How do I stop my husband being a financial bastard?

[WhatAnAbsolutePenis]

Back ground - we’re married, 2 kids and live in a rented flat. He inherited a house from a friend which he decided to rent out. That’s been rented out for about 3 weeks now and he gets over 1k a month for it.
He works full time and I’m a student in the NHS, including placements and full time uni all year round and I work as well.

Before he inherited this house, we had a shared account for bills and rent. He put in about £600ish a month and I put in £400 and we used to get tax credits.

We are no longer entitled to tax credits.

He has a few weeks ago thrown in my face that he pays for everything. Food, bills and rent.

We had an argument today and he’s done it again. Obviously he puts a significant amount in now because he gets the rent and has to replace the tax credits that we are no longer entitled to.

We just had an argument about the front door (he loves to bitch about the flat. I’ve lived here for years before we were married and he makes it clear that it isn’t up to his standards, the Windows, the kitchen, the bathroom, the front door etc eyc) and yet again he threw in my face that only he pays the rent.

I told him fuck the fuck off and don’t come home tonight.

I’m perfectly fucking capable of paying the rent without him. He can move out. Problem solved.

What exactly does he expect me to do, ditch my degree and my career, somehow inherit a house just so we can be on an even keel with money?!

What kind of absolute bastard throws this in their wife’s face every time they have any argument?

The house has only been rented out for 3 weeks, is this it now? This being thrown in my face every 10 seconds?

Sorry x posted with several people there!

Glad you're standing up for yourself op. My DH inherited a house about 10 years ago- WE sold it and the money is now in our JOINT savings/ investments.
That house is a marital asset so any income from it is half yours.

The funny thing is, when I qualify I will be earning more than him straight away.

But I expect it will still be an issue. Because the house is his. And the money is his. And he’s being a total penis about it.

Either he doesnt realise the 50% thing or he doesn’t care, or he knows that I want nothing to do with it if we split.

If you split - do not let him "keep his house" - because that house is a marital asset. If you don't want his money - think about your children. To be honest if he is mean then he is just as likely to be mean towards them - especially in the long term. And if he enters a new relationship is very likely to overlook their needs.

He doesn't sound very pleasant. If he didn't like your flat, has he done anything to improve it?

And maybe look for the sort of property you could afford with the sale of his inherited house. He may get excited. Beats arguing about doors and windows!

Inheriting that house should be a positive life changer, generally it’s be better to live there yourselves than pay someone else’s mortgage by renting unless you live in a much nicer area than the house is in-is it just the house that’s made him like this or has this just given him some weight to his thoughts? Is it passed the point of being able to sit down and work out financially between you how your life has been improved/future plans etc? Why is he living in what was always your flat anyway? I’m not criticising but what did he bring to the marriage?

You are rightly very angry with how is his being - he sounds horrible- but you need to be calm abut this.... money can be emotive but being emotional about money is not good.....
so if you want to split up thats fine but as they say get your paperwork in order...youare married all assets are joint uncluding pensions...do not throw that away because you are angry...

If you want to work it through then either try and do a family budget and long term plan - as xenia says it seems a poor use of your main assest to rent something out where you are not making profit..much better to live there ...if its not suitable for you to live in then sell it...

I should expect from how he sounds you may end up with option 1

Xenia he seems to think if he sold it straight away then he would be subject to a massive tax bill.
Honestly I’ve given up talking to him about it. He decided last minute that he wanted to rent it.
Or rather, he intended to rent it out all along and told me a different story.

We can’t move into it because it’s too small and too far away.

From a financial standpoint if he doesn’t liquidate the asset he can argue it remains his in the event of divorce. I’m betting that’s why he’s not wanting to move into it or sell up.

You have children. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face if you do split and divorce. Getting part of this inheritance would be an investment in your children’s future. Both a more comfortable life as children and adults. Don’t assume he will leave a penny to them. He sounds enough of a bastard to remarry and forget about their existence.

If he doesn’t want the tax credits to stop he can always stop renting the place out. Simple. Dickhead.

What about seeing a financial advisor?

Cross post. What tax bill? There would be none. I don’t believe that argument. See my post.

OP stating you will immediately earn more than him when you qualify is likely the source of his fuckwittery. The income from the inherited house is the only way he can feel equal to you financially and he knows that won't last for long.

He needs to grow up. More and more women are becoming the primary earners in their relationships.

Oh god please don’t think there’s any moral high ground in saying you want nothing to do with it. It’s half yours.

He needs reminding that marriage is a legal co tract that means all assets are SHARED.

What a cock.

If you split - do not let him "keep his house" - because that house is a marital asset. If you don't want his money - think about your children. To be honest if he is mean then he is just as likely to be mean towards them - especially in the long term. And if he enters a new relationship is very likely to overlook their needs

This is excellent advice. You have no right to refuse your children access to this asset just because your husband is an arse. Do you want them not be able to afford to go to uni because you wanted to take the [mistaken ] moral high ground ?

It’s not about moral high ground. It’s about happiness. We were so bloody happy before the house thing and all it does is cause arguments. I fucking hate the damn house. It was supposed to be something amazing and all it’s done is cause this. I just want to turn back time to when we were even and happy and didn’t have this.

Nonetheless I am listening to what you’re saying.
It is the children’s future and I realise that there’s way more to it then just me saying “I don’t want the bloody house.”

I do hear you all.

Did he know marriage meant sharing ? Who paid for the furniture & appliances in your flat?
This needs sorting now or walk away

It doesn't really matter when he sells it, he'll be liable for tax. But then he'll have the money from having sold an entire house that he was given for free, so he'll have enough cash to cover that.

You can't stop him from being financially abusive - sadly, he may well also develop the ability to be verbally, emotionally and physically abusive as well. Underlying the abuse is the belief that he is superior to you and that you're not really fully a human being deserving of respect. That's his problem and not really much you can do about it, except leave.

I think you should preempt him, next time you feel a row brewing, you bring up the financial side of things, ask him what he expects you to do about it? speak quietly, say you will earn more eventually.
perhaps he feels side lined by your probable pay increase? He is waving around his earnings

The house is a marital asset - I bet he will be going after anything YOU may own if you split.
Can you see him being fair about maintenance etc? No? Then why would you hand the only item of real value within the marriage to him?

Op, on the contrary, I think he’s fully aware of the 50% rule. Think about it.

He moved in to your flat, all furnished & sorted and has been paying 600 a month. Far less than a flat on his own would have been. He has you running the home, nice steady safe income in the near future and generally an equal to him financially.

Now he’s inherited a house, he’s worth probably an extra £150k after tax (assuming not London) and he’s realised whatever he does, he has to share it with you.
Suddenly it isn’t “fair” any more and that’s why he’s angry.

He’s really quite nasty isn’t he.

Nah. You thought you were so happy before the house. He was always a twat, though, and it was always going to come out at some point.

Cannot stand men like this.

Gosh, he sounds horrible.

Honestly though op, if you split, don’t cut of your nose to spite your face, think of your kids and get everything you’re entitled to, including a share of that house!

I fucking hate the damn house. It was supposed to be something amazing and all it’s done is cause this

No its not the house, its your DH. Someone who loves you and values you as an equal wouldnt be treating you like this, house or no house.

I can't see any sense in renting out a house and paying 20% tax on the rental income when you're living in a rented flat. It's bonkers. Why not just move into the house? Incidentally at this point there'd be no tax bill if it was sold.