Partner doesn't like sharing a bed

[camberskank]

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this? I completely get it. He likes space, he doesn't sleep well, he's 6ft3 and sleeps better on his own. He tells me he sleeps better on his own. I've been away with work all week and I know it has been bliss for him. He likely will be dreading having to share a bed again.

I don't snore, barely move at night and he simply finds it annoying not having much space. We don't have room for a bed bigger than a double.

I guess I just don't like that he doesn't like me being in bed with him. I'm 6 months pregnant and like knowing he's there next to me, he just lays there frustrated wishing I wasn't there. He's now resorted to sleeping on the sofa all the time.

AIBU to let this bother me? Can you still have a good relationship and sleep in separate rooms? Is this a normal way to feel?

Not sure if my hormones are getting to me or I'm feeling upset for good reason...

So you have two bedrooms ? Can you move the wall to make your bedroom bigger ? King size or super king bed is the way forward. Especially as children always end up in bed with you.

Is there wardrobes that can removed to accommodate a bigger bed?

I could not sleep in a double with anyone

We honestly do not have room for a bigger bed. We wouldn't be able to fit past the side of our bed to get in it. It's tight as it is... unless our bedroom literally was just a room with a bed in!

Normal for you to feel this way but a double for a bloke his size, oof! I don't think they're big enough for two people full stop.

What are the other beds like in your house?

A 6 months pregnant woman and a 6’3” man in a standard size double? In this heat?? Honestly, that sounds like torture.

This,

DH is 6'4 and whilst he didn't complain in our old double he would regularly wake me up, kicking me (not on purpose) or just taking up all the space, you are asking him to sleep in a bed shorter than he is and with you in it too he can't even lie diagonally, you need a bigger bed. We have a super king now and it's bliss, although I do still like having a whole bed to myself when I'm working away, to roll around and bundle the duvet up and surround myself with pillows like I'm some kind of emperor

The only time I ever really and truly properly hate DP is wheb we're staying over somewhere/camping and I can't escape to the sofato get away from his snoring.

I genuinely want to batter him to death. It makes me tearful.

Sleeping separately is the least worst option for a lot of people.

@stompdino it'd be impossible to move the wall sadly. One wall is on the outside of the house and the other has staircase next to it. We live in a really small house. I think I'm just going to have to move in to the nursery when baby arrives!

If you can't fit it in your current space you need to look at removing other furniture or moving walls, good sleep is that important

Yanbu for getting upset. My DP often falls asleep downstairs and spends the night there, or does come to bed with me just to move back downstairs because of the heat. I hate it because he knows I hate it - but he needs his sleep. But as PP said re: pregnancy pillow. When I have that thing to myself it's a dream!

Sleeping in the nursery isn't a long term solution though, do you own or rent? Is extending or moving an option?

We have separate bedrooms and it was the best decision ever! He snores I turn like crazy so I usually wake up cocooned in bed sheet and duvet.
We actually say lovely good morning to each other rather than growl at each other due to lack of sleep.

Have a look at bigger beds if you can. Especially if it upsets you

People who have separate rooms - I'm intrigued. Does it not lead to less physical affection generally?

@foodiefil child size bed (smaller than single for his DD) and considering putting a small single in the nursery for me to move in to when baby arrives. He can't keep sleeping in the small sofa so this looks like our only option.

I do understand how he feels, I just hate the thought of him being on the sofa where he still doesn't sleep well. I've ended up squeezed in to his DDs bed out of guilt before at 6 months pregnant as he's complained so much about how he can't sleep with me

I didn't think I snored either until my partner said so still don't believe him, think it's deflection

I only stay one night a week with him and I never sleep well as I hate sharing a bed. He really does snore and also has restless leg syndrome, I'm always knackered the following morning.

I've ended up sleeping on the sofa a few times to get away from the noise and kicks in the shin! Doesn't mean I don't care about him, just that I can't sleep properly some nights.

@chaffyMcChaff
I mean the routine you have around sleep, your sleep cycles etc.
So when I say I have good sleep hygiene, I mean I make a reasonable effort to 1) safeguard my environment to ensure I get enough sleep and 2) have a routine which facilitates optimum sleep.
For me, poor sleep hygiene would include eating late, going to bed late and lying in bed with my phone for ages, sleeping in a hot and uncomfortable room etc

I hate sharing a bed. We have a king size, but I'd love a super king. Actually ideally I'd like my own room. He snores, he likes to go to bed later than me, he has to read before bed (drives me mad when I knackered.)

We ready have two single duvets. Which is better, I can wrap it round to avoid touching.

I'm working away from home for a few weeks and I really miss DH in bed next to me. I love waking up to this big, snuggly body beside me. I hate sleeping alone. I'd need at least a cat for company.

OP - soon you'll have a baby for company, and they get very snuggly.

“We don't have room for a bed bigger than a double.”

IMO a 6’3” man sharing a double bed with his pregnant partner is a bit claustrophobic. OH is 6’2” and we had a king size for years, and now have a super king. A double bed is simply not big enough for us. So, I don’t blame your partner, sorry.

What is “sleep hgiene” RubyWho?

@FASH84 some people don't have the type of rooms where you can just remove furniture or move walls. Our house is tiny, our wardrobe is in the spare room. Bigger bed just isn't an option. As I said I think I will just end up in the nursery with DC

Agree sleeping in the nursery isn't a long term solution and just lumbers you with all the night care. You need to find another solution. Is there a way to move to a place with a bigger master bedroom? A double is very small, I don't know how people sleep in them long term, we've a super king.

Hook the nursery up with a decent sofa bed or day bed. Sleep in there in turns.

A double bed with a tall partner and a heavily pregnant woman sounds stifling.

I started sleeping on the sofa a lot when I was pregnant and after our son was born as it was the only way I could get comfortable (on my side with my back up against the back of the settee and lots of pillows around me). I cannot get to sleep in our bed. We need to buy a new mattress, just haven't got around to it yet. Plus DS is still in our room and often ends up in our bed when he's teething etc.

Honestly, it's bliss. I used to make excuses but the truth is, I love sleeping on my own! DP and DS both snore and I'm such a light sleeper these days. It doesn't affect our relationship at all. We still cuddle up on the sofa in the evenings and are very affectionate/have sex etc so that side of things is fine. Plus we all get a better night sleep so win win. We are TTC number 2 soon so not sure of the logistic when a potential new baby is here but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!

Ah I see @RubyWho...that makes sense 👍

I got myself in a real state when my DH started sleeping in another bed because he couldn’t sleep in ours. When you do the research it actually suggest couples function better if they sleep separately and as humans we weren’t officially supposed to share such close quarters. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture so if neither of you are sleeping that well it’s going to put a bigger strain on the relationship than sleeping soundly separately if you see what I mean. DH and I compromised so he starts off in bed with me so we can still have a cuddle and pillow talk etc. Normally I fall asleep first and he scoots off into the other room. I then join him in there in the morning. Sometimes we stay together all night and sometimes we don’t. It’s not a big deal.

I know you said you can’t get another bed but one solution could be a day bed type thing in your nursery? It pulls out to make a bed so he doesn’t have the sleep on the sofa?

Nothing more soul destroying than lying in bed not sleeping next to someone who is. Night upon night upon night.

That will destroy a relationship quicker than separate beds, especially if you come together at weekends etc.