Partner doesn't like sharing a bed

[camberskank]

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this? I completely get it. He likes space, he doesn't sleep well, he's 6ft3 and sleeps better on his own. He tells me he sleeps better on his own. I've been away with work all week and I know it has been bliss for him. He likely will be dreading having to share a bed again.

I don't snore, barely move at night and he simply finds it annoying not having much space. We don't have room for a bed bigger than a double.

I guess I just don't like that he doesn't like me being in bed with him. I'm 6 months pregnant and like knowing he's there next to me, he just lays there frustrated wishing I wasn't there. He's now resorted to sleeping on the sofa all the time.

AIBU to let this bother me? Can you still have a good relationship and sleep in separate rooms? Is this a normal way to feel?

Not sure if my hormones are getting to me or I'm feeling upset for good reason...

Don't feel sad. This is normal. Normal doubles are too small for tall people sharing. One day you will be able to get a super king bed with a good mattress. Then you will be able to share a bed.

Only time we really share a bed is when going to a posh hotel for weekends away. I bring ear plugs and an eye mask because he likes to snore like a train and keep the curtains open all night, so the early morning light wakes me up. Too early!

Humans (and other animals) are not meant to share the whole night sleeping together really. Bed is for sex and fun, after that hoppit and leave me alone to snore, fart, starfish, read kindle, etc. thanks!

Bliss. Happy harmony.

I hated sleeping with my DH, we have different sleep cycles & it got to the point it was causing rows.

I need loads of space & toss & turn for hours. Feeling like I had to lie there quietly, listening to him sleep sent me batty.

We've had separate rooms for years now, blinking marvellous! Get on great...if I feel I need company, I just ask & he's very obliging. (-:

I think there are guidelines on what can be classified as a bedroom, five foot wide doesn't even classify as a single, which I think is to be a min of seven foot wide.

Could part of the problem be the room is so small, so he feels claustrophobic? It seems your both sleeping in a very small single room.

I'd look at turning the living room into a bedroom at night. Sharing a room with your child isn't anything that's going to work long term.

A 6 months pregnant woman and a 6’3” man in a standard size double? In this heat?? Honestly, that sounds like torture

^^agree

OP if you can't fit a bigger bed in, you can't. Are you in a two bed house? You mentioned the 'spare room' where your wardrobe is, but assume that will be the nursery?

A 6 months pregnant woman and a 6’3” man in a standard size double? In this heat?? Honestly, that sounds like torture

^^agree

OP if you can't fit a bigger bed in, you can't. Are you in a two bed house? You mentioned the 'spare room' where your wardrobe is, but assume that will be the nursery?

I thought me and dp were strange sleeping in separate rooms... seems quite common amongst us.
We have been together since we were 18 and have slept in separate rooms since we were 20... over 30 years old now.
I thought it was odd at first but dp is an awful sleeper and the lack of sleep for both of us caused massive rows every morning. Separate rooms works perfectly... don't know what will happen when we have children though

@FlintyBadman no. Some people can not afford big houses. It's not a Wendy house but is narrow at the bottom and has a big gap in the wall on my side which is about 1 meter by 1 meter. This is quite normal for some people who do not have much money and have to live within their means. Our room has a built in cupboard to the side towards the end of the bed in the wall that cannot be moved as the stairs runs next to and under it.

@NapQueen see above, crib fits nicely in the the gap by my bed. It's set up already! wanted to see if it fitted and never bothered to take it down. We have three bedrooms. Ours, DPs daughter's (box room with a small child size bed) and the nursery.

I get it. My house is small. Tiny. I really can't change that. We have so little money and just enough for my maternity leave. Some people just live in tiny houses. Hopefully we will be able to afford to live in a bigger house one day.

@Slightlyjaded yes spare room is now the nursery. Sorry, can't help but call it spare room as I'm so used to it!

I mean, rich people always used to have separate rooms.. so it's nothing new.
I don't like not sharing but we have a King which means we can spread out a bit more x

t's tight as it is... unless our bedroom literally was just a room with a bed in!

I would consider this, to be honest.

Also 6'3 isn't that big. My friend is 6'7 and shared a double and is fine with it.

could you fit two single bed divan bases into the room?
that solves the bedframe and headboard problem.

or a sofabed in the living room?

@FlintyBadman no. Some people can not afford big houses.

I'm not talking about "big houses", just a house that has a 'master bedroom' wider than 6 foot.

Is the spare bedroom/nursery even smaller then? If so I don't think you'll fit a cot, single bed and wardrobes in it.

I agree with the suggestion on turning the front room into an overnight bedroom. If you invest in a decent double sofabed then your husband (or you) would be fine sleeping there at night and better than sharing a nursery.

If you have a baby girl in the long term id knock the box room into whichever room its next to. You and dh take the largest and put both dds in the other one.

The room is five foot wide if there is half a foot either side and a king would touch the sides, a double is four foot and a king five foot.

Op I know you can't move the walls in yours, but could you knock the spare room and box room into one bedroom? And have the two kids share a room?

I think if that's not possible you'll need to make the living room a bedroom when the kids are in bed, and replace sofa with a sofa bed.

I am thinking of moving to the spare room myself! I am 5'10 and my partner is 6'1.. we have a queen size bed. Then we add 2 boxer dogs to the occasion! both roughly 30kilo dogs one who likes to sleep right up chest level with us and we both get pushed from the bed! I cant remember the last time I had sleep!!!!

Genuine question. Is it not really expensive knocking walls down?

If is not a supporting wall, no, your husband could do it himself, just knock it through, if not, someone could do it in a day for a couple of hundred quid. Get a builder into quote then you'd know it wasn't supporting. It's doubtful it is.

Have you never seen one of these diy programs? As long as not supporting he can take a sledge hammer to it.

Annoyingly, the only rooms that could be knocked through would be our room in to the bathroom, or nursery in to the bathroom. Would require a total re-jig!

Might just stick a tent in the garden!

I think a lot of couples would be happier with seperate beds. Would twin beds work?
I can cope with sharing a super king

Never watched a diy program in my life!

@Branleuse think we are going to have to get a sofa bed. Would mean moving a big heavy table and the tv every night but I guess that just comes with having a small house...

I couldn't live without my bedroom, like a giant hug when I go in and shut the door. No man smell and all my stuff.

You say you have a spare room with a wardrobe? Can you not turn that into a bedroom? Maybe get a couple single beds, move wardrobe into his room and make the spare one yours. I have a boxroom with a single bed and no room for a wardrobe but it's mine!

I’m always amazed how some people cannot understand how rooms can be very small and people cannot afford to move.