First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

OMFG let them eat cake!

As long as they don't scream or kick the ball repeatedly against the wall, let them be.

I supervise my children's play and safety whilst allowing them a tiny bit of independence. My windows directly overlook the street and I hear everything and am able to speak to them and rein them in or call them home. I'm baffled by the posters who think six is too young to play out with two older brothers. What is the right age?

I work from home. The summer holidays can be actually nightmarish as noise can disrupt work daily for weeks if you aren't careful and the stress of this when deadlines/targets are important can be really horrible. The way I see it though is that I chose to work in a residential area, it is cheaper and nicer than hiring/traveling to office space and I can't really expect people to put their on hold for me. I certainly couldn't expect children on their summer hols to only play for two thirty minute sessions each day, most literal actual bloody criminals in prison get more time out than that.

So I take other measures - headphones, pink noise, moving to the other end of the house etc. I basically own it myself as it's my problem.

So I kind of think YANBU. That said, it would be neighourly to remember people sometimes come off like this if stressed - I can personally say this kind of noise can really have you at your wits end. It would also be neighourly to try and keep the noise down a bit.

What I would do is point out, if she is cross again, that she chose to work in a residential area in the summer holidays, you did not choose that for her.

I think you should stand firm. ask them to refrain from kicking a ball against her house, but otherwise, I think children should be able to play out. You could possibly extend their boundary so that they are not constantly outside her house. Every neighbourhood has a miserable git.

Tell her to jog on. I hate people who forget they were kids themselves once. What could be more innocent than kids playing out in the sun. What should they do? Watch tv all day. Suggest she buys some noise cancelling headphones or some cheap earplugs. If she keeps bothering you tell her you'll report her for harassment.

I work from home one day a week and whilst I sympathise with your neighbour, I'm afraid it's just tough shit for her.
She chooses to use her home as a workplace. You are using your home and surrounding area as it should be.
Sometimes I have to put low music on and shut the windows if kids are being particularly screechy, but that's life.
I also work in an office in town and I can tell you we get all kinds of annoying noise outside, but again, that's tough.
Let your kids play.

I'm with you OP. I work from home too. I have a daycare centre a few doors up from me, young guys coming home around 3pm everyday playing loud music, street noise etc. I choose to live in suburbia. If I wanted peace and quiet I would either hire an office space or move out of town onto some acreage.

Mine play out all summer, we live in a very quiet cul-de-sac and there are loads of kids about. Once one lot of kids come out, more seem to appear.
The mums take it in turn to nip out and check on them though.
None of my neighbours have ever complained, and they all drive slowly in case the kids are outside. I love our street!
We have a park 10 minutes away but I won’t let my DC go there unsupervised, they’d have to cross a very busy junction with a blind turn and it’s not safe.

I think it's fine for kids to play out, but no screaming or screeching.

When we were kids, we lived in a cul de sac full of families with young children, so we were always playing out. A childless couple moved in and they were driven utterly demented by the noise. No one really had much sympathy as it was obvious what kind of area it was before they moved in.

I think your neighbor is just going to have to get used to it.

The place for playing football is the park. Not the street or back gardens. My lazy arse of a neighbour lets his kids (2 and 4) kick their ball around in the front or back garden or ride their bikes up and down the pavement largely unsupervised. We live on a bus route. There is a park 5 mins walk in 1 direction and 200 odd acres of open space 5 mins in the other direction. But why take your kids to the park where they have room to play, when they could be outside their house posing a danger to unsuspecting motorists?!

If she thinks it reasonable to suggest your kids go to the park then you should suggest she go to s frigin library if she wants silance! That’s completely ridiculous. Your kids have a right to play in public land, it’s her problem that she can’t work in noise. Her problem to solve not yours.

My dc are 6 and 10 and they play in the street - all the dc come out. It's a cul de sac. Luckily no neighbours have complained but I'm not changing what I do for a neighbour. Noise at night? Absolutely I am mindful but in the day my dc can play. If I felt the noise was unacceptable I'd step in but otherwise the outdoors is for all.

Same.

Kids (including mine) play out from around age 4 here, parents usually open the front window so they can hear them and pop in/out to check on them every so often.

It's summer, kids should be outdoors and part of that is making noise, running about, playing games. She needs to suck it up as part of communal living because even if she complained to the council they'd tell her that it's during daylight hours and that it's normal living noises so tough, basically. Remind them not to kick a ball against her wall and then don't think anything more about it, she has no right to dictate when they can or can't play out.

Haven’t read the whole thread yet, because I’m too irritated by people suggesting that this woman should wear ‘earplugs’ or ‘noise cancelling headphones’. She’s a translator FFS! There’s your clue.

It really depends on just how noisy they are.
YABU to suggest that playing out on a cul de sac will help them to become 'traffic savvy'. It only takes one car.

Kids play out, it's normal residential noise, and as long as they are not screaming ridiculously loud YABU. Her problems with working in a residential environment is not yours to fix.

YANBU!!!!!

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!
I wonder if they should be playing outside unsupervised at all?
Looking at it from your neighbors point of view - if the kids are yelling/screaming she could genuinely be constantly getting up to check they're ok! My 9yr old niece gets over excited sometimes and may screech or scream and my heart jumps because I don't know if he's playing or hurt.
Could you not just tell her you'll ask them to try and play away from her house a little ?
It's not easy during summer holidays and if the weather is good, being outside will do then the world of good but try and reach a compromise with your neighbor x

She’s being a monumental arse.

I work from home (tight deadlines, very detailed, precise work)
DH sometimes does too and he has to deal with clients on the phone and doing conference calls.
We live on a very busy road, our neighbours make noise, it’s just life.

I see you’ve politely told her that she could hotdesk/library, work on her concentration skills or move somewhere quieter.

If you want to be lovely, you could pick a certain window where you’ll guarantee your DC won’t be outside playing (12-2pm? )

Then she’ll see it’s other children making noise too.
love the irony of you being told ‘only a 50s housewife would let their DC play outside, while being told off for prioritising your work.

I'm baffled by the posters who think six is too young to play out with two older brothers. What is the right age?

There is no "right" age. I depends on the child, and no one knows your children better than you. BUT I do think 6 is very young. I have a totally safe back space, and other people let their kids play there, but I NEVER let my DD play there unsupervised becuase i wasn't comfortable with it. I also did always supervise her.

The more this thread moves on, the more sympathy I have with your neighbour, actually. Because (I'm so sorry) but, to me, it sounds more and more like you're sending your children out to play without being present. They are your children and - ultimately - your 'problem'. She's grumpy and horrible, but they aren't her kids, they're yours.

I don't think you answered my question about whether or not you have a garden?

My first instinct would be to buy her a bag of ear plugs and stick a bow on them but you say she’s a translator? Could be she’s translating audio and needs to be able to hear. Ask the kids to keep it down and see if you can’t compromise a bit.

This thread makes me feel sad

6 is very young OP. At 6 children are still prone to suddenly darting or making basically daft choices. And brothers of 8 and 9 are also very young to be responsible for him...

Let the kids play out, but don't allow them to scream or screech.

I have zero tolerance for that.

You are my worst nightmare. I have this problem 365 days a year. Why do screaming kids never do it on their own turf?

You’ve told her to go to the library? Why don’t YOUR kids go to the nearby park?

On the face of it none of us can gage whether your kids are too loud or not but I think the fact she suggested a "compromise" of 30 minutes in the morning and evening is significant. This isn't a reasonable compromise at all (reasonable would be her asking they're quite at certain points of the day, ie after 7pm) and suggests to me that the noise levels are ok.

Also, if she wants complete peace and quiet maybe she'd have been best moving somewhere without neighbours!!!