, always has been. I do wonder if he's always been so adamant with it being 16 purely because he knows I'd let her get them done before then and it's his way of having control over the decision

I just hate seeing her face when he disappoints her again

That makes sense...

But (as someone that had an occasionally quite absent father...) I also feel like sheltering herself too much from her paternal reality (I'm not saying that this is what you're doing) isn't doing her any favours, tbh...

Good luck!!

Thanks! @MariaMadita
This parenting stuff isn't easy haha. I'm just trying to make the best of it 😂

I'd let her get them done before then and it's his way of having control over the decision

:/

Sounds like a twat.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with it...

Waiting until she's 11 might be a good compromise in this situation.

Would he tell her to take the earrings out if she got them/when she'd spend time with him?

I would tell him to fuck off and get them done anyway, but I am quite sure that makes me very unreasonable.

I feel that way sometimes too @Deadringer haha!

@MariaMadita I can't see him forcing her to take them out. I think the majority of people seem to be in agreement that 11 is a good age

I think seven is too young personally, but what about for turning double digits, or the summer before secondary?

For me the most important thing is they have enough time over the summer to heal before potentially needing to be taken out for PE or sports.

You are unnecessarily causing pain to your child by stabbing them. He has the right to stop that. Just like circumcisions. Plus why put your child through all that then have them close up the first time she goes round his?

@adaline I agree with the 6 weeks to heal. I think a few friends have said they're having theirs done this summer holiday for that exact reason