Partner doesn't like sharing a bed

[camberskank]

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this? I completely get it. He likes space, he doesn't sleep well, he's 6ft3 and sleeps better on his own. He tells me he sleeps better on his own. I've been away with work all week and I know it has been bliss for him. He likely will be dreading having to share a bed again.

I don't snore, barely move at night and he simply finds it annoying not having much space. We don't have room for a bed bigger than a double.

I guess I just don't like that he doesn't like me being in bed with him. I'm 6 months pregnant and like knowing he's there next to me, he just lays there frustrated wishing I wasn't there. He's now resorted to sleeping on the sofa all the time.

AIBU to let this bother me? Can you still have a good relationship and sleep in separate rooms? Is this a normal way to feel?

Not sure if my hormones are getting to me or I'm feeling upset for good reason...

I think this is one of those totally made up conventions that has no actual basis in scientific fact, or some kind of fundamental truth that couples must sleep together, or else!

I’ve always loathed sharing a bed and have always slept better on my own. I love how in the old 50s movies the couples had separate single beds, although I’d also have a separate room to myself if the house were big enough.

I loved that Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton were married for many years yet lived next door to each other.

None of this means people love each other any less. It’s just convention. Do what makes you physically and mentally well and fuck what society says you should do.

I hate it too. DP sleeps like an idiot. Messing up the quilt, feet everywhere.

We had the same problem when I had my first DC. DH is a terrible sleeper so when the baby was born we put a bed in the nursery and I slept in with her. I did it for 6 months, but in your situation, you could do it for two or three years if you had to.

For DC2, we did things differently as I co-slept with baby. We had a third bedroom by then, so DC1 was in the smallest room, DC2 and I shared the master and DH slept in a single in the "nursery (baby didn't sleep there but we kept a cot for naps and all the baby paraphernalia in there. We now live in a bigger house and DH sleeps in the spare room, although as it has been 4 years I think we probably need to start calling it 'DH's room'. The intention was that it would be just short-term, but DC1 has been a bad sleeper and still often comes in with me at night.

Bless you @camberskank not an ideal situation at all!

I Like to sleep on my own as well. But husband isn’t happy about it. We have a two bedroom house. And our son has the other room.

To compromise we have up the dining table (have a table in the kitchen ) and bought a day bed. Works brilliantly. So I think that would work? How about switching the sofa to a day bed. Add loads of pillows. I sit in ours during the day and use it as a sofa

Seems like a decent sofa bed for the living room could work. If it would mean moving things, see if you can hang the tv on the wall and change the table to one that folds away. Have a look on free or local selling sites. Also I'm pretty sure there are small space living sites that may have ideas you can look at for the future if moving or remodelling aren't realistic.

I agree with NerdyBird - if you look around the internet, there are some excellent small space living sites with great ideas.

For example, rather than a sofa bed in your living room where you have to set up and put away the bed every day (and move furniture around) what about a 'loft bed' over the sofa.

There are relatively cheap options if you google "loft bed with sofa" or "high sleeper with sofa". Don't just look at the ads - click the images tab that Google provides.

Here's one (£250) that could fit over the top of many sofas and look tasteful in a living room : www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B075FYC5WZ/ref=sspa_dk_detail_7?psc=1&pd_rd_i=B075FYC5WZ&tag=mumsnetforum-21

There are also more pricey but amazing designs, which could provide a long term living room solution:

www.espace-loggia.com/en/products/loft-bed-dkle.html

www.espace-loggia.com/en/products/mezzanine-bed-attic.html

www.compact-living.com/loftsangar/367

Another idea - what about getting a triple sleeper for your master bedroom. i.e. a double bed with a bunk-style single above?

It might be a very nice compromise - you and DH share a room and even a double bed when you want, but there is also the option of one of you popping up to the top bunk bed for a bit of separate sleep time.

There are lots of triple sleepers around. You can also search bunk bed with double. Argos, Dunelm, Amazon, Bedking all have options. Ikea used to have Tromso, but I'm not sure if it's still available.
Eg www.argos.co.uk/product/1709939?cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157%7Cacid:480-316-7430%7Ccid:199887273%7Cagid:17632544433%7Ctid:pla-94414583793%7Ccrid:74692315233%7Cnw:g%7Crnd:12625713005762978546%7Cdvc:c%7Cadp:1o4%7Cmt:%7Cloc:1006598&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIueCuy7O83AIVLbHtCh17BQGjEAQYBCABEgLJqvD_BwE

I hate sharing a bed. A super king and separate covers is tolerable.

How about he moves into the nursery (in a full size single) and you have baby in bed with you?

DH likes to sleep next to someone, DS1 hates it, I hate it and DS2 loves it.

So what often happens in that DH and DS2 end up in our bed while I wander off to the blissful emptiness of DS2's bed.

Or if he just needs space to think, baby and you in biggest room, his DD in the next size room and he gets the box room as literally a 'bed' room.

I adore DH and DS2, I just don't like being that close to someone while I am sleeping.

As long as one of you is lithe enough to get up a ladder, I would go for the double bunk bed or a loft bed - so a raised double for him and you can shove your current bed against the wall, so you can get to the cot easier (if you're going to BF). Sounds easier than moving the TV every night.

Why is it you that will have to move into the single in the nursery if it is him that doesn't like sharing? Surely the onus is on him to find a solution if he isn't happy with the status quo rather than you essentially being kicked out of your bed?

An average 3 bed semi in early the 1980's in the midlands was about 16K, that same house now is £145K. In today's money, £16K is around £50K. So the house prices are literally 3 times more now.

No wonder people cannot get on the property ladder! You need about £40K as a deposit!

Wrong thread sorry!

I'm so glad this thread has come up. It looks like I will have to sleep in a separate room as my partner snores and I'm a very very light sleeper. I was so worried it would damage our relationship but I realise now that sleep deprivation is far more damaging. As long as we keel putting in the effort - cuddling in bed at night and in the morning before parting - it will be okay. I feel somewhat lighter now :)

My DH has got restless legs, and is a horribly poor sleeper. We don't have a spare room, have got a 7ft bed and yet he kicks me black and blue. I'm a regular on the sofa, just to get some sleep. I hate him at times as he doesn't see an issue, thinks I'm sensitive and he won't take the medication the Dr has given him.........

I'd love love love my own bedroom

Actually laughed out loud at "sleeps like an idiot" 😂😂

Actually laughed out loud at "sleeps like an idiot”

He does 😂 he throws the quilt everywhere and wakes me up!

Me and my DH don’t share a bed and over the last 3 years we’ve probably only shared a bed for a period of 3-4 months.

I hate sharing a bed with him for lots of reasons.

There’s a real chance than in the next few months I’m going to have to have him back in with me again and I’m absolutely dreading it.

I love him to pieces but I don’t want to share my bedroom or bed with him

My partner and I have slept separately for over 20 years. However, I don't sleep alone...I share a super king with my dog.
He snores, I snore. I like reading in bed, he likes to go straight to sleep. I go to bed earlier and get up earlier. We are just not compatible when it comes to sleep.
Holidays can be a pain. We will turn down hotels that don't have a twin bedded room available. Then we both have to wear earplugs.
In my defence I will say we are over 60 and retired.
I love my bedroom, and the dog and I are very happy together.

I also enjoyed 'sleeps like an idiot' hehe! I have one of those too!

DH snores, grinds his teeth, and does this horrendous full body jerking thing as he's nodding off. I'm a terrible sleeper and a leaf blowing down the street could wake me up.

Separate beds are sometimes the healthiest option.

I think I would be the same way as your partner. I like sharing my bed with my books, that’s it. I really don’t like sharing a bed with anyone.

Sorry if I missed it, does his daughter live full time with you?
If not would using her room when she's not there be an option?

Hope you find something that works for you.