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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I stop my husband being a financial bastard?

295 replies

WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 24/07/2018 07:25

Back ground - we’re married, 2 kids and live in a rented flat. He inherited a house from a friend which he decided to rent out. That’s been rented out for about 3 weeks now and he gets over 1k a month for it.
He works full time and I’m a student in the NHS, including placements and full time uni all year round and I work as well.

Before he inherited this house, we had a shared account for bills and rent. He put in about £600ish a month and I put in £400 and we used to get tax credits.

We are no longer entitled to tax credits.

He has a few weeks ago thrown in my face that he pays for everything. Food, bills and rent.

We had an argument today and he’s done it again. Obviously he puts a significant amount in now because he gets the rent and has to replace the tax credits that we are no longer entitled to.

We just had an argument about the front door (he loves to bitch about the flat. I’ve lived here for years before we were married and he makes it clear that it isn’t up to his standards, the Windows, the kitchen, the bathroom, the front door etc eyc) and yet again he threw in my face that only he pays the rent.

I told him fuck the fuck off and don’t come home tonight.

I’m perfectly fucking capable of paying the rent without him. He can move out. Problem solved.

What exactly does he expect me to do, ditch my degree and my career, somehow inherit a house just so we can be on an even keel with money?!

What kind of absolute bastard throws this in their wife’s face every time they have any argument?

The house has only been rented out for 3 weeks, is this it now? This being thrown in my face every 10 seconds?

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 24/07/2018 08:14

Seniorschoolmum has got it spot on.

FolderReformedScruncher · 24/07/2018 08:15

DO NOT give up your right to half that asset OP. You have kids. You must not make a decision like that on a whim. Misty eyed rememberances of when things were good (pre inheritance) are also not good as clearly he is a bastard it just wasn't evident until he had something tobe a bastard about! The old saying, when money comes in the door, love flies out the window, is dead right. If you think you would be happier without him in your life, divorce him and be happy. Enjoy your life, your career and your kids without him forming a shadow over the lot. Life is too short to live with a knobber.

longwayoff · 24/07/2018 08:17

What kind of bastard does this? The kind who should be living somewhere else. He is a twat and feels he deserves 'better' now he's gots some extra dosh. Move him out and move on, it will only get worse.

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 24/07/2018 08:17

I can't see any sense in renting out a house and paying 20% tax on the rental income when you're living in a rented flat. It's bonkers. Why not just move into the house? Incidentally at this point there'd be no tax bill if it was sold.

I couldn’t agree more. And I’ve said this time and time again. She died 2 years ago. I’ve been saying it for 2 years.
But he decided to it this way.
I do wonder if there is an agenda. I’ve always wondered if there’s an agenda...

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 24/07/2018 08:18

Its just not realistic to think you can go through life both earning the same amount.
If he was happy when you were equal, is crowing now he earns more, what will he be like if your earnings outstrip his?

Doingreat · 24/07/2018 08:19

Op I'm so pleased you stood up to the bully.

Next time he wants to moan about the house tell him you will only do that through solicitors. Because loving couples share everything including finances. So if he wants to talk about how he's putting more financially into the marriage he doesn't seem to want to be married any more.

Or better, tell him to piss off to his new house and leave you and your kids in peace.

ProperLavs · 24/07/2018 08:21

He's a knob. he will have to pay capital gains tax if the property has increased in value an he sells it.

NataliaOsipova · 24/07/2018 08:21

Agree with Seniorschoolmum as well. And Xenia is spot on about the tax; makes far, far more sense for you to live in it as your principal private residence is free of capital gains tax and you aren't paying income tax on the rent you're saving.

trojanpony · 24/07/2018 08:22

suddenly it’s isnt “fair” anymore and that’s why he’s angry

Nah. You thought you were so happy before the house. He was always a twat, though, and it was always going to come out at some point.

This x 2

Unfortunately it was lovely and nice only when he was getting the better half of the deal. In his shoes I would be viewing it as our windfall not my windfall.
As others said, if you divorce take half if only for the kids.
On the selling the house thing he was either poorly advised / is a liar / is going to try and pretend he’s been living there before selling it in the future.

QueenofmyPrinces · 24/07/2018 08:27

I think he’s showing you his true colours here.....

Money can do bad things to relationships.

My husband earns over a £1’000 more than me a month so pays more towards all household costs etc but he would never, ever throw it in my face in any way.

Money is just one part of our lives together, it doesn’t form a base within our marriage and it certainly isn’t used as a tool to berate each other in terms of who brings more to the relationship than the other.

You’ve seen a side to him that you can’t I un-see and I can’t imagine how things can get better?

I wouldn’t be putting up with this, it’s no way to live and you deserve better. As has been said, if things do end up with a split make sure you get the half of the house that your children deserve.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 24/07/2018 08:28

I hope you meant it and that he knows he is not to come home tonight.

FeistyOldBat · 24/07/2018 08:28

OP you need to find out who actually owns the house. If the house is in England or Wales, you can do this at the Land Registry, it costs £6 to get a copy of the title plan and an extract of the title itself which will tell you who owns it and whether there are any legal charges (debts) secured on it.

If it's in his name only, get proper legal advice to see if you can get it changed into your joint names or register your interest in the property.

There are links on that page to searching for information on property in Scotland or Northern Ireland.

Notmorewashing · 24/07/2018 08:28

Get a divorce, take half the house for your children and kick him out. This will never work as he is SO stingy and selfish.

If either one of you in a marriage has more at any point why would you not want to share this out evenly between you that’s love and partnership working.

Ennirem · 24/07/2018 08:30

I agree that the house, although it seems to be the cause of your problems, is actually a blessing - it let you find out that he is in fact an arsehole. He always was, you know; he just didn't have a context where his natural bastardness could grow and flourish. Now he has, and you can see him for what he is. He is nasty and will use any handle he has to bully and denigrate you. Get rid. Tell him you no longer love him and you want a divorce. He can go live in his precious house. And I 100% agree with you, fuck the house, he can keep it. Who cares if it's a joint asset legally speaking, I'd be damned before I'd let him paint me as the grasping ex wife who stole his fortune. If you and your kids can manage without his financial support, then do it. He is clearly one who views money as power, and you don't need a lifetime of 'who pays for all this' every time he sees your children.

Amazing response, by the way, you are my role model on how to deal with male bullshit from here on out xx

AjasLipstick · 24/07/2018 08:31

I find it weird that you call the house "his place" when as a married couple, all assets are shared!

Divorce the bastard.

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 24/07/2018 08:31

Do you know what though, before all this house bollocks if ever he earned a bit more one month or received some money, he was really generous with it.
He’s always been a generous and giving person.
But this. This is totally different.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 24/07/2018 08:32

Ajaslipstick he still calls it Jackies place (changed the name) so he doesn’t even refer to it as his either.

I don’t feel as though it has anything to do with me though. And it’s shit like this that makes me feel this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 24/07/2018 08:33

Also I’ve just realised something, the lady died a couple of months before we got married. It’s taken 2 years for him to actually receive the house.

If she died before we got married does that mean the 50% thing doesn’t stand?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 24/07/2018 08:35

Feisty I already know that the house is in his name only.

My name hasn’t touched it.

OP posts:
rainforesttreeswinging · 24/07/2018 08:35

You are sad because ‘the house’ has exposed your husband for what he is. You wish you could press unwind and unsee the truth.
The truth being that you are not in a loving equal marriage. You are in fact married to someone that does not see you as family, he does not not see you as a wife and to share your lives and money. What’s his is his and what’s yours is his as well

L0UISA · 24/07/2018 08:41

You live in Scotland , don’t you OP?

ReservoirDogs · 24/07/2018 08:43

No - as you are married the court would count any assets either of you own as going into the pot to divvy up!

Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 24/07/2018 08:43

No, what made you think that?

I live in the South East.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 24/07/2018 08:44

Thanks. Im really uneducated when it comes to this kind of this.
To suddenly look into what I’m entitled to just feels so vulgar and grabby.
I know I sound like a penchant child but I’d rather be skint and happy then unhappy in a mortgage free house.

OP posts:
Ennirem · 24/07/2018 08:45

What was the relationship with the friend? Why did she leave him a house? What were the circumstances surrounding her death?

The ONLY way I can see there might be something other than bastardy behind this is if he is grieving badly or in shock and is struggling with the inheritance emotionally and acting out about it. Is there anything in that? Have you talked to him about the friend who died and the weirdness of inheriting a house from her, and how he feels about it all?