First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

Are they playing outside her house?

You're doing nothing wrong really but 6 is young to be playing in the street OP...is there a road? She should consider moving to another room to work. I work from home and wouldn't DREAM of doing what she's done.

It would be reasonable to ask the kids to keep the noise down and move a bit away from her property at least, I think.

But also worth saying, if she brings it up again, that there are a number of children playing so it may not be your children disturbing her, and you are not in charge of the others.

They do play outside her house. Our front door opens onto a steep hill and they play on the road below where my friend and their friends live and they and I can watch them. It's a dead-end so a bit safer.

There are plenty of methods she could employ to make sure that the noise doesn't bother her. Plenty of people work from home (myself included) along with plenty of shift workers etc who might be asleep during the day. She was absolutely ridiculous to suggest 30 minutes in a morning and 30 minutes in an afternoon. If she is that bothered by it then she needs to look at hot desk facilities in the area. She's being a massive CF.

I don’t think they should be playing in the road outside her house, no.

Well this is mumsnet so you will be told your children should never make a noise ever, that 30 mins twice a day is reasonable and that no children should ever play games in the street.

Could you suggest to your neighbour that you of course do not want this to be a problem so you will consult the council / environmental health / whoever deals with noise pollution to ask for their advice? They will laugh and tell her she is being completely unreasonable. It is the school summer holidays, there will be noise! Buy her some nose cancelling earphones!

Well are they actually screaming? Because that's not cool. And do the 'football games' entail kicking balls against a wall? Because, again...

Why should the children play elsewhere? She can work elsewhere.

Adopt the ‘that doesn’t work for us’ line and don’t engage.

This makes me sad. The idea that the sound of children playing outside in the sun is so awful to somebody that they would try to impose strict time restrictions and have words with their mother is absurd.

Sorry you feel upset by it, but no, YANBU. They are children. They are playing. What a joyless individual she must be.

You are working in your house while your 6 year old plays outside on a road?
Unless you live in the 1950s that's unreasonable, sorry, and not because of the noise.

Personally I don’t think children should be playing ball games in the street/road as it’s unsafe and annoying for neighbours. Being a Cul De Sac doesn’t really mean anything as it only takes 1vehicle to knock them down. 6 is too young to be out in the street anyway and 8 and 9 is too young to go to the park alone. If they are playing with friends can’t the parents and you take it in turns to take them to the park and supervise?

In their own home/back garden/front garden etc is fair enough and shouting, screeching etc is all part of children playing as long as it’s not late or ridiculously early but I think she has a point as they are playing football in the road outside her house!

Robin well there;s no need to be sad about it...some people are just over sensitive to noise. I am....but I would never expect people around me to hide away! I'd move my room.

Providing they're not standing outside her windows screaming continuously at the tops of their lungs for 12 hours a day then I think she's being unreasonable. She has the majority of the year where it's quiet outside, so to suggest that your children should spend all summer indoors, bar a 30 minute slot twice a day, is ludicrous. I'm sure she can sit in a room at the back of the house for 6 weeks if it bothers her that much (which is surely what any reasonable person would do). Your children have every right to play in the area that they live and her needs don't trump theirs.

Why do they have to scream? Apart from the autistic one, do they have LDs? If not, can you just tell them not to scream in the street and if they do scream, they wil have to come inside. DOesnt seem that complicated.

If they were safely in your garden then I would say don't listen to her and you and your kids just do your thing and she'll just have to deal with it. However I don't think kids should be paying on the street so sorry but I think YABU.

So you’re working from home whist your 6 year old is out in the street? YABVU.

Find some childcare or ask family and friends to help and perhaps reciprocate for their kids another day. Book them into a cheap day camp like a local football one for a half day. Ours cost about £12 for 3-4 hours and you’ll know they are safe and entertained whilst you work.

Yes they shout and yes they kick a ball against walls sometimes. They're not playing exclusively outside her house but I imagine it might feel like that to her :-( I did suggest the library which is only 5 minutes walk and hotdesking again readily available in town but that wasn't well-received. I feel like she's singled me and my boys out as she said others come to join them but it's just as likely that my boys go out when they see others playing.

They're in the street. She has the right not to be bothered by screaming and excessive loud noise on the street.

Do you work from home too? Aren't you able to supervise or get them to the park?

You actually suggested she take herself out of her home, where she works?

YABU. Sounds like you are prioritising your work from home over hers, and leaving your children to play outside her house while you work. No wonder she is annoyed!
You need to find a better solution.

I would have laughed in her face, my children played in the road from 6 like yours in a dead end road. I bet you she is the type that moans about children being glued to monitors.
I work from home and I have children screaming and shouting all day as I am on route to the park I conduct interviews over the phone I use earpieces and I can concentrate and if I couldn't I would move to the back of the house. As my mum used to say to Mr and Mrs 51 you don't want children playing go live somewhere were they aren't going to live. And in this case I would say this is housing to live in you want to work hire an office.

Kicking a ball against her house is totally not on. Same goes for screaming outside her house in the street. If you don’t have a garden you’ll have to take them out. You’re letting a 9 year old (who you say is austisitc and can’t be responsible for the others) and an 8 and 6 year old play football in the road unsupervised. She’s being perfectly reasonable in complaining. I’d have taken the ball off them if they were kicking it against my house and I’m not moany or intolerant to kid’s playing at all.

She sounds miserable and whatever you do will be wrong. It’s great to hear kids playing outside and a bit of screaming and balls against walls is part of that. They play out from age 4 round here with parents checking every few minutes (not mine before I am flamed, I think that’s a bit young) and as soon as they can toddle supervised. If anyone suggested they shouldn’t then it would be assumed by the other neighbours they were joking!

And yes of course when some kids are out others will join them. Part of being kids.

Just let her know that the school holidays will be over in 6weeks. Gently remind your boys to try to be a little less noisy occasionally.