to think she's trying to steal my child

[Herringb0ne]

Hiya. Single mum to DS7 here. Have been a single mum from pretty much birth.

Dad has a new partner who he has been with for a number of years. I have gone out of my way to be friendly and inclusive, we have group facebook chat for arrangements, I get her birthday and Christmas presents, etc. In return I am treated like an inconvenience.

They now have a child together, DS7s half sibling.

She has on her Instagram profile that she is a 'Happy mother of two boys!!!' and so help me god I have not been able to rest about it. She is NOT MY SONS MOTHER. But nobody else thinks this is weird. I tried to raise it with Dad and he shrugged it off and said I was being sensitive.

DS7 later told me that she has told him to call her Mummy as it is apparently 'confusing' to his half-sibling (who is not old enough to talk......) if he calls her by name. I am incensed.

AIBU? He's MY SON.

Oh - I would also tell the school your concerns. Get your story in there first, express your concerns, and ask them to let you know if he is upset or if there is any nonsense game playing from ex’s partner. If there is any query from there, a reminder that you are his mother and primary carer should, regardless of appearances, do the trick.

Calm, Herringb0ne, you are the primary carer and his biological mother. Nobody can take that away from you. He is well loved and cared for by you, isn’t he? That cannot be disputed. Be calm in all interactions with Disney stepmum, don’t let her see you lose the plot, but do speak to your ex and be extremely explicit with him as to how angry you are with her very inappropriate behaviour/manner of interacting with YOUR child.

No effing way would I tolerate anyone telling MY kids to call them mum!!!
OP you sound like you’ve been really cool about the whole thing, pleasant re contact etc.
This is totally out of order!
Your son is 7 which I think is old enough to make his own mind up about what to call her, but mum is definitely not an option!
If she persists then I would have a quiet word.
Also DH is being is being a dick

@notsurprisedatall I honestly think it is.

Darling she as a mum to him
Eh? That doesn't even make sense as English, aside from the meaning!

@Toads

wiggles toes in DMs

@Miseri good idea re school!

Called it!!

.

In all seriousness, as said above , get the school involved. Speak to the Family Liaison officer or equivalent. Start your diary of every issue, however small. An audit trail is your friend.

Divide and conquer with your ex. Only speak or communicate with him. Deliberately keep her out of the loop. You co-parent with ex not her.

Captain Laura Ashley has a medical history that can't be revoked. You are the residential caregiver and that can't be denied.

Also, robo GTF and when you get there... mumsnetters will be familiar

OP, your ex brings nothing to your son's life except misery, because he isn't looking out for his welfare.
Please stop your child from going and wait for him to ask to go, if he does.
If your ex isn't on the bc just fuck him off, let him take you to court, but not before speaking to ss about the emotional manipulation from this woman.
Seek legal advice, and slowly limit communication.

^^ this

Friends ex's wife did this with my friend's kids and, sorry to say, she was successful.

Friend's fault was not fully realising what a very real threat she was, my friend just didn't believe this woman was as diabolical as she actually is. So you're one (crucial) step ahead of us at least - we all said "don't worry, your kids will know who their real mother is" etc etc - all those platitudes - but we didn't fully realise to what extend the psycho was seducing our friend's kids. Think grooming.

I absolutely mean it when I ask if it's possible for you to move to the other side of the world away? She is emotionally seducing your boy and I'd (quietly and resolutely) be making major enquiries about this on every front possible: GP, school, health visitor, womens aid, nspcc, etc.

(Trouble is, you don't want to look a psycho yourself against Mrs plausible psycho so perhaps go undercover with your enquiries. It's hard to get the balance right.)

But take this seriously - bcs it is serious 💐

Robo you're really fucking out of line.

I would email your ex your concerns, tell him you only wish to discuss it via email because you don't want the little one to hear it.

Then you have a response and evidence. You need to keep it all. I would speak to social services.

I honestly think she is going to encourage your ex to cut you out. Keep all evidence you can, screenshots, texts, emails. I think you're going to need them if you don't take it to court first.

Hey Robo, what would Jesus do?

If you genuinely think that is helpful/proportionate advice robo then it’s you who needs professional help!

Manner, Robo. At least spell your uninformed patronising bollocks correctly.

i'm ignoring Robo, he wants attention.

My sons father is actually brilliant. He's just also seduced by Plausible Psycho. But to remove him entirely would be unfair, but yes he does need to step up to the plate on this one.

I have jimmied the summer hols so he spends 80% with me - its usually 50/50 - and am cutting their contact back while I deal with this. Just to put the boundaries back in place, and reclaim my child.

You have separated, your DC are potentially going to have 2 mummies and 2 daddies now. I think you should be grateful she actually cares about your child. I find its pretty normal amongst families now.