To think this parent was incredibly rude?

[Sparklyshoes16]

Just got back from supermarket today as have friends and their children coming over later that we haven't seen for ages.

I was in the pudding section and picked up a selection box of patisserie cakes and was looking at something else to get so everyone could have a bit of choice! A girl aged around 8 was next to me and was very excited about all the cakes, she went over to her Mother (who was stood talking to another woman about 2 meters away) and asked if she could have the Victoria fresh cream sponge, her Mother then very loudly said "No go and put it back now is that what you want to look like when you're older?" At which point I looked up and over and all three were staring at me!...the girl put the cake back with her head down and went back to stand next to the trolley and looked away.

The two women kept looking at me exchanged sly grins and then carried on their conversation...now I know that I need to lose weight and I am doing so in my own time and happy with the amount I've lost so far my goal is a 14-16 (as that's the size I didn't feel so unfit) I'm currently a size 26-28...I've never felt so embarrassed and wanted the ground to open up...I've had much worse said but this really got to me the other thing that got to me was the girls face she looked incredibly sad when her Mum said that. I really don't understand the need for some people to comment on other people's size?

AIBU to think that parents need to be more careful about what they project onto their children and the Mother was incredibly rude?...I can see this little girl having a lifetime of food issues.

@crisscrosscranky aww that's so lovely

Nasty shitty little people, some sort or response such as "well I can lose the weight but you will always be vapid nasty little shits" may have helped, it would me, Oh and good luck with the weight loss, sounds like your doing it the right way, stay strong and just get to where your happy!

They were incredibly rude. It's fine to have an opinion, you can think exactly what you like. Voicing that opinion is not always appropriate and in this case cruel.

When you are overweight, these comments hurt and generally are not constructive. I have been this size OP. These days I am smaller, although still overweight and not as small as I was. Most of my losses have been made through obsessive diets and issues with eating any food at all. I can empathise with your friend as I haven't really made it any smaller than 16 top, 18 bottom, despite being in calorie deficit every day, and formally exercising every day between 30 mins and 2 1/2 hours. This is not counting lengthy weekend hill walks with the dog either. My doctor and several nutritionists are befuddled. I barely lost anything in 2 months on the Cambridge plan at 600-800 calories per day. All I achieved was reducing my fitness level because I felt faint within the hour.

Did you tell them to fuck off?
You should have.

The whole body shaming situation, however it plays out, is tough. BUT, as you acknowledge up front, you know you would be healthier if there were a bit less of you, and you're working on that. It is not right that children see rude personal comments being levelled at others whether they are fat, disabled or just plain ugly... humans come on a spectrum and most of us wouldn't make it on Love Island. Finding the perfect balance is not easy though as so many people do seem to see life in black or white, rather than shades of grey. And worse, they feel entitled to criticise everyone they perceive as "worse", apparently if only to make themselves feel like Gwyneth Paltrow.

@Iseveryusernametaken ?

@Racecardriver out of interest what is a normal weight to you? Of course you should tell children not to eat too many sweets but not just for appearance...health reasons too such as rotting teeth, diabetes etc I much prefer for it to be about health than appearance that woman made the issue about my appearance...but that's just my way, others have different ways...my issue was the way it was done...there are ways to get a point across and I don't believe the way that she chose to do it was a sensible way...I know of people who have life long food issues because of this way usually their Grandmothers/Mother's were about food similar reaction to that of the woman yesterday!

There was a girl who used to scoff cakes, biscuits and sweets at uni or hide them in our cupboards before her parents came to visit because her Mother would say in front of us and others "don't eat that, that's what Heffas eat" and bun everything she was a size 12, her Mother would eat the tiniest of portions, and bought her side plates for uni not dinner plates, even in our 30s now she has massive issues with food and trying her damn hardest to not inflict those issues onto her daughter...they have very little contact with her Mother.

In all walks of life you will find people that are happy to ridicule / bully others for being.... well, for being anything really. Never ever let these people get you down. You are beautiful, inside and out.

@Iseveryusernametaken your exactly the same as my friend...she is completely baffled and so are the docs but their happy in the knowledge she's doing all the right things and maintaining her weight which is a lot harder.

I think sometimes you need to hear these things being said. It's easy to be in denial.
And justify your eating habits and weight.
Just stop eating junk. Not half a choux bun, no buns. It's easier to cut it out altogether. Cut out dairy too. And bread, you'll still get fat eating wholemeal I'm afraid to say.

@Ethsmum slimming clubs like Slimming World allow treats (syns as they call them). Weight Watchers calculate in points, and again treats are allowed. It's about being in control of the amount you're eating.

The biggest mistake is very often portion sizes and second helpings rather than occasional treats.

That poor girl (and you of course!) ignore the haters and carry on as you are.
The mother obviously has some other issues in her life that she needs to trample others

I think sometimes you need to hear these things being said. It's easy to be in denial And justify your eating habits and weight

I agree, bit like alcohol intake. Always some excuse for justification.

Children do need to have a healthy diet and good role models especially girls. So maintaining a healthy diet and weight are even more important when you have children.

She is a stupid, rude bitch. You are not.
I'm currently struggling with weight gain for the first time. It's horrible to feel self conscious. It's not something you can change overnight- and nor should you.
I'd rather have you as a friend, any day. You sound lovely.

@guest2013 wow well your entitled to eat how you like and I'm entitled to eat how I like...I was advised to do what I'm doing by a gp and a nutritionist and so far it's worked and still working. I've tried your method and that was a massive mistake, binge cravings...headaches...etc...no thanks! For me it's not easy to cut out sugar all together (there's a study about sugar being compared to being just as addictive as cocaine) but I've made changes which seem to be working well for me...blood sugar is down!

Ps I'm not in denial well not anymore hence why I have made many lifestyle changes which luckily are working like I say slowly but surely...I've lost two stone since Dec 17 with the changes I've made and kept it off that's without exercise!! Yes I do need to hear it occasionally but preferably not from a random stranger using me as teaching lesson in the middle of a supermarket!

A normal weight to me is a healthy weight that doesn't give rise to prcput ibecat risk of health problems. For me a normal weight will put me between a size 8 and a size twelve depending on how much muscle I have (I am tall so if I am any heavier it starts to affect my knees and my back).

You have made it clear that this girl you mentioned had issues because of the way her parents treated her not because of the way they reacted to fat people.

Not sure why you have bodes too many. Sugar is always bad for you. Most people can get away with eating a little but eating no refined sugars is ideal.

As for the way they hot it across the girl was very little. Not all toddlers will understand what diabetes is. Obviously as children get older one needs to teach them why being fat is bad for you but beginning with don't make yourself fat is quite reasonable.

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn why especially girls? Weight issues with boys aged 10 to 17 has increased ten fold in the past 5 years...all children need guidance but I really don't agree with the way the Mother was...@TwinMummy1510 is much better way in my opinion.

I’m a size 12-14 and I get nasty remarks from others about my weight. Sometimes I think I may appear bigger as I have a sizeable bust and broad shoulders. However, you could be the size of a mansion and it is still no ones bloody business and definitely not their place to pass any opinion on you whatsoever!!!! I am very sensitive about my weight and have a tendency to retaliate to nasty remarks. It’s a shame it took you by surprise (well why wouldn’t it?) and you couldn’t put the three bitchy playground twat wannabes in their place. I’m sorry it’s happened to you, and I honestly do feel for you. Absolute disgraceful behaviour and example on their part. There is so much ignorance in the world, please don’t let it get you down x

Sorry you had to go through that but those comments say way more about the women that it does about you. Clearly their lives have that little joy that they need to pick on someone else x

@Racecardriver the girl at uni mum had major issues with 'fat' people...referring to people as heffas and from what I can remember lumps of lard!!

The little girl who was I assumed around age 8 not a toddler...I think her Mum definitely has an issue with larger people because of the way she behaved...as far as I'm aware and from what I've read on here it's not normal regardless of size to comment on people's appearance/size etc...fine to think it but not to voice it.

Can I ask do u not eat refined sugar at all then? I'm finding now I'm becoming more aware there is 'hidden' sugars in pretty much everything food wise not just natural sugars...such as ketchup, mayo, soup, cereals, even plain oats...

I would have picked up the said Victoria Sponge, opened it and shoved it in her face (well maybe I wouldn’t but that’s what she deserved) the fucking bitch!
There’s some nasty people out there

Oh well I'm that case you are right, 8 is old enough to require a better explanation. At that age it should be about health not looks.

Re refined sugars I try not to eat them but I am addicted (have a lot of demands on me atm so not capable of cutting them out completely without affecting other areas of my life). Don't keep condiments apart from mustard at home which I use for cooking but that is more in an attempt to give my children good table manners. Obviously breads, cereals etc can have them but we try to stick to fresh baked type brown breads as much as possible (I don't eat much bread anyway so not really an issue for me). Cereals we either have proper muslei or occasional weatabix but again I don't eat weatabix so not really am issue for me. Don't have fruit juice, squash, alcohol etc. Don't have jams or jam like spreads. Peanutbutter is no added sugar. I have a real weakness for cakes and chocolates though. Cakes I have a rule that I don't eat them at home unless they are home made (at least that way I can use less sugar). Chocolate I only buy expensive chocolate so I can't afford to eat as much. I really shouldn't have these things at all (I have the bad very bad teeth, hwriditary apparently and the best I can do is try to minimise damage) but like I said I am properly addicted. I get really bad headaches if I don't have any refined sugar at all for about two weeks before I am OK without it but I often relapse when very tired hence why eat it atm.

Oh and don't put sugar in my soup/tomato based dishes etc. Don't mind if they taste a bit acidic.

That's awful, so horrible of her to have done that. Why would anyone want to hurt a stranger's feelings that way?

@Racecardriver I used to eat Dorset Muesli until I discovered just how much sugar is in them soups when I can I make my own but have the odd Heinz tin...chocolate I love bounty's but since everything has been replaced with palm oil it's put me off having chocolate I like Godiva chocolate but on a rare occasion as it's so expensive.

Wow that was incredibly rude! You were no doubt very upset

Sorry to hear that happened to you x