First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

....prioritising your work.

So it's all well and good for the op to prioritize her work, but the neighbour is a 'monumental arse' for wanting to prioritize her work?

I work from home and it was noisy today. My windows were open and kids were out playing in the street, but surely that’s what kids do and if i need quiet I have to deal with shutting the windows!

If she can’t concentrate she could try earplugs - it’s ridiculous to restrict kids to 2 x 30 mins outside when we are actually having weather that is good enough to be out all day in. Surely it’s far worse for them to be stuck indoors on screens all day.

sleightofmind was that a reference to my comment? I referred to the 50s in terms of the level of traffic in an average street then, which I'd say was very different to what you'd find now.

It is their turf. They live on that street. And they are utilising it in exactly the way a residential street should be utilised - by engaging in normal activities appropriate to their age.

If you want to set up a business in a residential area and cannot tolerate normal residential noise, then you have chosen the wrong location for your business.

Yanbu OP.

madamginger that's just how it is all the mums are popping down to check. And I'm sure the other mums would back me up I just feel because I have three I'm the main target.

Keepservingthedrinks we don't have a garden. Where they play is a short narrow street only single file traffic and it's a dead end. Our door is on the back on a steep hill but where they play is on the flat street below where I overlook them. It's an overdwelling with steps down to the street below so it would take less than a minute to reach them.

Playing out is not an all day every day activity but I encourage it between the stuff that we do to keep them off the screens and it may take place on any day at any time up to 8pm.

I'm very sorry to hear about the child who was knocked over but I want my children to grow up mindful of what might happen rather in fear of it. Learning to be careful and not being wrapped in cotton wool.

The great idea is the soft ball - we have one lol - that could fix it. Thanks for all the positive vibes. If I was in a worse place some of the criticism could have cut deep.

I don't think anything I have said here suggested that I let my kids play outside somebody else's house all day while I got on with my work was how it is but by posting here we're inviting people to come to conclusions which aren't always fair or nice.

This was my first post and I'm not sure I would turn to Mumsnet if I was in a worse place but thanks, everyone. xxx

Hi OP,
Whilst I think you are doing nothing wrong by allowing your kids to play outside in the school holidays (I think she is BU for asking this to cease) I do think yabu for suggesting your neighbor leave her home to work.

I think perhaps just talk to your kids before they go out to play - tell them that there are neighbors who are working so they should try and be considerate in how they play and the level of noise should be kept down.

Then reassure your neighbor that you’ll make sure they are less disruptive as you understand what working from home is like, seeing that you do that yourself.

Good luck, neighborly issues are never pleasant.

YANBU.

Tell her that it is a residential area and they are children. If she wants day time quiet then she needs to work in an office (which tend to have double or triple glazing, air conditioning and so on). There are plenty of options available to her such as shutting the window or using headphones (presumably she's listening to recordings).

She is the one using her home for something it is not designed for and not zoned for. The council will politely tell her to go away if she complains.

I've just had a neighbour moan that my kids are making a noise outside at 9am on a Saturday.

Your new neighbour should be thankful she hasn't moved into my street.....
20 odd kids age range between 4-15, all play out in the square/corner park ALL day when the weather is like this!!!!
I also work from home but have adjusted to the constant laughs/squeals/door knocks that summer holidays bring!!!

Absolutely 6 is too young even with two “older” brothers. Your elder boys are 8 and 9 and you said your 9 year old isn’t autistic and can’t be trusted to watch the other two. WAY too young. In fact children shouldn’t be in the street or road at all. On a green perhaps age 9 ish or at the local park form 10 upwards but 6?!? You need to supervise a 6 year old or find childcare so someone else supservises him.

A 6 year old playing out with their older brothers is perfectly normal where I live. She is being unreasonable and surely if you kept them in they could still be noisy in your house and could still disturb her. I am always amazed by posts on here were people live in a residential area but expect pretty much silence. My neighbors kids are out morning noon and night kicking a ball about and it does annoy me, mostly because they use my gateway as a goal (despite being asked many times not to) and this has resulted in a cracked windscreen and a broken tail light as well as numberous dents and scratches. The parents don't care so there isn't much I can do. I think if you tell them not to kick the ball at anyone's house and try and keep the noise to a minimum, and don't let them out very early or very late that's all you need to do. Yabu to ask her to go to the library to work though.

Your 6 year old isn’t learning road safety by playing football in the road unsupervised. He really isn’t.

She is being ridiculous, it's summer the kids are off school. It's better for them to be out playing than stuck inside being quiet. Let them make the most of this fabulous weather we are having op, I can't stand people that have a problem with kids playing. I love it when I see little girls and boys playing and having lots of fun

I have hired quiet space for daytime work in school hols before, As has DH.
We also packed DS1 off to the library for revision.

If you’re neighbour had told you she had a particularly difficult job for the next X days, so could you try and keep the DCs noise down, that would be a bit of a pain but fairly understandable.

To expect children to remain silent for the whole summer, apart from two 30min slots per day is not rational.

I am a translator and I use earplugs when required. I also put on an electric fan next to my desk if there is any additional background noise I need to cancel out.

Translator =!= interpreter.

Neighbor needs to find ways of dealing with a certain amount of noise.

I didn't ask her to work in the library I just suggested it as a possible solution as a retort to the two half hours playing out sessions per day. I was a bit flustered (hence posting here) but remained polite but non-committal (hence posting here) but thanks to posting here have a better idea of how to take things forward hopefully in an amicable way so thanks.xxx

Working from home is a serious responsibility, which is why if you do it you need to make sure that you are set up for coping with any noise that may disturb you. She might be moaning about kids playing this timewell, OK, so what happens in the future when it's something else causing the noise, like construction work or a public event that she has no control over? She needs to work out some tactics for cancelling noise (white noise, fan, headphones, earplugs, double glazing, noise cancelling curtains and other countermeasures)if she can't do that then she needs to bite the bullet and hire an office space.

Residential environments cannot be expected to be silent. Because people, like, live there. And because kids are allowed to make a certain amount of noise and it is good for them to play outside.

Signed: A person who works from home... as a translator!

I would just ignore her tbh OP. It's a public place and as long as they're not breaking any noise laws, then that's life. No reason why your kids shouldn't play and shout and laugh and kick a ball in a public place during the day.

And I say that as someone who works from home in an extremely busy city, on the same street as a high school. I have no right to complain about normal levels of noise out there.

I use headphones and listen to music. If I didn't like music, I'd use earplugs, which I use at night and block out practically all noise.

She is the one using her home for something it is not designed for and not zoned for. The council will politely tell her to go away if she complains.

Yup. This.

I am allowed to work from home, but my residential association would laugh in my face if I went to them saying "How come I'm not allowed to force everyone living in my areas to adhere to workplace standards in terms of noise levels?" It's a residential area, first and foremost. If you choose to work in a residential area, it's up to you to put in place anything you need to get this to work--without putting the residents' noses out of joint.

Spot on post by Kokeshi! She should figure out her own way of dealing with the noise of everyday life (which includes kids playing in residential areas).

Signed: Another person who works from home as a translator! Woo!

Kokeshi is spot on.

And my kids played outside when they were younger than 6. All the kids round here play outside in a lot of areas and streets it's perfectly safe and normal, not so much in others.

I don’t dislike children but I do find their sounds far more disruptive than anything else on the street. I’m not sure what it is. The volume? I was amazed to find out how far the local school is because from the sounds you would have thought it was right next door!

Or maybe it’s the stop and start, unpredictableness? I don’t mind motorbikes, lawnmowers, or anything else. But I find it hard to concentrate when there are children playing outside, even with the windows shut.

If you choose to work in a residential area, it's up to you to put in place anything you need to get this to work--without putting the residents' noses out of joint.

So what arrangements should the op make to ensure that she can work from home without annoying the neighbours?

Nothing wrong with kids playing out. I did it and didn't come to any harm. Nor did any of the neighbours You are the mum and if you decide that it is a safe environment for them then I don't see the problem. Six years old is a little young for me to be comfortable with but if you say it's fine then I'm sure it is. The area I was brought up in wasn't perfect suburbia hence my concern but if you live in a nice safe place then maybe it's ok.

But... screaming is not on. I am sure you have explained to them that they have to respect other people and to be mindful that others most probably will not want to hear their playground shenanigans.

What time do you put them out in the morning? And can you see the six year old at all times?