How do I stop my husband being a financial bastard?

[WhatAnAbsolutePenis]

Back ground - we’re married, 2 kids and live in a rented flat. He inherited a house from a friend which he decided to rent out. That’s been rented out for about 3 weeks now and he gets over 1k a month for it.
He works full time and I’m a student in the NHS, including placements and full time uni all year round and I work as well.

Before he inherited this house, we had a shared account for bills and rent. He put in about £600ish a month and I put in £400 and we used to get tax credits.

We are no longer entitled to tax credits.

He has a few weeks ago thrown in my face that he pays for everything. Food, bills and rent.

We had an argument today and he’s done it again. Obviously he puts a significant amount in now because he gets the rent and has to replace the tax credits that we are no longer entitled to.

We just had an argument about the front door (he loves to bitch about the flat. I’ve lived here for years before we were married and he makes it clear that it isn’t up to his standards, the Windows, the kitchen, the bathroom, the front door etc eyc) and yet again he threw in my face that only he pays the rent.

I told him fuck the fuck off and don’t come home tonight.

I’m perfectly fucking capable of paying the rent without him. He can move out. Problem solved.

What exactly does he expect me to do, ditch my degree and my career, somehow inherit a house just so we can be on an even keel with money?!

What kind of absolute bastard throws this in their wife’s face every time they have any argument?

The house has only been rented out for 3 weeks, is this it now? This being thrown in my face every 10 seconds?

Wow! What a knobhead.

I think your stance and words are a perfect response to his increadible unreasonableness.

Wow - he just doesn’t get it does he? Not sure what to advise but l am so glad you’re calling Him out on this.

If he doesn't like the flat, say to him, 'Fine find something better' or 'Right what is your solution, then?'. Regarding finances, you are married so they are joint. Added to this not all contributions are financial. How is the division of labour between you?

Yanbu.
It’s really sad he views it like this rather than as the gift it is ( this should have enhanced everyone’s lives - his, yours, the kids )

Did either of you consider moving into the house he now owns instead of carrying on renting?

He’s being a knob. The new house is an asset that belongs to both of you.

He could always sell his inherited property assuming you don't want to live there. Then use that money as a deposit on somewhere you do want to live.

The division of labour with regards to work or stuff that needs doing with the kids and house?

And the finances aren’t shared are they? He’s making is very very clear that it’s all very much his and I can’t contribute as much as him. He loves to point out that they are very uneven.

He sounds like a miserable bastard, you are investing in the family future by doing your degree and will most likely have a good job to walk into afterwards.
He sounds like a petty, nitpicking arse. Does he not actually want to support his family? Knobhead.
I'm surprised you are still with him tbh.

Slowrun he doesn’t want to do that yet. Perhaps he likes the power this gives him.

I can actually understand that it might be hard for him to have moved into "your" place, which from the sound of it is not one he would have chosen himself, or if you'd been choosing together. But it sounds as if he's being most unpleasant about it. Do you think he's trying to sulk you into moving somewhere he likes better?

Remind him that the inherited house is legally half yours anyway so what’s he on about?

Mind you mt ex husband was even worse, he was contributing nothing to the household when I did my NHS degree as he'd lost his job yet again and I had to work nights in a nursing home and study right up to the end of my degree.

So he was happy to let other tax payers pay but begrudges doing it himself?

Finances do cause a lot of resentment, if it was a joint decision that you become a student and he was fully onboard then he needs to stand by that.

Can you point out to him that inheriting a house from a friend was sheer good luck and not down to his own hard graft? It’s his fault you can’t claim tax credits but how brilliant to have an asset and be bringing in more money for the family?!

Why can’t you live in the house he inherited if your rented flat isn’t up to his standards.

He sounds like a dick and a financial abuser in the making. Congratulate yourself on recognising now that his behaviour is unacceptable rather than putting up with it.

Awful man. How much goes out in rent?

Puntastic it’s me who wants to move out. He was the one who chose to rent his place out.

coolhotsummer if we break up I want nothing to do with his house. He can keep the bastard thing and everything it earns him.

Yes I don't get this, I think you are right. Surely there ought to have been a bit of a joint celebration when the first rent came in? Maybe not if he's still really upset about his friend's death (could that have anything to do with this?) but suddenly you are facing a life of significantly more security - surely it should have been a jointly happy moment?

It sounds as if he would quite like to move into the house - you could be living rent free, might that not make more financial sense? A good discussion about financial goals would be good, rather than shouting at you.

Make it very clear that it's half yours. If you divorce you get half, so while your married you should get half too. He's an idiot. I'd be gone.

£875 HollowTalk

I ditched a very similar degree and career, lost all my tax credits and disposable income.

My partner earns a good amount more than me and insists on splitting things down the middle - after I pay this plus my own expenses I'm left with nothing straight after I get paid.

I'm trying to leave (but can't afford to). I was better off as a single parent student than I am in a family with two adults working part time and rent thats half the price of anywhere else in the area.

Don't let him throw this in your face and don't let him trap you. Your response was perfect I think.

*working full time

If you're married then the inherited house is 50% yours.

A good strategy with 'Poor me' arguments, I find is not to walk into them or at the very least walk away from them. They become a rhetoric that just gets repeated. In the end the person spouting them starts actually believing them.

Every time he starts on like this just walk away. Shut the conversation down with an interruption. You have to go out, go to the loo, start being busy with something else, engineer a phone call. Just don't engage.

It will make you feel more calm and stop this repetitive behaviour in its tracks. He can't argue with himself. The less he spouts this stuff the less it will be in his mind and he will find other hopefully more constructive thoughts to occupy him.

Your husband is an idiot.

The women I'm related to and know who work for the NHS now earn the same or more than their partner. However they all started out earning less and it took them 10-20 years to get there. (Most of them have better pensions as well.)

So while he may have a higher income now in your partnership it may not necessarily always be the case.

He does realise marriage is a legal partnership doesn't he?

It doesn't make financial sense to get in £1000 a month rent which I assume is subject to about 40% or 20% tax so more lika £600 a month which he must declare on his tax return and when he sells it he has to pay 28% capital gainst tax on any rise in value compared with the family paying out £1000 a month in rent.

If instead you moved into the house or you sold it and bought a family home together then you would have no rent (and no income tax on rent so much better off month by month and possibly get tax credits back not that I want to encourage people to put my taxes up by claiming off the state).... you would also find when you sold the family house you had no capital gains tax to pay on the gain.

Also if he thinks keeping this in his name helps him that is not so - you are married and if you are in England then if you were to part you are highly likely to be entitled to 50% of it anyway.