First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

I hope your other neighbours FFS was in support of you?

Yanbu. Mine are grown and my NDN kids do my head in, but they are kids. It's a lovely summer.

Jesus, in what kind of hideous, entitled parallel universe are we living in where having children scream and kick balls against someone's house for hours trumps their working life?

I honestly can’t believe people think kids shouldn’t be playing outside in a street. Is there to be no walking and chatting outside too? This is exactly how I grew up OP. It’s not reasonable to expect peace and quiet midday in a street with families. She needs to get some noise cancelling headphones - or go work in an office share or library.

thre are houses that are back to back to eactoher and the noise in the gardens when the kids are out there must be louder surely than this.
I find it really difficult to see a problem.yes yes It might piss me off if it was me.and I can imagine id do a bit of eye rolling to myself...but id just have to get over it as one of those things I think.
they are children playing in the street just being children.as long as its not rude or inappropriate behaviour or language or abuse. this is the sound of laughter,fun,children getting to no eachother and being free.i cant see a problem with it.
only you no the situation of your street to and how safe it is for them os I wont go into this.
the loudness to your neighbour though.eee I find it hard to be on her side.

PenguinBollard do you honestly think it’s ok for kids to “kick balls against someone’s house for hours” is okay because I certainly dont.

Tell her to translate this:

Va te faire voutre!

YANBU at all. This woman can't stop your children (or others) playing outside. She's pathetic. I presume you can keep a eye on them whilst they're outside?

Compromise / no kicking against a wall and no screaming. If they break those two rules they come in for a period of time. They'll soon manage not to do either if they want to play out.

For me though, 6y is til young to be outside on the streets unsupervised.

My a translator and I love the sound of children playing. She should wear headphones if she can't the sound of other human beings.

In some ways I'm so glad I grew up in the 70s/80s playing outside was quite normal and we played on our road the cars coming along were going about 3miles a hour!! Neighbours complained we got told to be quiet and move!! It seems on one hand children are not allowed to be children and on the other they are babied beyond belief!!

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I don't think there's anything wrong with children playing out. It's noisy, but during the day that's the way of it. If someone was doing building work that would be noisy too.

Screaming can particularly jarring, so if you can encourage them to keep that down or step in and remind them if they do it a lot, that might keep things a bit sweeter. It sounds like limiting the time they can play with a ball might make things a bit quieter too. I don't think you are obliged to do that in the middle of the day, but I would try and be considerate of a neighbour on nightshift or someone who worked from home, but not to the extent it stopped my children playing.

You don't really need to be confrontational with her. Just remain non-committal when she talks to you about it. Say you're sorry she's disturbed by it, you'll try and get them to keep it down, etc. but don't agree to do anything specific. Just say you'll think about it or that you don't think that will work. And remember, much as it's good to get on with neighbours, this is her problem, not yours.

I don’t think they should be bouncing a ball against a wall near other people’s homes. It’s really annoying. Ditto screaming in the street.

You’re expecting an 8 yo to look after a 6 yo and a potentially a 9 yo. Personally I think that’s too young and too much responsibility for the 8 yo. You say you’re watching them. But not constantly. April Jones was kidnapped and murdered in similar circumstances. She was 5.

Why don’t you take your kids and work to the park? They’re then in a safe space and can make as much noise as they like. Or you could have a reciprocal childcare relationship with another parent?

From her perspective you have turfed the noisy kids out of your house, so they don’t disturb you whilst you work from home. I would be pissed off too. The neighbours who back onto our house have screaming children. They scream all day whilst ‘playing’ from 8am-10pm and never seem to go out anywhere. The noise is incredibly wearing. However that’s their garden and there’s nothing to be done about that. However on a few occasions we’ve had kids congregate right outside our front door and make loads of noise (water fights etc) when there is a park 200 yards away. Too right I will open the front door and ask them to go elsewhere. Why should I be disturbed when they’re not my kids and are making an absolutely hellish racket.

I'm baffled by the posters who think six is too young to play out with two older brothers. What is the right age?

Depends on the child but I'm just thinking about letting my daughter walk to the school bus on her own (end of our road) and she's nearly 10. I wouldn't ask her to supervise a younger child til early teens.

Why don’t you take your kids and work to the park? They’re then in a safe space and can make as much noise as they like. Or you could have a reciprocal childcare relationship with another parent?

If she's working she's not going to be keeping a constant eye on them anywhere (and at 9, 8 and 6 they shouldn't need it, the SEN notwithstanding). And since this is a park in which there was a recent stabbing in broad daylight, it's unreasonable to assume it's safer than a dead end street the OP lives in and knows well.

Given the general consensus on threads like these on MN, wherein children are condemned for "screaming" and parents are expected to "not allow them to scream" because we have magic powers to stop our children from ever getting carried away and forgetting their volume when playing groups I have decided to create a line of child muzzles.

These will be exclusively marketed in the UK because no one else in the world gives a flying fuck about kids screaming a bit whilst playing

Please PM if you would like to purchase one.

Sorr, managed to quote the wrong part of the post I responded to. Should have been: You say you’re watching them. But not constantly [....] Why don’t you take your kids and work to the park? They’re then in a safe space and can make as much noise as they like.

I would try to come up with some reasonable compromise otherwise it is going to become a bigger issue. You live near other people, she can't have it all her way (her 30 min suggestion was dumb) but you can't have it all yours either (noise from children is incredibly annoying to most peole)

How about agreeing to no ball games in the street? Save that for the park.

People talk endlessly with romantic yearning about the days when kids all played outside but when it actually happens all hell breaks loose.

It's dangerous (6 years old ffs, not 2)
They make too much noise
It's inconsiderate
It's irresponsible.

Batshit. Let the children have their fun. If they are being unreasonably loud, or kicking a ball against your wall and you don't like it, pop your head out and tell them yourself. No need to defer everything yo parents

I don’t think the OP was wrong for suggesting the neighbour leaves to work as the neighbour suggested the children leave to play or stay inside.

The main reason a lot of people move to cul-de-sacs is so children can play safely. If it’s anything like ours, it’s perfectly safe to let a 6 year old play and people are being a bit ridiculous to say it’s too young.

Plenty of people work
Night shift abd have to
Put up
With children playing out during the summer. This is just part of life. Your neighbour is being unreasonable.

Presumably these people who would supervise aren't the same people who remember the good old days when they disappeared after breakfast to play in the village and came home in time for tea?
Op yanbu. My dc played out as part of xc group from about six and that seemed fairhly old in comparison to some of their friends!

I wouldn’t let my children play in our cul de sac at below 9 because we have some shared house with youngish men at the end who drive really fast but I let them play out now but they come in around 6ish when the boy racers are returning from work.
I think children have a right to play in the street where they live.
I always tell my two to be respectful of others regarding noise, balls etc but you can’t demand neighbors children have just one hour outside during daytime.