Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just had a massive row about food again

181 replies

Metoodear · 23/07/2018 18:19

Aibu

So did a huge shop a few weeks agai double what o normally buy and dh is moaning yet again their is no food

I may add he has decided that he is going on a special diet

We can not really afford anyone in the family eating differently and it’s meaning we’re going through about 9 pints of milk a week
But what ever he told me it’s because i am not meal planning effectively enough

So this week I meal plan with in a inch of my life went shopping 3 days ago

Their is no milk again
No bread no crisps
No cheese
No eggs

I have had non of these items I bought fucking 10 eggs

And I have literally got back from the shop to get my stuff for lunch for the next 3 days

So tonight’s dinners need eggs and cheese I have told dh and fucking ds 18 that I will not be returning to the shop I have been twice today as it is and I am not going to the supermarket daily to replace what their guzzling

Ds 18 is doing fuck all at the moment barr eating i refuse to spend my free time going to and from the fucking supermarket I only get two days off a week
So they can go the fucking shop themselves I told dd when I get back from work tomorrow my expectation will be he will have been to the shop

I have cooked for the kids but not for dh or ds who is currently refusing to go to the shop though he with dh are the worst offenders it’s not the eating of the food it’s the expectation that I will just keep going back and fucking forth like I have nothing else to bloody do

Oh and I also sick of ds leaving a dribble of juice in the jug so he doesn’t have to refil it

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 25/07/2018 01:19

How about locking DS out of the house (with a pack lunch) til you're back from work?

MidniteScribbler · 25/07/2018 01:20

When it comes to your lunches, pack it up on Sunday night and take it all with you on Monday for the whole week. Then at least you know you have your own food for work for the week. Don't buy any other 'snack' foods. If they want it, they can get off their butts and walk to the shops themselves.

kateandme · 25/07/2018 02:30

eggs evey day in our house.plus if everyone has milk every day on cereal.a few glasses for the kids and in tea a whole 4pinter will easily be gone.we have to buy it in every few days.same with eggs.but then we might not eat as much as other foods so I guess it about what gets eaten in your family and working round it.
could you tell him this is his share of the milk(give him allocated bottle.then once its gone he has to go out and get his own.
if he is larger.could you ask him to walk to the shops with you.this might help his general fitness start spending time together outside the fraight issues in house too.
would he listen and do if you just told him its his job to do this intermitant shops.youll do a big one but then a list is made for the interim ones.
would anythihg help you.any of the kids taking up cooking tea a few times a week.getting to go out for yourself?
I know my mum took on shopping for us all.i think she moaned but was really go in the end and just got on with it because nothing changed.allthough my brother did sometimes go for her.but I think she was able to do this because the rest of the time it was more give and take.and she always always new (I told her) how we appreciated it and were grateful of what she did for us.so does a heart to heart need to be had.would you be able to be honest with them all about how your feeling.
you need some you time.or some everyone loving and showing yo ua bit of care,how much they love you.demand this of them.walk out and go for a swim.a massage,a night out.what could make you feel better.

kateandme · 25/07/2018 02:36

barbaraofseville do you have spare wash basin or bucket or fill the sink with water.cold tap..this will do the trick for milk and keep it at a constant temp too.keep shaking it if your doing it whilst up so it doesn't separate so easily too.there is a science behind this but im not sure what It is.its the same you too to defrost meat out the freezer emersing it in cold water.

echt · 25/07/2018 05:14

Might help if you don't swear so much

The OP hasn't sworn at her family, limebarrel. If you object to her swearing in her posts, you might need to re-think why you're on MN, and possibly get over to Netmums.

Hun.

Naveloranges · 25/07/2018 05:42

Stop buying juice, crisis and biscuits as staples. Encourage everyone to drink water, eat fruit or other healthier snacks.

Noboozeforme · 25/07/2018 05:44

God I must be really harsh. I live alone with two DS's 27 and 16. Shopping arrives on a Monday with snacks. They want more they buy it out of their own money. We all take it in turns cooking.

They are better cooks than me !

We go through less than 2 pints of milk a week and unless DS is baking i don't buy eggs !

Mominatrix · 25/07/2018 06:10

I think you have several problems here.

First, could you take advantage of on-line shopping? If so, I would get a pass and have 2 deliveries a week. This way you will be able to plan things so that a) there is not a bulk of food around that your son can go through and b) you can better ration the week's food shopping.

I would stop purchasing the snacky food and agree with PP that I would only get less enticing snacks like apples, oat cakes. If DS wants his snacks, he'll have to get them himself.

Are you anywhere near a Costco or a place like Bookers? If so, you can get 24 packs of eggs and bulk buy UHT milk, nut milk, coconut water, whey protein, nut butters, veg, and fruit. I'd make DH and DS responsible for this shop as his diet is the one necessitating this particular shop.

AjasLipstick · 25/07/2018 06:11

Of course ten eggs in 3-4 days isn;t a lot when there are two men in the house plus children.

Three scrambled will feed one man or woman...so that's potentiall 6 gone on two meals. Four more....well say 2 poached for a breakfast...twice.

Nothing!

jaffajiffy · 25/07/2018 06:14

Online shopping is your friend. Ds and dp can presumably use an app.

If you don’t like doing something, JUST STOP doing it. You are not obliged to enable such twattish behaviour.

Tarlu · 25/07/2018 06:31

Well, you have my sympathy. Single parent here but I cannot get the food in to the house quickly enough but neither of my kids will go to the shop. Well the 13 year old might. Their expectations of what should be available are so high despite my telling them that this is not a supermarket, this is a house.

Tarlu · 25/07/2018 06:33

I go through about 8 litres of milk per week. For 3 of us.

TheNewMrsTomHardy · 25/07/2018 06:43

limebarrel ODFOD

Slimmingsnake · 25/07/2018 06:45

I used to have this...adult ds 1 and adult ds 2 taking entire packs of biscuits as a snack.ds 3 taking 5 bags of crisps to his room ..nah not having it ...every time that happens I don't buy it again..so we have fruit and raisins for between meals...that's it ..I also stopped buying the cereal that's junky...weetabix ,porridge ,shredded wheat only...milk I buy long life and keep in the cupboards because we are vegan so we use soya,we get through 12/14 cartons of soya a week..we also all like fizzy.and they would take entire 2 litres of fizzy Coke to their room that was for us all to share😥.so now I buy cheep fizzy water and plenty of it...I use a home delivery service..I pay monthly for as many shops as I like..I split my weekly housekeeping money in 2 and have 2 home deliveries a week with half the food in each one...once you have ordered once it's easy to click and order the same each time..good luck op 💐

Slimmingsnake · 25/07/2018 07:01

We also have had ketchup problems...sounds funny ,but actually it's bloody expensive when you have 5 people using tons of it and a huge ketchup at £3 lasts 2 days....every time it doesn't last the week or I'm rinsing it off plates ...the next shop I buy value ketchup..they hate that ,and they moan like I am poisoning them...😁..you have to train them op or you will never get rid ..like leeches they cling on to home when on to a good thing...

BarbaraofSevillle · 25/07/2018 07:04

Thanks for the tip on defrosting milk Smile.

I would buy more eggs (there's 2 of us and we use at least 2 dozen a week as we both have at least 2 eggs for breakfast most days - eggs are a very healthy breakfast and the cholesterol in them doesn't raise it in the body), and not buy any snacky stuff. If they want this stuff, they go to the shop themselves and buy it out of their own money.

BarbaraofSevillle · 25/07/2018 07:07

Slimming Shock. Try buying Aldi or Lidl ketchup and decanting it into the branded bottle?

But that usage is ridiculous, obviously. I would be really strict about them putting less on the plates, if it's being wasted like that. What is wrong with these people who have no concept of food costing money and resources and it not being wasted?

LakieLady · 25/07/2018 07:10

You have an adult male who's home all the time and another one who works shorter hours than you do.

Go on strike, make them responsible for the shopping and cooking.

Urbanbeetler · 25/07/2018 07:22

Tough love is needed here - I grew with posters who say your ds is in a bad place and needs support. He is only eighteen and there is no switch which suddenly makes us know what we ought to be doing the same way a mature duly does just because we hit that birthday. He still needs training and guidance and tough love and not enabling.

Can you get a Tupperware box and put in an amount of non-refrigerated snacks you need for the younger children. Label it as their snacks and tell ds that these are his sibling’s share and he isn’t to take food from their mouths. Give him his share (and not too much) when you get back from shopping and make clear that is to lay him a week.

Take your share and label them in a box. Again, tell him he is not to take food from your mouth.

Label milk and eggs in fridge. His - little dcs - yours - dh’s . Make it clear no one is to eat food which has been labelled for someone else as that is taking the food from their mouths.

And then try to give a big load of loving support because he needs it by the sounds of it. Will he walk out with you for 45 minutes after tea? Go swimming maybe? Jobs around food are not helping him. Has he always been obese or is this more recent? Why does he think hundreds of eggs are the answer?

Urbanbeetler · 25/07/2018 07:23

Sorry about typos.

Slimmingsnake · 25/07/2018 07:39

Barbra of saville,....greed pure and simple ..it has improved and they are better at policing themselves as they know I will only buy value if they waste it...tried Aldi ketchup ,they don't like that any more than value ..not that I care actually..

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/07/2018 08:45

Why is it that you do all the shopping OP? What are DH/DS contributing to the household?

Wills · 25/07/2018 10:08

OP, there are two problems here. Dh and Ds. Given that Ds is 18 I'd say that his and your Dh's problems are deeply ingrained and will take a very determined plan of action if you truly want to change their ways. For them your behaviour up until recently is simply a fact of life - they like it and therefore they will whole heartedly resist any change. But given your fury you probably have enough stored anger to fight back. Write down how you feel. Write down what changes you want. Make these your mantra. If you want change you can do it, just remember that they like the current status quo and thus will do everything they can (including your dh's mind games) to keep you down trodden. Rise up girl, wield the power you have as mother of the family and make them behave how you want!!!

nannykatherine · 25/07/2018 11:31

who is paying for all this food ? does ds contribute ..

ralfeesmum · 25/07/2018 11:36

You must be going crazy - stuck in the middle between a partner who chases a faddy diet that involves hoovering up endless proteins, eggs and buckets of milk and a son who just hoovers up anything and everything that's edible!

Your husband demands more milk for his cranky "health" shakes and I bet your Mister Blobby son whinges about being miserable and fat.

I'm surprised you're not walking up the walls by now........mucho sympathy.