How do I stop my husband being a financial bastard?

[WhatAnAbsolutePenis]

Back ground - we’re married, 2 kids and live in a rented flat. He inherited a house from a friend which he decided to rent out. That’s been rented out for about 3 weeks now and he gets over 1k a month for it.
He works full time and I’m a student in the NHS, including placements and full time uni all year round and I work as well.

Before he inherited this house, we had a shared account for bills and rent. He put in about £600ish a month and I put in £400 and we used to get tax credits.

We are no longer entitled to tax credits.

He has a few weeks ago thrown in my face that he pays for everything. Food, bills and rent.

We had an argument today and he’s done it again. Obviously he puts a significant amount in now because he gets the rent and has to replace the tax credits that we are no longer entitled to.

We just had an argument about the front door (he loves to bitch about the flat. I’ve lived here for years before we were married and he makes it clear that it isn’t up to his standards, the Windows, the kitchen, the bathroom, the front door etc eyc) and yet again he threw in my face that only he pays the rent.

I told him fuck the fuck off and don’t come home tonight.

I’m perfectly fucking capable of paying the rent without him. He can move out. Problem solved.

What exactly does he expect me to do, ditch my degree and my career, somehow inherit a house just so we can be on an even keel with money?!

What kind of absolute bastard throws this in their wife’s face every time they have any argument?

The house has only been rented out for 3 weeks, is this it now? This being thrown in my face every 10 seconds?

Petulant. Not pentchant! Doh.

Oh that’s good then.

I thought that you were in Scotland because the house would not be a marital asset there UNLESS your husband sold it and brought the proceeds into the marriage. So I was guessing that’s why he was refusing to sell it.

Disclaimer - I’m not a lawyer BTW so that’s my lay persons understanding of Scots Law on this matter .

If the house is in his name and technically he owned it before you were married it's not a marital asset.

Ennirem I know it sounds very odd, but it’s actually very innocent. She was elderly and they had been friends for years and years. He was sad when she died. Perked up when he found out about the house though.
I always internally judged him a bit for that, I must admit.

Get out now, take your fair share of everything and start again. You have a great career ahead of you.

To suddenly look into what I’m entitled to just feels so vulgar and grabby. I know I sound like a penchant child but I’d rather be skint and happy then unhappy in a mortgage free house

I’m sorry to be harsh, but you don’t have a right to walk away from money that is rightfully your children’s just so that you feel can better about saying “ fuck off “ to their father. As others have said, men like this usually walk away from their responsibilities for their kids.

And honestly, skint with kids isn’t fun. You will feel guilty all the time about what you could have done for them if you had made better decisions .

Bluelady this is the confusing part. He found out that the house was left to him about 6 weeks before we were married.

But the will wasn’t read and proceedings didn’t start to go through for a long while after that and the house has only just become his in the last couple of months.

So the only thing that actually happened before we got married was the lady dying.

Does this still mean it’s not an asset?

Because if so, I wonder if thats why he is putting off selling it. Because once it’s sold and we have bought our own property then I absolutely will own 50% if it.

You need legal advice on this.

L0uisa not harsh at all. A truth that I’ve been grateful of hearing throughout this thread. I agree with you. I guess that was my stance at the start of this thread, and now having to change that.

what kind of bastard throws this in his wife’s face every time they have an argument?

My DH, sadly. I earn significantly less than him due to the sort of industry I work in, and always have even before I went part time after DCs. So it’s always my fault that we can’t have the sort of lifestyle he wants, even though I am the one who budgets every penny. I don’t know what the answer is but I do understand how demeaning this is. I hate it.

I fully support your previous position that the house per se is not relevant to you. Don't go grubbing around in the fine print on this, or I wouldn't anyway. You may be entitled or you may not but is it worth your dignity? Just tell him fuckety-bye and let him have it!

Smoothsailing He sounds a twat, leave him!

Have you told him how hurtful his comments are?
Either the income from the house is joint income (which I would view it is) OR you are each contributing to the family pot in proportion to your income, which is fair. He was fine with you being a student 3 weeks ago, so he needs to stop the moaning. Being a student is a means to an end for you, and as you have said, your income will be higher than his eventually, so this is a season. He needs to know how hurtful his comments are - then if he continues, you have your answer.

Perhaps you should do some research & then present him with a bill for the cost of housework/childcare and ask if he intends to pay for that? If not, he should be thanking you regularly for the HUGE financial contribution you're making to the family that he gets to enjoy for sweet fuck-all.

Throw THAT in his face and ask him if he fancies having to pay to replace your services should he suddenly find himself a single father.

I don't know how the legalities of who owns the house would work - but the income from it would definately count for cms so make sure you know what he us making as part if getting your duck in a row!

You dont sound vulgar and grabby Smoothsailing. He does though. Marriage finance is swings and roundabouts especially with study/kids/loans. Things have swung up for him and he’s shown his true colours. Unless he can adjust his thinking and realise you’re a family (singular) you and your kids should cut him free and hope he and his cash have a loving happy future together.

Are the children his?
If not then he could argue it is a short marriage (if you split now) and retain the property. Depends on how long you lived together before marriage. That way he could possibly argue to keep the asset.
However if the children are his I don't think he could.

Sometimes people are fine when they don't have much money - but the real them becomes exposed when they have money.

I had a similar ex. He didn't own another property but could very easily afford to whilst we lived in my crappy council flat that i had long before he came along. Tight fisted doesn't begin to describe him, he paid the bills because I was working part time because of the kids (of course he insisted that childcare was my expense) and held it over me constantly. In reality he had at least £2000 a month more than me and was happy to see me struggle and have the kids grow up somewhere horrible just so he could hold onto his cash.
I divorced him, best thing I've ever done.

I expect it will still be an issue. Because the house is his. And the money is his. And he’s being a total penis about

From a financial standpoint if he doesn’t liquidate the asset he can argue it remains his in the event of divorce. I’m betting that’s why he’s not wanting to move into it or sell up

In a divorce it would still be considered as a marital assets.

If it's in his name only, get proper legal advice to see if you can get it changed into your joint names or register your interest in the property

I don't think that is necessary. They are married. It is half hers anyway.

I fully support your previous position that the house per se is not relevant to you. Don't go grubbing around in the fine print on this, or I wouldn't anyway. You may be entitled or you may not but is it worth your dignity? Just tell him fuckety-bye and let him have it

What is undignified about claiming what you are entitled to.

I might be wrong but I think the money has turned your dhs head and I think is thinking of divorce

He knows you would be due half of everything.

He thinks if he brings up how little you contribute and generally get you to hate the house by bringing it up in every argument that he out earns you he probably knows your personality and as soon as he has got you into a position where you don't want to have anything more to do with the house he will divorce you.

If you split - do not let him "keep his house" - because that house is a marital asset. If you don't want his money - think about your children. To be honest if he is mean then he is just as likely to be mean towards them - especially in the long term. And if he enters a new relationship is very likely to overlook their needs.

Bekabeech's words are pure gold!

You are angry now and want nothing to do with "his" stuff, or to be beholden to him - but these are your RIGHTS.

If the situation was reversed would he walk away with all the family responsibilities and let you keep all the assets? WOULD HE HELL AS LIKE!

Protect yourself as much as you can financially and emotionally - it may not come to a split, but you really need to be prepared to separate if necessary or he will walk all over you.

He's not really bought into the whole what's mine is yours thing has he?

The house is a marital asset. It's all joint now. Perhaps he needs reminding of that? He sounds like an arse though.

The ownership passes to the new party on date of death, however when you were married you are entitled to more than 50% of all assets in the even of a divorce because of the children.

Hes a bastard don't put up with it tell him how you feel.

I just think if you are leaving someone who is manifestly a twat, it's best for them to have as few hooks in you as possible. If you can leave them and remain solvent without fighting them for 'your share' of things, then good. If they are reluctant to pay child support and you can manage without it, then rather than chase them down on the principle of the thing - fuckety-bye! It means they can never hold it over you, or withhold what you've come to rely on, or tell your children how mummy takes all their money so can't afford to take them out, etc, etc - all of which some wanker who likes to hold their windfall over their wife is likely to do if divorced.

Without a large or ongoing financial contribution, it is also more likely a selfish twat like this will swiftly drift to the periphery of their children's lives, which can only be a good thing, twat as he is. If he's paid, or is paying, he'll probably maintain contact in order to 'get his money's worth' - i'm putting myself in the shoes of a money-grubbing wanker here you understand.

Did you loose the tax credit because of the inheritance. If so I would be reminding him of this, and Advising him you could reclaim the tax credit if you were separated from him, he can go and live in the house he rents out, while doing wkend DC visits so he would loose and loose again.

Don't put up with his crap talk. You could be in a better position without him. I would throw that in his face.

Yes we lost the tax credits because of his inheritance. I reminded him of this very much so.

Apparently this is all my fault and this [argument] never would have happened if I’d accepted that the issue with the door this morning was an accident.

It doesn’t matter if it’s the door or something else though does it? The issue is that every time we have an argument he instantly turns on the “I pay for everything, you pay for fuck all.”