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Original poster

Who's surname to give the baby?

229 replies

Kate8790 · 26/07/2018 19:24

Me and my partner are expecting a baby daughter next month and we can't agree on the baby's surname. As we are unmarried and not living together and the relationship is very up and down, I believe it's in our daughters best interests to have my surname as she will live with me. He believes she should have his surname as he thinks it's the right thing to do. He can be very domineering if we disagree on something and is trying to forbid me from giving our daughter my surname. I just don't know what to do for the best 😣

OP posts:
Yutes · 26/07/2018 19:25

If you and your partner don’t live together, give the baby your surname.

BitOfFun · 26/07/2018 19:26

PLEASE give the baby your surname.

underthewillow · 26/07/2018 19:26

Yours. Absolutely. 100%.

BlueBug45 · 26/07/2018 19:26

He doesn't have parental responsibility until he is named on the birth certificate so give your daughter what names - yes plural - you like.

By names I mean firstname, middle name and last name.

TittyGolightly · 26/07/2018 19:27

My husband and I don’t share a name. DD has both of our names - mine as a second middle name and his as her surname. Works brilliantly.

Squidgling · 26/07/2018 19:27

In your situation I would give the baby your surname for the reasons that you have stated. If further down the line you decide to marry and take his surname then your daughter's can be changed at that point if you want to. I don't agree with him that giving his surname is 'the right thing to do'. Plenty of people don't just automatically give the dad's surname. Another option of course is to double barrel?

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 26/07/2018 19:27

I just don't know what to do for the best

Ditch him and give the baby your surname.

JMKid · 26/07/2018 19:27

Yours.

BlueBug45 · 26/07/2018 19:28

Oh and if you do later get married you can change her lastname.

If however, you split up you will forever have hassle with authorities on why her lastname is different from yours.

unadventuretime · 26/07/2018 19:28

DEFINITELY yours.

theluggageslegs · 26/07/2018 19:28

I’d give her your name if you’ll be the main carer. He can be as domineering as he likes, but ultimately it’s your choice and you don’t have to put his name on the birth certificate at all - if you can’t trust him to keep his mouth shut during the appointment you don’t have to take him with you.

BlueBug45 · 26/07/2018 19:29

@squidgling - to double barrel in this situation is a no no. Due to the relationship being up and down.

MishMashMosher · 26/07/2018 19:29

10000% your name. I got pregnant at a young age and went on to marry my DCs dad and I would still recommend you giving your Baby your name.

If the biological parents of a dc marry after the birth is registered you are allowed to re register the birth and change the birth certificate to give the child the fathers surname.

Jimdandy · 26/07/2018 19:29

Contrary to popular belief it isn’t tradition for children to have their Father’s last name.

It’s tradition to have their Mothers, but it was also tradition for the Mother to be married to the Father and to default to taking his last name, so following on the kids had the Father’s last name.

I would always give my children my surname.

WonkyWay · 26/07/2018 19:30

Both names. Regardless of you and your partners relationship both of you are her parents.

UglyCathKidstonBag · 26/07/2018 19:30

You gestate the baby, you name the baby.

PlaymobilPirate · 26/07/2018 19:30

Yours. I didn't and, even though we're still together 7years later, I regret it.

We were heading towards marrying but do isn't interested so that's gone tits up. I HATE saying ds' full name as it's different to mine.

Disclaimer - I have friends who have different names to their kids and it doesn't bother them. This is only my experience

Returnofthesmileybar · 26/07/2018 19:31

100% your name! And dump his domineering while you are at it

Awrite · 26/07/2018 19:31

Your surname.

There are so many children who live with their Mum, don't see their Dad and yet have his surname. I really wish the default was for all babies to be given their mother's surname.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 26/07/2018 19:31

Yours. I was married and still gave my son my surname

Ariclock · 26/07/2018 19:31

Definitely give her your name.

GKite · 26/07/2018 19:31

Yours. Please god yours

Frustratedboarder · 26/07/2018 19:32

For fucks sake don't give her his surname. Read your post back to yourself - you're basically considering letting a controlling bully who you often don't get on with push you into doing something that you would Very likely regret in the not too distant future. If you're not living together or even in a secure and stable relationship it would be an insane move to give her his name!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/07/2018 19:32

I gave my children their father’s surname because he was committed to me (married) and it mattered more to him than to me. Hasn’t caused any real problems.

In your circumstances I would have given the baby my surname. Particularly the domineering bullying behaviour. You’ve done all the work so far, there’s a chance you’ll continue to do the majority.

TittyGolightly · 26/07/2018 19:32

If however, you split up you will forever have hassle with authorities on why her lastname is different from yours.

What utter shit.