Who's surname to give the baby?

[Kate8790]

Me and my partner are expecting a baby daughter next month and we can't agree on the baby's surname. As we are unmarried and not living together and the relationship is very up and down, I believe it's in our daughters best interests to have my surname as she will live with me. He believes she should have his surname as he thinks it's the right thing to do. He can be very domineering if we disagree on something and is trying to forbid me from giving our daughter my surname. I just don't know what to do for the best 😣

He’s domineering and the relationship is up and down and from your post, he doesn’t seem willing to listen to you much either. Keep your baby at home with you and both share your name. I love my DH very much but was always clear to him that if we weren’t married, the children would have my name. I know too many people who planned to get married after the baby arrived and never did.

I love my DH very much but was always clear to him that if we weren’t married, the children would have my name. I know too many people who planned to get married after the baby arrived and never did.

He could have taken your name.

@TittyGolightly - I'm presuming the OP will go on holiday with her child for starters.

Based on what you have said, your name

he thinks it's the right thing to do. He can be very domineering
Maybe he should realise that being domineering is NOT the right thing to do.

Please give the baby your name.

My sister had two children with a man she was in a long term relationship with but never married and have both children his surname.

They split up when the children were 5 and 7, they hardly have anything to do with their dad (dad’s choice) and it kills my sister her children don’t have the same surname as her and instead have the name of a man who doesn’t even make the effort to be an important part of their lives.

Unmarried women should always give the baby their surnames in my opinion.

Give the baby your name.

It will be the easiest thing in the world to change the baby/child’s name to his if you get married and decide to take his name.

The fact he is trying to bully you into the baby having his name would be enough to make me set on your surname.

Hmm yeah DH and I have different surnames and we gave DD mine as a second middle name and his as her surname but really given your situation I’d give the baby your name.

Yours. Definitely.

Your name. If things go wonderfully in the future and you get married you can always change both your name and hers (if you intend to change yours!). If they go badly, you’ll be v v v glad she has your name.

In your situation I would definitely given your daughter your surname.

Yours, no question. He wants you to do all the slog and he gets all the 'glory'. Your OP doesn't bode well tbh. Your surname.

Absolutely give baby your name. You will live to regret doing otherwise.

Yours. Not double barrelled just yours.

@TittyGolightly - I'm presuming the OP will go on holiday with her child for starters.

I’ve travelled all over the world with DD without DH since she was tiny without any issue whatsoever.

Yours.
Dont understand unmarried women giving their child someone elses surname. Even if their relationship is good

OP I was in your position. The baby had my name in the end.

10 years later we got married and changed all of our surnames to have a mix of both mine and his surname.

So just because you choose yours now (you should by the way) doesn’t mean it cant be very easily changed at a later date.

Similarly, my friend chose her partners name. He turned out to be a penis so she changed her daughters name to hers.

It’s simple really.

Your name, definitely. Take the baby and register her yourself, it will be much easier if you establish a clear boundary on how you will act as a parent right now.

Yours, of course. It would be fine for lots of reasons, but if you're not living together, it seems very obvious to me.

He may believe he is 'right,' but ask him this - what does your child stand to lose if s/he has your name? What will be different? Are those differences anything that you are genuinely concerned about? If you aren't persuaded by his answers to those questions, he should accept that he hasn't convinced you and he needs to back off.

Dont understand unmarried women giving someone elses surname. Even if their relationship is good

Because I expect the Mum (maybe not in this instance though) hopes to marry the father some day and have his surname too.
So she just prempts it.
I know plenty of women who have done this and gone on to marry the man, so eventually having the same surname as the kids.
I don’t think the OP should do that though.

YOURS!! Wish I had taken my own advice nearly 14 years ago.

I named my kids with their dad's surname.. regret it now he hasnt seen them in 18 months. Did manage to double barral them but it means my oldest has a hypenated first and surname

Yours, definitely. You've got approx 18 years of having to fill out forms, contact with school, Dr and dentist appointments etc where you'll have to give his name. It will get annoying really fast having different names. Having the same name makes it obvious you're his mum. I don't get why the father thinks he has more right than you to name the child.

I gave dd her dads surname and have regretted it ever since.

Yours. 100% yours.