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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have just had a massive row about food again

181 replies

Metoodear · 23/07/2018 18:19

Aibu

So did a huge shop a few weeks agai double what o normally buy and dh is moaning yet again their is no food

I may add he has decided that he is going on a special diet

We can not really afford anyone in the family eating differently and it’s meaning we’re going through about 9 pints of milk a week
But what ever he told me it’s because i am not meal planning effectively enough

So this week I meal plan with in a inch of my life went shopping 3 days ago

Their is no milk again
No bread no crisps
No cheese
No eggs

I have had non of these items I bought fucking 10 eggs

And I have literally got back from the shop to get my stuff for lunch for the next 3 days

So tonight’s dinners need eggs and cheese I have told dh and fucking ds 18 that I will not be returning to the shop I have been twice today as it is and I am not going to the supermarket daily to replace what their guzzling

Ds 18 is doing fuck all at the moment barr eating i refuse to spend my free time going to and from the fucking supermarket I only get two days off a week
So they can go the fucking shop themselves I told dd when I get back from work tomorrow my expectation will be he will have been to the shop

I have cooked for the kids but not for dh or ds who is currently refusing to go to the shop though he with dh are the worst offenders it’s not the eating of the food it’s the expectation that I will just keep going back and fucking forth like I have nothing else to bloody do

Oh and I also sick of ds leaving a dribble of juice in the jug so he doesn’t have to refil it

OP posts:

Buildabear · 23/07/2018 23:15

Haha no not the Radfords there are 6 though and that’s only a pint each- porridge for all, milk for the toddler, 2x teenagers’ cereal and milk drinks, tea and coffee, for 3 adults....

CheshireChat · 23/07/2018 23:26

If I recall correctly the OP isn't on a massive income either so I reckon that's adding to the stress- I used to get angry at DP for frittering money on snacks when we were on a really low budget- I almost cried once when he bought something from Coopland's or Gregg's or something!

Can you just not help them in any way whatsoever- it's clearly not being appreciated. So not just food, but laundry and random help you give them, this way they actually 'lose' something if they act like arseholes. If they eat stuff but have 0 hassle in replacing it or sorting out something for the main meals, there's not much incentive for them to stop, however if it means they're otherwise affected then it may be easier to enforce.

Perhaps have a do not touch shelf in the fridge and a cupboard where you keep stuff for you and your younger kids? That way you can keep a pint of milk safe- you could also freeze milk and bread just so it's less stress for you in the morning.

Oh, and no/ very little pocket money for your older kid- call it an ungrateful arse charge . Heck, start charging them delivery fees and then keep the money for nice treats for you and the littlies.

beeefcake · 24/07/2018 09:58

If DH wants to go on a special diet can't it be up to him to make sure he has sufficient supplies??

goingonabearhunt1 · 24/07/2018 11:10

If DS isn't currently working many hrs, he can do some shopping and cooking. Sounds like he needs something to do.

goingonabearhunt1 · 24/07/2018 11:12

My stepdad always used to eat all the bread and bananas when I was growing up and my DM always just made him go buy more. She shopped once a week and that was it (and all food was rationed for meals plus a few extras) so when it was gone it was gone. You could take that approach; if they want more they can go get it (and pay for it).

notanurse2017 · 24/07/2018 11:16

Op I think that your ds needs help, I remember the voucher thread, he sounds really lost.

None of that negates the fact that you are being treated like a skivvy by members of your family.

DiggertyDamn · 24/07/2018 11:25

6 pints a day! We wouldn't even use that much a week.

OP, your husband should go and get milk if he wants lots of protein shakes.
I suggest you batch cook for yourself and let the rest of them fend for themselves. They sound like lazy, selfish arses.

BeauNeidel · 24/07/2018 11:34

I feel for you OP

I work full time and spent my whole Sunday doing the shopping. Costco and Tesco, tip run and then I still made dinner. I was fucking furious and DH seems to not understand why? He doesn’t work. But I drive. So I use half my weekend to stock the fridge because he’s fucking useless and can’t do it himself. We’ve agreed a strict food budget for two reasons - one because we need to, and two because he just buys crap here there and everywhere. Was I unreasonable to ask him to check the shopping list before I went? Was I unreasonable to then get annoyed when he said I ‘hadn't bought crisps’ WHICH WEREN’T ON THE LIST HE DID NOT LOOK AT!

I’m sick and fucking tired of picking up all the fucking slack. Work full time, do all the banking and admin like insurance, big shop every week or two. Basically anything that isn’t laundry or dinner I seem to do.

Sorry for taking over your thread OP I’m so with you. Very upset and don’t really know how to talk about it - again.

cricketmum84 · 24/07/2018 11:36

OP please tell me you managed a glass of wine last night?

As far as the milk goes can you get DP to let you know how much milk he is going to need for his protein shakes and then buy in enough UHT for the week?

DS needs to get off his arse and either do something around the house or get a bloody job!!

SlothMama · 24/07/2018 11:51

Tell your DS to get a job and pay for his own food, and tell your husband to replenish the food he's eating.

SilverySurfer · 24/07/2018 12:03

madcatladyforever
Once again feeling super happy i live alone or else there would be an accumulation of bodies under the patio.

I'm with you - what I put in my fridge stays in my fridge.

OP you need to get tough - if DH wants a special diet - he buys and makes his own food. Don't know what to suggest about your DS - while you're at work all day I would insist on him doing some housework until he finds a new job, then he does the same.

To those who spend hours shopping every week - delivery is the way to go, free up your life.

TheProvincialLady · 24/07/2018 13:14

I would go on strike. I wouldn’t make another meal or do any shopping for either husband or adult son until they had apologised for their selfishness and mended their ways. I would only cook and shop for the younger children. Adult son would need to be doing a full adult share of the housework each and every day before I would do another thing for him. Including cooking a healthy meal for everyone at least once or twice a week. Your son does sound lost (I remember your other thread, you poor thing) but you won’t help him by allowing him to eat himself to supersize with your money and help. He needs a bit of structure, a bit of discipline and a purpose.

RabbitsAreTasty · 24/07/2018 13:22

Put DS to work at home! Having no purpose, nothing to get out of bed for, is a problem.

Why isn't he doing some of the childcare, all of the shopping and a good dose of housework? Are men excused the wimmins work in your house?

Angel75 · 24/07/2018 17:35

Dont get me started on the protein drinks!! lol. And 10 pints a week isnt really that bad, I got 3 boys at home various ages and they can do a 4 pinter a day no problem. I go tesco 3 times a week and still need budgens inbetween!

Shell4429 · 24/07/2018 17:47

All those eggs people eat, especially cheese omelette every day, think of the cholesterol! Very very unhealthy.

Rn1986 · 24/07/2018 17:51

I think you've been too nice for too long and they're now completely taking you for granted. I'm a complete bitch to my other half, because for the first two years I didn't complain when he complained about everything. Then I had ds and my patience just took off and left! Now if he moans about anything, whether it be, he doesn't like the dinner, I haven't bought enough biscuits with the shopping etc etc, I stop cooking for him and stop buying biscuits completely and tell him to go and buy his feckin own, and i follow it through. It works because he now daren't moan about anything 😂.
Stop buying crisps/biscuits for your ds that eats you out of house and home (buy some for the younger kids and hide them), tell him he has to buy his own crap.
If you run out of milk because dh has used it all and not bothered to replace, just announce you're going out, and leave dh to deal with the kids who want/need milk. I'm sure he'll soon learn not to do that if he actually has to deal with the repercussions.
One thing I am sure about, is that I wouldn't keep going to the shops for food, I'm tight and when it's gone it's gone we wait until the next delivery is due!

tolerable · 24/07/2018 17:51

if ds 18 is (dressing it up a bit)inactiveunoccupied.and you are..(not dressing it up a bit)crabbit. delegate.give him a role,some money and a real life challenge(budget/menu/meal plan for everyone)...tho..at 18,id have said ok n feckt off til £ran out is all)

ednakenneth · 24/07/2018 17:51

Please tell me why he hasn't got a part time job for the summer? He can then finance his own eating habits!! Take a deep breath and have a stiff drink.

Imsodonewithshit · 24/07/2018 17:53

9 points of milk A week for 5/6 of you! We do that in 2 days!!

Shell4429 · 24/07/2018 17:53

metoodear does your eighteen year old have ASD?

Fatted · 24/07/2018 17:54

I'm like this with my DH and his crisp obsession. I spent £20 last week on crisps and I probably got the grand total of 2 bags out of that!

Port1ajazz · 24/07/2018 18:02

Good on you girl ! Show this to your dh and ds and sod them !

Frazzledstar1 · 24/07/2018 18:04

My dp makes his protein shakes with water instead of milk - costs less, less sugar and therefore calories too. It doesn’t taste as nice but he had a few a day so saves a lot. I would get dh to do this!

Also, when it comes to snack foods my attitude is when it’s gone it’s gone and my dc are 5 and 2! I l only pop out once mid week if we’ve run out of any of the essentials eg milk and bread.

AtreidesFreeWoman · 24/07/2018 18:16

6 pints of milk a day!!!!!

DH is a gym user and has protein shakes but like pp's uses water.

Using milk in them is madness and not actually that healthy.

Frankly the workout you'd get from hauling that much milk from the shop daily might replace a workout 😂

Tell them you're going to shop for the small children and yourself and they can sort themselves out.

It reminds me of a thread a while ago where the OP was being similarly criticised - thing was however much she bought it got eaten - to the point the food bill was unsustainable.

I deliberately don't buy lots of foods (crisps for example) because they just get eaten so quickly, don't actually fill anyone up and are really unhealthy.

What I tend to find is that when I'm told "there's no food in the house" it's actually "there's no snacks in the house and I can't be arsed to use the available food to cook anything".

Smudge100 · 24/07/2018 18:20

Why are men and children so selfish and lazy?

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