To think this parent was incredibly rude?

[Sparklyshoes16]

Just got back from supermarket today as have friends and their children coming over later that we haven't seen for ages.

I was in the pudding section and picked up a selection box of patisserie cakes and was looking at something else to get so everyone could have a bit of choice! A girl aged around 8 was next to me and was very excited about all the cakes, she went over to her Mother (who was stood talking to another woman about 2 meters away) and asked if she could have the Victoria fresh cream sponge, her Mother then very loudly said "No go and put it back now is that what you want to look like when you're older?" At which point I looked up and over and all three were staring at me!...the girl put the cake back with her head down and went back to stand next to the trolley and looked away.

The two women kept looking at me exchanged sly grins and then carried on their conversation...now I know that I need to lose weight and I am doing so in my own time and happy with the amount I've lost so far my goal is a 14-16 (as that's the size I didn't feel so unfit) I'm currently a size 26-28...I've never felt so embarrassed and wanted the ground to open up...I've had much worse said but this really got to me the other thing that got to me was the girls face she looked incredibly sad when her Mum said that. I really don't understand the need for some people to comment on other people's size?

AIBU to think that parents need to be more careful about what they project onto their children and the Mother was incredibly rude?...I can see this little girl having a lifetime of food issues.

Thanks bluntness, I thought that was clearly what I meant but there is so much self-deception, defensiveness and denial around this subject, as seen throughout this thread.

There's obviously no way to express it without getting jumped on and called a twat...

@lying thank you 😊 it does upset me when people think it’s just that easy, eat less, exercise more, I wish it worked that way. I have PCOS so it’s even harder for me. I have a 5 year old, I’m carer to my partner and I have a dog I walk, how much more exercise do I need? Lol I’m now having to come to terms with being diagnosed t2 diabetic, I knew it was a possibility but still a shock. Add in anxiety and past depression issues I’m kinda screwed lol I obviously get email notifications so I read a lot of posts on here and the amount of a*holes I see is scary, I joined to get advice but mostly I see people being d*ks to each other. I’m pleased to see there are some nice people on here 🙂

Gorgon Your post was twattish because you pulled up another poster on the way they were posting and expressing themselves:

Jellybubba That doesn't really work. Fat is an adjective and a noun. Fingernails is only a noun. Fat can be like fingernails - something you have. It can also be like being tall, or dark-haired, or German - something you are.

Was that not you then?

As for the rest of your post, if you want to be judgemental then at least own it. Your post was exactly that so take responsibility for it.

OP knows what size she is and her meal with friends last night was about sharing a meal together without highlighting that she's permanently cognisant of her weight. She's allowed to do that. You know, just focus on companionable eating without having to be super-aware. But no, in you march and put her straight (in your world).

I don't have much of a weight problem and I find your posts offensive by the way. There are no Oracles here. Not a one. Just people managing their weight as they see fit.

JellyBubba, You're welcome but believe me when I tell you that I can post like a dick with the rest of them. I don't though tend to fall on a poster that agrees with my dickish post, I tend to apologise instead.

People who don't realise that weight loss/management is more than just eat less/move more really need to educate themselves or just stfu when it's obvious that an OP/poster is struggling about an aspect of that.

Eat less/move more as a concept is flawed because it boils down to calories needed v calories taken in, regardless and you could, if you wanted to, keep a deficit without moving a muscle.

Dealing with the opprobrium from a judgemental public is an additional, unwanted and unnecessary challenge and that's what the OP's post was actually about.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
Treat weight loss like any other never-ending task (like housework), sometimes you'll do a bit, other days you'll have massive energy and do a spritz from top to bottom - and other days you just don't wanna... All of that is fine - just treat each day as a new day and don't let what you did yesterday influence what you'll do today; it's a new day. I love this 

@GorgonLondon Fair enough if you don't...it's something I like and will continue to have...a few months ago I made a whole meal pizza base, and various toppings with my niece with a salad then a few weekends ago we ordered a Pizza Hut and I had two slices and loads of salad I wanted it and was being sociable...I could have done my usual have 4 slices, garlic bread, wedges, wings etc but didn't I decided to just have what I fancy...I'm confused because if I invite people to come to my house and eat...I expect to eat with them and vice versa...i find it confusing to be invited to someone's house and sit there eating whilst they don't have anything and watch me eat!!

Husbands family are Irish when I first met them it was a traditional hearty Irish stew with dumplings, soda bread and for dessert a very yummy filling apple cake thing with custard! His mum had gone to a lot of trouble...I would have thought it odd to go to all that trouble and sit there and not eat with us...husband is an only child but all his cousins and Aunts were there...His family are 2nd and 3rd helpings types. We have a good mixture of friends that are English, Italian, Greek, Japanese, French (the friends who came the other night), American, Indian, Pakistani, Dutch and many more who like to socialise some go for 1st 2nd and 3rd helpings other's have a small meal but large pudding and vice versa.

My point is everybody eats differently and different things my Dutch friend eats a lot of carbs but maintains her weight...my American friend who lives in LA is into her salads and vitamin juices...when she's over here sees here as a treat to have puds...

Foods food at the end of the day...for me I've worked out it's portion sizes and making alternative choices for someone else it might be not eating sweet things or cutting back bread etc.

To be honest I'm really glad you're not my GP and nutritionist, I would never have got to where I am now with your attitude towards eating and being large.

Some pp are just so rude! I just can't believe anyone would say anything like that, but sadly there are total ignoramouses out there.

I was once out for dinner with a friend at Nando's, I suffer from a stomach condition and started feeling a but unwell so went up to the counter to get some water. Comes to my turn to he served and 2 girls, maybe 20, very skinny, push in front of me, I pointed out it was my turn and 1 of the girls turned to me and said "Like you need to eat anything else" I was totally mortified and embarrassed! At a size 18, I know I could do with losing some weight but I just can't believe anyone would say such a thing!

Don't let that bitch get you down, I'm sure you look amazing xx

What utter twunts. I think it's depressing that people like this, who are basically bullies, exist. Ignore the bitches.

Eating pizza at a restaurant occasionally really isn't a major problem. (Of course if you did that every week it would be another matter.) As long as you eat sensibly the rest of the time, you can treat yourself occasionally and still lose weight. It's about being in control of how much you're eating.

Gosh, I'm speaking for her again, but I really didn't think gorgon was saying have friends for dinner and don't eat with them.

Maybe it was more you can have friends for dinner and not serve cream cakes for pudding. I don't know. But I do know having friends for dinner doesn't mean we can't make healthy choices. For example a light meringue , fruit, sorbet, are all healthier choices than cream cakes.

Op, you're fine, you have it under control, and can manage your portion sizes, you're losing weight and it works for you, but many folks find that difficult when faced with things like cream cakes and pizza and the reality is you can have some lovely desserts that are much healthier choices.

What a stupid nasty bitch to make that comment firstly, and secondly to socially embarrass her daughter Like that. I knew someone like that - very unhappy lady, only seemed to get pleasure putting others down.
Try to dismiss her comment and think how happy your kids are having a lovely treat.
Well done on your weight loss so far too. Just keep on your own journey don't let supermarket wench define you x

@Bluntness100 I only got those cream cakes because I was treating my friends to something special as we haven't seen them for ages and when I asked her what does she fancy for dessert (as they always serve a dessert when they have guests) she said something creamy if I have a dessert it's usually yogurt with tinned or fresh fruit...or maybe two Jaffa cakes (not the whole pack like I used to ) with a cuppa not every night obviously just when I fancy it.

Honestly sparkly, you don't need to justify it, as said, you've lost two stones and are doing brilliantly. You are working hard to control it, and that's not easy.

I think I'm just defending gorgon, in this instance I really don't think she was being horrible, she stated she didn't think it was acceptable to insult people but that there is some personal responsibility required.

I get that, we can all make healthier choices, and sometimes faced with unhealthy choices we can struggle to control our consumption. I guess I just don't like people being attacked when I don't think the intention was malicious, and in this instance I genuinely don't think she was being malicious.

My own weight has gone from everything to a ten to a size sixteen being tight and I know what it's like to make bad food choices.

And for the record, I'm shit with user names,I think I may have disagreed with gorgon on another thread. So I'm being totally honest when I step in here and look at it cold.

It's very easy to be offended by someone's comments when we feel defensive, and sometimes, it takes someone looking at it cold to say, I don't think that's what was intended. In this instance, I don't think she was trying to be offensive but making an observation.

@Bluntness100 I see your point and may be being defensive and have my guard up I'll accept that...however some of Gorgons comments are quite sharp and should be challenged.

I have very supportive friends that care about me and are the ones that encourage me to eat what I want but in moderation that has helped more than anything compared to the attitude "you are size 26/28 you shouldn't eat" ok Gorgon hasn't said that but feels like she is implying this.

At the end of the day weight loss/gain/maintaining is a bloody struggle we've established the woman a few days ago was vile and didn't go the best way about educating her daughter!

They'll always be people who harp on about it being my fault and in some ways it is...but there are other contributing factors I wish Gorgon and a few others would understand.

Ah well I will keep trying and if I have a wobble (luckily none since I started) I.e gorging on food I just start afresh that day/next day etc until I feel good again.

I haven't read all the comments, but what they said was abusive. To showcase and encourage such thinking and behaviour in ones child is frankly criminal. Bullies and failing in their duty of care, sucks to be them.

Unbelievably rude! In front of her children too, what sort of example is the woman setting to them.

I feel so cross with that woman and sorry you had to endure such a display of bad manners.

OP I haven't RTFT.

Sorry to hear about what happened to you. You may be overweight but at least you are not an awful person like that other woman and aren't teaching your children such horrible life lessons.

I think it's good that you're losing weight gradually, @Sparklyshoes16 that will ultimately make it more likely that you will be able to maintain your weight once you get to your goal. I'm speaking as someone who has always been a yo-yo dieter, because I get obsessive about my dieting and then can't keep it up when I've lost the weight.

Uncalled for and down right nasty.
I would of said back rather be my size than have a mouth like yours.

Wow, when I read the title of this thread I was not expecting that! What a group of absolute cunts!

To be honest, all the discussion about obesity, fat, responsibility etc is irrelevant in this situation.

What that woman said to her little girl in front of the OP was totally unnecessary and uncalled for, and are the words of someone really fucking nasty.

Yeah that's far beyond incredibly rude into a whole special realm of vile.

This reminds me of the thread where the lady did 50 lengths at the swimming pool and head girls laughing at her weight in the changing room. Some people are just plain nasty. You can't stick a flower in an arsehole and call it a vase.

@Lizzie48 that's exactly how I was a few years ago I got down to a 20-22 I did that shake thing what everyone was going mad over (I got sucked into buying it off an ex friend who was into one of those MLM things) how ever within three months my weight shot back up it was just impossible to keep it going and I lost being able to taste

Now is a different story as everything I'm doing has been advised by a qualified dietician/nutritionist who started me off on a great book called carbs and Cals for diabetics I'm not diabetic but on the brink of being type 2 it's really helped with understanding portion sizes and control.

@RosaMallory

Awwwww that’s horrendous! Terrible message to send to a child. It’s 💔ing for so many reasons. And for the people saying ‘there’s an element of truth to it’ I am honestly baffled. Bullying is never EVER ok. AND I’m petite. Usually a size 8, sometimes a 6 and maybe a 10 rarely and I eat the cake!!! I’d be there the same as you picking out a selection of cakes, making a spag bol and enjoying socialising with my friends.

Nasty, vile piece of work. She’s someone’s mum!!!! Poor kid/s 😘

What a nasty woman - OP you are so much better than her - ignore the nasty vile comment and hold your head high.