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Original poster

Who's surname to give the baby?

229 replies

Kate8790 · 26/07/2018 19:24

Me and my partner are expecting a baby daughter next month and we can't agree on the baby's surname. As we are unmarried and not living together and the relationship is very up and down, I believe it's in our daughters best interests to have my surname as she will live with me. He believes she should have his surname as he thinks it's the right thing to do. He can be very domineering if we disagree on something and is trying to forbid me from giving our daughter my surname. I just don't know what to do for the best 😣

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 26/07/2018 19:53

Your name op

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 26/07/2018 19:54

I had this discussion with my ex (we were happily together at the time and engaged).. I conceded and they had his surname.

Several down the line we separated and I wish more than anything I’d stuck to my guns. He is a very involved dad, but I am the primary carer and I hate having a different surname. In day to day stuff they are ‘known as’ my name. But in all legal stuff (doctors, dentists, passport, etc.) they have his. It’s a palaver I wish I’d avoided.

heavandhell · 26/07/2018 19:54

Defiantly give her your surname.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 26/07/2018 19:54

Several years down the line...

Butterflykissess · 26/07/2018 19:54

Yours. I keep being called Mrs (exes last name) due to dd having it and I hate it! I thought I was bring smart giving both our names but everyone seems to just drop mine so I wouldnt even bother giving both just yours.

AngelsSins · 26/07/2018 19:55

YOUR NAME!!!!

It’s tradition, and I bet he’d want you to be traditional if you ever got married, and expect you to take his name! More importantly though, it sounds like you will be doing the vast majority of the parenting. There’s just no give reason to give your baby his name, and you can always change it later if you really wanted, whereas if you give the baby his name, he would never agree to let you change it, even if he’d walked out, never seen her/him or paid a penny in maintenance.

BertrandRussell · 26/07/2018 19:55

Yours or hyphenated. If he is being an arse, then yours.

mehhh · 26/07/2018 19:56

YOURS

I gave dps although we live together and are still together but I wish I'd have given mine

PinguForPresident · 26/07/2018 19:57

Yours.

She'll be referred to as Baby YourSurname while you're in hospital. Just keep going with that.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 26/07/2018 20:00

Yours, alongside his if you want. And you're not married so he can't forbid shit. Legally it's completely your decision.

TheExhausted · 26/07/2018 20:00

Yours!

BlueBug45 · 26/07/2018 20:01

@TittyGolightly I guess my friends' and acquaintances are lying about British immigration questioning their children on who the woman is with them then.

KC225 · 26/07/2018 20:01

Yours. You don't live with him. It's rocky.

I am married but did not change my name. Our children have his surname. It seemed such a little thing at the time but 11 years on they have a different passport name to me. I now live in a different country and if we are travelling back to the UK I carry copies of my marriage certificate and their birth certificates, just in case.

DiegoMadonna · 26/07/2018 20:02

Double barrel. Because... why not??

P.S. your partner sounds like a prick,.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 26/07/2018 20:04

@TittyGoLightly

You do get questioned at the airport, I have been with my kids when going on holiday.. I will be obtaining a letter from my ex this year to explain that the children are allowed to leave the country with me. Luckily we are amicable, I can imagine this could be problematic with nightmare ex’s.

I’m not sure why you think this doesn’t happen?

Gemini69 · 26/07/2018 20:05

Yours Yours Yours Yours Yours Yours.... always Flowers

glitterbiscuits · 26/07/2018 20:06

YOURS!!!!!

roratone · 26/07/2018 20:07

Yours. I'm in the same set up as you (without the domineering behaviour). Child is 'Jointly decided but my suggestion first name' 'His surname as middle name' then 'my surname

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/07/2018 20:08

Give his surname as a second middle name. Give your baby your name. You don’t even live together and your relationship is rocky. Traditionally the child gets the mothers name.

thethoughtfox · 26/07/2018 20:09

Your name. If he wants that privilege, he should have married you. Please don't marry him. He sounds like a dick.

Hellywelly10 · 26/07/2018 20:12

Oh dd does always get quizzed by immegration officials. Not too bad now shes older however i nearly wasnt let back into the uk once because of it.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/07/2018 20:14

100% your surname. If you ever marry, you can consider changing it.

LeroyJenkins · 26/07/2018 20:15

from what you have written, your 'D'P doesnt sound like a keeper - you really should give her your name

like others have posted, you can always change it if you decide to get married?

PinkFluffyFairy · 26/07/2018 20:15

Yours. Yours. Yours. Yours. Yours.

Spellitforme · 26/07/2018 20:24

We live together I agreed dcs having his surname as I prefer it to mine HOWEVER at the airport when they were little they were questioned about who I was even thou their dad was with us. I was glad security wise but it wasn't a pleasant experience! I'd go with your name. You can always change it later. You could tell him you prefer your surname if that makes it any easier.