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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this parent was incredibly rude?

275 replies

Sparklyshoes16 · 25/07/2018 15:20

Just got back from supermarket today as have friends and their children coming over later that we haven't seen for ages.

I was in the pudding section and picked up a selection box of patisserie cakes and was looking at something else to get so everyone could have a bit of choice! A girl aged around 8 was next to me and was very excited about all the cakes, she went over to her Mother (who was stood talking to another woman about 2 meters away) and asked if she could have the Victoria fresh cream sponge, her Mother then very loudly said "No go and put it back now is that what you want to look like when you're older?" At which point I looked up and over and all three were staring at me!...the girl put the cake back with her head down and went back to stand next to the trolley and looked away.

The two women kept looking at me exchanged sly grins and then carried on their conversation...now I know that I need to lose weight and I am doing so in my own time and happy with the amount I've lost so far my goal is a 14-16 (as that's the size I didn't feel so unfit) I'm currently a size 26-28...I've never felt so embarrassed and wanted the ground to open up...I've had much worse said but this really got to me the other thing that got to me was the girls face she looked incredibly sad when her Mum said that. I really don't understand the need for some people to comment on other people's size?

AIBU to think that parents need to be more careful about what they project onto their children and the Mother was incredibly rude?...I can see this little girl having a lifetime of food issues.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/07/2018 08:49

ManorGreyhound "... but it is all too easy for a person to distance themselves from their obesity by blaming childhood experiences."

And that is what you did say and was the point that I was talking about.

recklessruby · 26/07/2018 09:20

She had no right to be such a bitch, OP. What a shame she's too mean to let her little girl have an innocent treat. Is she going to go round her friends mums houses criticising their food and figures when the girl is invited to tea?
Rude and immature and potentially damaging.
Good luck with your weight loss and don't let her get you down.
Tbh she sounds like a nightmare parent

RiceButt · 26/07/2018 09:53

This reminds me of a time when I was on holiday in France with DH. We were walking down a street in a very quie town with a mum and two children walking towards us. The mum said to her kids in english "that's what you will look like if you eat too many sweets."

I was Shock at the rudness and her ignorance that because I was in France she assumed I wasn't English and I could understand every word she said the stupid bint! I wish I said something to her at the time.

I never understood the need for people to comment on other people's appearance. I'm fat, I know it, I don't need you telling me.

I'm sorry you experienecd this.

Original poster
Sparklyshoes16 · 26/07/2018 10:22

@RiceButt Shock wow how rude...I'm shocked but not shocked as the more I'm hearing these stories and had it said the more it makes me sad that children have these views inflicted on them.

When I went to my nieces healthy eating day it was really lovely as they didn't talk about being fat/thin-this what you'll look like it was all about healthy eating and what makes your body feel good, sugary things were on there but they had an emphasis on portion sizes for those not ban them all together which I loved a huge plate in reception as you walk in with all the vegetables/meats/sweets they'd hand made...I love how the school promotes you can eat what you want but eat more of these (leafy greens, pulses etc and less of the sugary stuff) swop this for this etc which she loves doing in the supermarket with me...I wish all schools promoted this as they've seen a significant reduction in bullying as they don't don't focus on body shapes/sizes it's about what you eat and the exercise they do a 1/2 a mile run/walk/jog/skip every morning before class.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklyshoes16 · 26/07/2018 10:38

As a Class that should have said!

Thank you everyone for your replies...I do feel better knowing that deep down there's way more normal nice people that have manners and are supportive. Of course they will always be those who make sly/snide comments...I suppose I just feel sorry for them.

Like I have said I am doing my weight loss thing for me in my own time as I'm not happy about my health and size (it would be lovely to get back into a pair of my old Levi's) some people feel the same some don't it's up to them and those who make nasty, judgemental comments on people's shape/size need to zip their beaks and leave people alone to do their own thing...not justify their rudeness through their own insecurities.

OP posts:
africasez · 26/07/2018 10:40

That is disgusting. I'm so sorry you were made to feel like that. That's not acceptable xxx

asqueezeoflime · 26/07/2018 10:42

She's vile. Not just to you but to her own daughter. What a horrible person.

startingagain13 · 26/07/2018 17:27

That is disgraceful behaviour from that woman and sooooo bad for her child's development. She ought to be absolutely ashamed of herself!!! She is probably very insecure.

Motherofajuggernaut · 26/07/2018 17:36

I too am a fuller figure woman and I am fat positive. I really feel awful for you. Fat shaming pure and simple, and awful parenting to boot! Horrible cows. I had two young blokes behind me the other day shouting "Beep Beep beep caution this vehicle is reversing in town the other day" I shook my arse at them and blew them a kiss. Thier problem with my weight is Thier problem. I won't tell them I felt like crying when I got home..bug love to you xxx

peachdribble · 26/07/2018 17:42

What shallow nasty bits of crap some people are. Sorry you went through that x

Katherine2626 · 26/07/2018 17:46

There was a post recently from a lady who was at a swimming pool and had a similar experience. These people are simply not worth bothering about - if their entertainment in life is trying to wipe the smile off the faces of others and make them unhappy then they must be twisted morons who will never know what it is to have a good friend or a decent feeling. As others have said - you are on a diet and are changing but they have ugly personalities and seemingly no hope!

M3lon · 26/07/2018 18:00

hmm that's a 'oh I don;t know, let her have a cake, its far worse to grow up bitchy and cruel than to put on a bit of weight'

Mumto2two · 26/07/2018 18:02

What an utterly vile thing to say! So sorry OP. It’s not acceptable Flowers

teediebellsmum · 26/07/2018 18:11

Relax in the knowledge that you can loose weight but that women will always be a poisonous nasty arsehole.

TwinMummy1510 · 26/07/2018 18:20

I've seen a couple of comments on here about the importance of teaching children not to overeat because it will make their tummies fat....

I don't agree with this at all to be honest. When I talk to my children about eating, nutrition etc, I approach it entirely from the perspective of health. I don't mention physical appearance and it's working well for us. My daughter is pretty sensitive (query on the autistic spectrum) and my son is autistic. I don't want them constantly scrutinising their bodies to check to see if any part of them is fatter than it should be. I don't think that's healthy and the way my children are, could easily lead to obsession and anxiety.

I've told them we need to look after our bodies to keep us well, fit and active. I've put on a bit of weight and am currently working to get rid of it, and my motivation for this has been that it's not as easy to run around in the park with them as it used to be. I can't deny that it would be nice if my arse didn't look quite as huge in summer dresses as it does now, but primarily I want to feel fit again.

My ds and dd are slim and have a healthy attitude to food. They eat a good diet, and this includes the occasional McDonald's etc. They also achieve some thing I've never been able to - stopping halfway through a chocolate bar because they've had enough.....!!! I have an amazing ability to determinedly chomp on and eat the entire bar even when it's making me feel sick.....hence the huge arse. Confused Wink

Feelthethunder · 26/07/2018 18:20

That's a horrible thing to say.

The cheek of some people.

Please don't allow this women's comments to make you feel bad, she has the problem, not you.

You have every right to go about your day without people's nasty comments.

Unfortunately some people are on a whole different planet when it comes to manners and respect.

Arian1 · 26/07/2018 18:22

I develpoed an eating disorder after being married to a complete git. Every time i got a new marriage proposal i would stuff my face with chocolate, and pray the proposals would stop.Needless to say, i enjoyed having the eating disorder very much. So having got fat, thinking no one would marry me, the fatter i got... i started getting loads of proposals from men who liked rounder women. That completely cured me of my eating disorder.
Just remember, you will always be beatiful whatever your weight is,
But personalities like the one you came across in the supermarket!! theres no cure for...

ConstanceVigilance · 26/07/2018 18:27

So sorry.. Why do people have to be like that? What is the point?

I am the same size as you OP and I had a similar experience. I was on Oxford Street about to go into a meeting with a new client. I hadn't had time for lunch so had bought one of those cake slices in Boots, and was standing on the pavement eating it.

A woman who was walking past with some friends stopped and came up to me. I thought she was asking for directions or something. But no.. she pointed at the cake, looked at me, and make pig grunting noises. I was too shocked to respond. Just what you want when you are about to go into an important meeting.

Seriously, what is the point? WHY DO STRANGERS CARE WHAT I EAT?? OK, it wasn't the healthiest of lunches.. but WHY DO YOU CARE? You are not my family, who perhaps do have the right to express their concern. Same in your case OP, there were a hundred other ways she could have told her daughter she was not having the cake, why make a personal attack on a stranger?

Perhaps it's because being overweight is an obvious 'vice' that can be seen... never mind the fact that I don't smoke, am almost teetotal. But even so, why do they have to voice it?

Sorry, rant over!

Bluntness100 · 26/07/2018 18:30

I think what I take away from this is your comments that you wanted to eat the cake right away and could have come home and gorged yourself. As such, clearly there is a messed up relationship with food there. Someone comments on your appearance and it makes you want to eat more.

I get you controlled it but it's a sign that something is very wrong.

The woman is irrelevant. Of course it was rude, you are not a cautionary tale for her daughter, what's more important is your own relationship with food. Not her and her child's. Focus on yourself not them.

You seem to be trying to change it, but I wonder if there is more help you can receive, in terms of therapy and understanding why you have the reactions you do.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/07/2018 18:43

Yes she was incredibly rude and nasty, and in front of her young dd, what a good example she is setting, a lifetime of body issues for her.

Lovemusic33 · 26/07/2018 18:48

theres a element of truth in it
Of course there is but you don’t say things like that, yes ‘eating Cakes can make you fat’ but pointing that out by commenting on a strangers weight is just vile.

My kids always ask for sugary food and occasionally I say ‘if you keep eating rubbish food you will get fat’ because the truth is you will. I would never point at someone and say ‘you will end up like that’.

MrsPeel · 26/07/2018 18:52

I would have felt inclined to say "And you are ignorant tosspots but at least I can lose weight"

Aeroflotgirl · 26/07/2018 18:53

I think op knows she is large, she does not need to be told by total strangers.

Bigchair · 26/07/2018 18:53

Unbelievable. How bloody rude.

Original poster
Sparklyshoes16 · 26/07/2018 18:59

@ConstanceVigilance  utterly disgusting...just utterly despicable what on Earth was going through that person's head?? I would really like to know what on Earth was that person thinking just  I'm so sorry that has happened and to everyone else these horrible experiences have happened to as well 

@Bluntness100 no I was shopping for a meal and looking for desserts to have afterwards with some friends that came over. I wanted to turn round to the two women and shove the cream doughnut in my mouth to say 'stick that up your backsides' but I didn't and in the old days I would have gone home and gorged on the whole box...for a flash second I had that thought of gorging but decided it's not worth it...had my half a choux bun last night and my other half this evening.

I know exactly where my issues started with food (see post earlier on thread) along with a few other things like a brother that used to draw pictures of pigs/cows and stick them all around the house with my name attached to them and a whole heap of other things.

Counselling is not what I need I'm turning things around slowly but surely and re-educating myself about healthy eating...I can highly recommend 'weight loss resources and my fitness pal' they've really helped me with understanding portion sizes, nutrition and not 'depriving' myself of things and the weight for the first time ever is staying stable and staying off.

OP posts:
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