Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to ask if I can change my child’s personality

164 replies

Milkshakeminer · 24/07/2018 23:17

I know it sounds awful. I know how horrible I am and nothing you can say can make me feel worse so...
My son is 8. He has a diagnosis of autism, pda and severe anxiety.
He’s horrible, violent, aggressive, rude, nasty, messy, controlling and I don’t like him.
Is it too late to try and change him into a nicer person? If not how do I do it?
I’ve been a single parent for most of his life, have no family and no friends, he’s been excluded from every school so is home 24/7 I’m 30 and the thought that this is it for the rest of my life makes me want to kill myself.
I’ve been to gp, autism outreach, paediatrician, camhs, local education authority and pretty much everyone told me I’m doing fine and there’s nothing they can do.
Please, please help me be a better parent and raise a better child Sad

OP posts:
Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 00:25

I was told when he was 2 that he was severely disabled and would never talk and never be able to live a normal life.
I spent 4 years studying online for childcare and autism specialist qualifications as well as speech and language practices just so I could help him, I have level 4 qualifications just so I can be the best mum to him I can be. My proudest achievement is that he can talk, he cant have a conversation and babbles/echos a lot but he can talk at you and ask for things. Every professional said he was non verbal and wanted me to have counselling for being unable to accept it. I feel like they’ve been giving up on him since he was a baby and if I give up on him he’ll have no one but I’m so, so tired and struggling so much and the sad thing is if I hadn’t spent all of my time/money/energy on trying to help him then maybe the professionals would be helping me now and I don’t have anything left to give. Knowing what I should do and could do is one thing but I can barely get out of bed in the mornings

OP posts:
Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 00:28

Frayedhem they we’re very particular that he didn’t have a named school, it just says ‘mainstream with support’ so he gets passed from one to another.
Do homestart help with older children? A lot of help seems to be for under 5s
Sorry for my ramblings, I’ve no-one to talk to so it’s good to let it out!

OP posts:
safetyfreak · 25/07/2018 00:30

I am training to be a social worker and I promise you, our aim is to not take children away from their parents, especially in your case where it sounds like your a loving mother who is struggling with a challenging child.

Honestly, there are a lack of resources so at the moment you are doing 'ok' so they will leave you to it until you crack.

You can contact social services and tell them you are not coping, you are getting no external support, your son is physically aggressive towards you and you desperately need help. They can access resources that you are not able to obtain at the moment.

However, of course you can also take some other posters helpful advice but it depends on your strength of you being proactive. Remember you are being fobbed off and your child has a right to an education in an school.

Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 00:32

Thankyou cornishcleo I suppose I know that social services very rarely actually take children from their families but you hear one horror story and that’s what sticks in your head!

OP posts:
BlackCloudofGloom · 25/07/2018 00:34

The truth is, you're doing fine at looking after your son. No one else understands him the way you do, so you're the best person to care for him most of the time. He doesn't really NEED an education - I mean, not trying to be hurtful, but he's not going to be out looking for a job in 10 years' time, is he? He just needs someone to make his life as bearable as it can be. But you simply cannot go on, and on, and on, and on... sacrificing yourself day after day and stuffing yourself with pills is not the answer - you desperately need a break, and some fun, and personal development time, and a chance to chat with happy people without someone screaming in your ear. I would come and help you, but I live on an island and don't visit the mainland very often. If you're in the North west, Scope offers befriending service for parents of kids with disabilities. But I really feel if you make enough fuss, social services will organise some cover care so you can get out now and then. Failing that, how about setting up a crowdfunding charity through JustGiving (?) to pay for professional nurses to come and care for him for one afternoon a week? Even a couple of hours off would be gold. I wish you luck.

Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 00:35

safetyfreak you’re probably right, I’m good at appearing ok and I know it sounds silly but my life has always been incredibly hard, even as a child so I’m used to just trying to get through each day without crying or asking for help

OP posts:
Wholikesshortshorts · 25/07/2018 00:36

@Milkshakeminer their website says it's mainly for families with the youngest under 5's but some areas have funding to provide help for older children so might be worth giving them a call to see if your area can help.

Sorry I don't have anything more helpful to offer. You sound like a wonderful supportive mum.

Curious2468 · 25/07/2018 00:37

Support in this country for autism is shocking. It isn’t fair on you or your son and I know the frustration of being told there is support it there when the reality is you get passed round in circles making little progress and just wearing yourself out even more. Home Ed with Sen is draining (I have 2 with autism). Persevere with online home ed groups. Locally I would say a good half of the kids have Sen of one sort of another (mostly autism because our area is shocking for provision and like you a lot end up with no choice). Sending you hugs

Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 00:38

Thankyou blackcloudofdoom
I’ve been on anti depressants for a third of my life, I don’t know who I’d be without them!
Off the subject but how difficult is it living on a island? I always think it would be amazing but also difficult

OP posts:
FrayedHem · 25/07/2018 00:39

They really are fuckers aren't they. I don't think a tribunal would be amused by that either. How long has it said mainstream plus support for?

It's abundantly clear you've done everything as you can as a parent to help your son gain new skills. He's made amazing progress and I hope you're proud. You are being badly let down by the LA who have a responsibility to provide your son with a suitable education. That is absolutely not your fault. It is not uncommon either. But you will need to regain the upper hand by getting as informed as possible on EHCPs reviews, placements and appeals. It probably sounds very daunting, but if you post on the SN boards there are parents and carers on there who have been through similar. You can do this!

Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 00:44

curious2468 thankyou, I feel like when I say I’ve tried something people think I haven’t tried hard enough but it is difficult.
We’ve tried a few different groups but haven’t found anyone in the same boat, I don’t drive either so I rely on things that are local. Maybe I just haven’t found that group yet. If you live in Leicestershire will you be my friend please lol

OP posts:
Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 00:50

Thank you frayedhem he started preschool at 2 and within 2 weeks had full time 1-2-1 support and funding (amazing how fast things happen when the school needs help!) back then it was a statement of special needs. Then foundation stage still full time 1-2-1 but he spent the last half of it at home after exclusions and ‘reduced timetables’ year 1 he was put back a year, off timetable, off curriculum, given an iPad and full time 1-2-1 and managed 2 weeks before exclusion, he had 8 fixed term exclusions and was put on reduced timetable for an hour a day for the last 2 terms.
Strangely (or not) his 1-2-1 still worked full time and I’m sure they still had his funding. Beginning of year 2 he assaulted a member of staff and it all came to a head really. So 4 years in total mainstream with 1-2-1 support if you include preschool.

OP posts:
bebanjo · 25/07/2018 00:54

Hi Milk,
Have you contacted banardos? I used to do restbite for family's in similar situations, it was years ago so don't know if they still do that sort of thing.
I only ever had kids for the day but it would be something.
Other than that, if you want him in school and no one will play ball, maybe write to your local MP, see if they can help.

Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 00:55

Oh and despite having full time 1-2-1 he wasn’t allowed to do any other activity unless I was there to support him so I had to go in relatively often to support him!

OP posts:
Cauliflowersqueeze · 25/07/2018 00:56

We had a boy on the autistic spectrum at our school about 7 years ago. His autism was quite mild compared with your son’s but he absolutely couldn’t cope in mainstream and by the time it got to about mid way through year 8 it became really obvious that it was causing him a massive amount of stress.

I cannot tell you how aggressively we had to fight the LA (with his parents) to get a paid place at a residential school which suited him perfectly. He absolutely loved it there and has hugely flourished.

I’m only saying this because honestly if that child can get the level of support we got him, your son definitely can. You need some strong pals on your side helping you to get him back at the front of everyone’s thoughts. At the moment you are doing “ok” (probably brilliant by anyone else’s standards!) and so they will be diverting attention to someone else. You will get lots of good advice here - you might feel alone but you truly aren’t

FrayedHem · 25/07/2018 00:56

It's madness this LA are determined to continue with mainstream plus support, particularly when he's not even attending school. Have a look at what these schools offer: www.priorychildrensservices.co.uk/

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/07/2018 00:57

The very first thing that you need to accept is that none of this is in any way your 'fault' and neither is it your son's fault. There also isn't any need at all for you to feel guilty for your feelings towards him - I'm sure you know that it's his conditions and needs that are causing such upset and frustration, not the boy himself.

Depending on circumstances (assuming he's still alive), I'd say there could well be plenty of fault lying with his other parent for not supporting you or his son, though....

He has the diagnoses, and they know full well what his needs are. Even if they DID for some outrageous reason think you an unfit mother, they are deliberately failing their responsibilities to help you cope with his needs, despite your persistence, so are in no position to judge you negatively - and if they don't want to help you, they're very unlikely to want to take him away so that he (his conditions and needs obviously) becomes entirely their 'problem'.

Not that it helps you at all, but your determination and managing to just about struggle through against all odds might actually be being used against you by them as an excuse to brush him under the carpet.

I know you probably won't want the attention, but you may have to start being less 'reasonable' about it. Get everything in writing wherever you can and put the ball into their court. If they say what he needs, ask them how they propose to arrange for this. If they say that it's another department/body's responsibility, ask them which specifically named person they're going to refer his case on to. If they say that it's not their responsibility, ask them exactly what/why it isn't and what kinds of scenarios WOULD be their responsibility. Go to the local press, contact your MP, Twitter-storm them if possible. Keep making it crystal-clear that you are a loving parent, but you are not a professional with the qualifications or indeed the responsibility to meet his educational needs. You will comply with their acceptable solutions all the way, of course, but you cannot and will not take the ultimate responsibility for doing their job.

Make it abundantly clear that your son has life-limiting disabilities and that, under the Equality Act 2010 and the United Nations (UN) Convention on disability rights, he has a clearly-defined legal right to be protected from discrimination in access to education, among other things. Every department that fobs you off without a 100% clear declaration in writing that none of the responsibility for action or referral relating to your son's specific needs legally lies with them (and why), ask them to whom you would need to complain for their apparent breach of this law designed to protect the rights of the most vulnerable people in society - and make it clear that you will report them and go public, even if they try and brush you off and make it difficult for you to do so.

You sound like an absolutely amazing and caring mum. Plenty of lone parents struggle a lot, even with perfectly healthy children without any complicating conditions or additional needs. You should not have to be fighting these battles on top of everything else you have to cope with in daily life. As far as you can, shame and expose these heartless, unfit authorities into actually doing their jobs and don't let them heap any blame or shame on to you. You're doing an outstanding job and your son is very lucky to have such a determined advocate for him and his needs.

Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 01:02

Thank you bebanjo I’ll have a look!
It’s not so much I want him at school. As a pp said he’s not going to need a standard education and the schools he’s been to haven’t been great! I suppose what I want is for him to listen to me, not trash everything, not hit/bite/hurt me or the pets, sleeping and being potty trained would be amazing too! Although talking to everyone on here has made me more sympathetic to him and his struggles.
I worry about him so much because he doesn’t have friends and the only person he has (me) doesn’t like him right now, although obviously I don’t let him know that. But if I forced him into having friends would he appreciate it or just struggle with it/be bullied.
And as he grows if he doesn’t have an education or work or friends or family (except me) what will he have?

OP posts:
Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 01:06

Thankyou cauliflower I really thought I’d be slated for my post, everyone has been so lovely, even though it’s not physical help it’s helping my mentality a lot x
I agree frayedhem and the excuse that it wouldn’t be fair on the other children if he went to special school just seems absurd to me. I’ve spoken with a lot of schools, he’s too special for mainstream and obviously can’t cope. He doesn’t have the learning difficulties/educational difficulties for some special schools and has too many difficulties for others!

OP posts:
TrudeauGirl · 25/07/2018 01:08

I'm sorry I don't have advice as I have no experience with this. But I just wanted to tell you that you sound like an amazing parent and a good person.

I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope you can get the help you need. Feel free to message me if you ever just need a random chat or vent.

Flowers
Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 01:14

webuiltthisbuffet we built this city is my sons favourite song Smile
Thank you so much, I need to put my big girl pants on don’t I. My whole personality is try not to get noticed so it will be difficult but if it helps my son that’s the main thing.
His dad was abusive and after taking me to court ending up losing his right to see ds and having an injunction stopping even indirect contact, it was a difficult time but overall quite satisfying after all the horrible things he did that he started the court process and lost.
I had a very abusive childhood and although I ended up putting myself and my son through a rough time in leaving his dad I know I did the right thing and I hope ds didn’t realise and won’t remember any of it.
I’m definitely taking notes and will make a plan

OP posts:
Milkshakeminer · 25/07/2018 01:15

Thank you so much trudeaugirl

OP posts:
Fuckingnamechanging · 25/07/2018 01:22

I can't do anything to help you Milkshake.
I just wanted to tell you that I think you're bloody amazing Flowers

Ohthatiswhy · 25/07/2018 01:26

milk you are doing brilliantly. In answer to your question - no you can’t change your son’s personality but you can continue to love and support him as you clearly have been doing all these years.

The continuous fight for education/health/support is relentless. You need respite. Give yourself permission to put aside all other concerns for 1 week and concentrate on how to get regular respite. It’s difficult as the mind jumps from health to sleep to ‘what happens when I die’ to education etc

You are obviously very able and have been fighting hard for your son. Put all your energy into solving the issue of respite.

And don’t worry about not liking him right now, kids get on your tits from time to time with or without SN.

Focus on respite and it will give you the space you need to carry on x

Sshhbear · 25/07/2018 01:33

I really feel for you Milkshakeminor. I have a son who has moved out now but we had a very difficult time with him from age 3 onwards. He's 20 now and in all honesty, not doing all that great in the big bad world. While not diagnosed with anything in particular, he had ongoing issues that resulted in him being expelled from most schools and at home, he was a nightmare in most repects. Hubby and I almost didn't make it. I used to spend all of my home life screaming and the house in general was just such an anxiety ridden place, it was quite toxic for years.
A couple of things you could try.
Diet - I know this is tricky at his age but we had about 3 months of bliss around the same age when we put our son on a preservative, colour and sugar free diet for a few months. The school was amazed (as was I) at the difference it made. Our downfall with this successful approach was that once he got to a certain age, he started sneaking food and stealing other kids lunches to get his fix but if you can control that, you might find a big difference.
Valerian tincture daily (via a naturapath). Now, this didn't work for us however, I know a lot of people who had amazing results with their kids with this. Well worth researching.
Bonus information: Things that didn't work

  • Boarding school (absolute disaster and very expensive)
  • Hard core boot camp (leaders couldn't help him and said this openly)
  • Reward schemes (worked temporarily)
  • Punishments (much the same as the reward schemes)
I wish you all the best with your son and hope you find something that helps. One thing I didn't try but should have was Hippotherapy (getting them involved with horses) - that would be well worth considering too.