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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner wants to go camping 6 days after dd2 is born

174 replies

tbear101 · 22/07/2018 17:01

He has been invited on a night out to go camping, about an hour away. He hasn't even told his friends that his partner is due another baby and so won't be able to go Angry aibu?

OP posts:
number1wang · 22/07/2018 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Icklepickle101 · 22/07/2018 19:50

Also I stopped taking painkillers on day 2, have showered and walked to the hospital restaurant alone every day and 4 flights of stairs today so we we’re expecting to home after 1 night as with previous sections but DD had a chest infection so we are still here!

RuggerHug · 22/07/2018 19:56

Drop him in it with the women going by asking them if they're planning on calling in to see the new baby on their way camping. Because if so they're welcome but will be making own brews etc since you won't be able to bloody do anything after the section.

Or just tell the idiot to cop on to himself.

lapenguin · 22/07/2018 20:01

He doesnt sound like he's overly excited about the new arrival...
Keeping it quiet until a late date, not telling his friends, not telling them he won't be going camping...
Like surely it should have been an easy
'nah my f is having a c section six days before that, there is no way I'd be able to attend, maybe next time!'

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 20:07

Pp is right he isn't very excited about this baby, it wasnt planned.
I was on contraception before anybody starts! But it has added a few extra stresses Sad
I do also feel he is ashamed of me, his friends (ones he actually speaks about, sees more often) didn't know about me until we had been dating for 5 months, and even now many of them don't even know I've got a son from another relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 20:11

Our wedding is already booked, so it's going to be weird having people turn up and them not realise that the little boy is mine but he says he is private and he doesn't need to tell everybody everything

OP posts:
MortyVicar · 22/07/2018 20:18

Don't marry someone who is ashamed of you. Just out of interest, what are you supposed to have done that is shameful?

Yes it's possible that he's going along with his friends until he drops out at the last minute. But I'd be concerned that it could go the other way - that he DOES go and just expects you to be OK about when it's a done deal.

He needs to grow up and stop punishing you (presumably) for getting pregnant. Any chance he's convinced himself you got pregnant deliberately? Which would say he doesn't trust you, among his other not good qualities.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 22/07/2018 20:18

Are you really sure about marrying him? Even though he'd happily leave you with a newborn and older children after major abdominal surgery?

glintandglide · 22/07/2018 20:19

I’m undecided as to whether it’s a big deal if he goes away 6 days after baby- my DH wouldn’t want to, but I’m sure we would survive ok if he did .

But OP if you start posting pictures or telling his friends he can’t come you’re going to look mental. You may as well leave him to
It, if you’re not going to leave him what else can you do really? You can’t stop a grown man being weird and uninterested in his family

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 20:23

I have done a few stupid things at the start of our relationship, which I'm not proud of and regret but this (with him) is my first serious relationship so it was hard for me to change my ways, however bad/horrible/ick that might sound. That contributes to the thought that he might be ashamed of me but only me and him know about these things.
It is possible that he doesn't trust me after 👆 the above
🤷

OP posts:
Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 20:26

I won't be messaging the friend, as I have said it will just make me look nuts and I don't really want to be a laughing stock. My first thought when finding out about the night out-turned camping was why wasn't I invited then he'd have had the perfect chance to say sorry she's pregnant so we/I won't be going.
I'm now worried that I may still be in hospital and he will try and slink off anyway and just not tell me, that would really hurt me
So many thoughts now

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 22/07/2018 20:33

It isn't e entry as though he doesn't understand what a new one is.

53rdWay · 22/07/2018 20:36

Well whatever it was you did at the start of your relationship, he's either over it or he isn't. He can't be over it enough to marry you and have children, but at the same time still so ashamed of you he doesn't want to tell his friends about you or tell his family you're pregnant. That's no way to start a marriage.

FASH84 · 22/07/2018 20:43

This is why I didn't have three kids by the age of 24 with someone of the same age. 24 year olds generally like, going out, drinking and socialising, the brain is not fully developed until 25. If he can't grow up and say no to his friends, you need to stop snooping at his messages and posting on here and say to him, I don't want you to go out over night six days after my surgery, I won't be able to manage on my own. It's not rocket science, just normal adult communication.

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 20:51

I would say that to him but then he'll know I snooped. He told me that he's already told them he won't be going.
My partner hates socialising Grin I can't remember the last time he did go out.
The people on camping trip are at least 4-5 years younger than him

OP posts:
JobHunting4 · 22/07/2018 20:54

*Have you had a section on your other children. You won’t be able to do anything for a couple of days. You will need help to go to the toilet etc. I mean anything. By day 6 assuming everything goes okay at the hosital your will be able to feed the baby and change a nappy but you won’t be able to lift the baby out of a crib or put it back in. You won’t be able to get into the bath without help you won’t be able to cook for other children etc etc.

^
Rubbish. Op You will be lifting the baby out of the cot on the first night and feeding it because dp will be at home with the kids and you will be in hospital with the baby. As soon as your catheter is out you will be up to the loo. They won't discharge you until you have.

Now ill go back and read the rest of the thread

Theshittyendofthestick · 22/07/2018 20:57

I'm now worried that I may still be in hospital and he will try and slink off anyway and just not tell me, that would really hurt me
That is unbearably sad OP. You should be marrying someone who is solid as a rock, especially during all the challenges that pregnancy/birth/new babies bring.
Who else is around to support you? Any family or close friends? I think you need to start thinking of how you can put a good life togethet without him. Regardless of what you were like at the start of your relationship, he sounds like a massive dick and you surely deserve better than that! Flowers

Leeds2 · 22/07/2018 20:59

I really wouldn't want to be getting married to this man.

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 21:01

I haven't got any body else really,
It's just been me, my partner and the kids for a long time

OP posts:
Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 21:01

And if we split up he will take our daughters

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/07/2018 21:04

Oh please don't marry this dickhead!

You want a husband who's proud of you and the children, not one who wants to go camping with teenagers and pretend he's not a father or a partner.

Honestly, at this age young men can be great or a bloody liability, and I know which one he is. Marrying him will tie you to him - don't do it!

lapenguin · 22/07/2018 21:05

Why would he take your daughters?

ShumpaLumpa · 22/07/2018 21:07

Is it drastic to think/say our relationship would be over if he did go?

Not drastic, as long as you mean it.

Original poster
tbear101 · 22/07/2018 21:07

Well daughter as our other one hasn't been born yet,
It's a strange conversation that came about but one day when he was threatening to leave, he said he would take our daughter as he wouldn't want her at home with me

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/07/2018 21:08

Where will he "take your daughters" ?

He can't do that.

Please do not marry this man. The more you say, the more I am worried for you. You seem actually grateful to him for being with you. What the fuck is that about ?

He hasn't got your back, op. That is clear. Please do not have any more babies with him.